'AITA for cutting off my dad because I can't stand my stepmom anymore?' UPDATED

"AITA for cutting off my dad because I can't stand my stepmom anymore?"

So, I (27F) recently went no contact with my dad (48M) and now half my family is acting like I m*rdered someone. Some backstory,, my parents split when I was 10. It was messy, but I stayed close with my dad until he married my stepmom "Lynn" when I was 15. She’s always had this fake-sweet, passive-aggressive thing going on.

She'd say stuff like, “You’d be so pretty if you lost some weight,” or “Your mom really messed you up, didn’t she?” Then she'd play innocent when I got upset. I tried to keep the peace for years. I stayed polite.

I bit my tongue through backhanded compliments, her telling my dad I was “too sensitive,” and even when she gave away a family heirloom from my mom’s side because she “didn’t like the energy it gave the room.” My dad always took her side. Always.

Things blew up recently when I came over for dinner and Lynn made a snide remark about how I’ll “probably never settle down with that attitude.” I finally snapped and said I was done being disrespected. My dad told me to “not start drama in his house.” So I left, blocked both of them, and haven’t spoken to either since.

Now my aunt, cousins, and even my grandma are texting me saying “family is family” and I should just ignore Lynn’s “quirks.” I’m tired of being the only one expected to suck it up for the sake of peace. So…AITA for cutting off my dad because I couldn’t deal with his wife anymore?

The internet had a lot of thoughts.

debbie0357 wrote:

You are not the AH standup your peace always. You will be OK. Yeah everyone is texting you family is family. Did they text your father that? Tell your family “ even iron wears out eventually”. If they don’t understand, that’s OK because I know you do! Bravo For finally choosing yourself.

Revolutionary-Dryad wrote:

NTA. And if "family is family" is supposed to mean that you accommodate family, then the family busybodies had better get started telling Lynn and your father to accommodate you by knocking off the b*llying and the enabling.

If it's supposed to mean that we have to put up with whatever family members do, then they can get busy explaining to your father and his wife how they need to put up with you going no contact.

If it's supposed to mean that you have to continue allowing Lynn to bully you and your father to enable her and blame you for speaking the truth, the busybodies can STFU. If they don't, you might want to consider letting them know that you're capable of cutting them off, too, if they don't start treating you better.

careless_welder_4048 wrote:

NTA but girl you are almost 30, how have you not learn to give her s**t back??????? Start by calling her old and say god I wish when I get old I don’t turn out like you and smile like a psychopath.

Girlstiletto wrote:

NTA

IF your family talks to you about this, tell them that Lynn's insults aren't "quirks."

They are rude verbal attacks and you are done dealing with someone who disrespects you and your mom. Lynn is not your mom, she's just the woman your Dad is sticking his c0

The next day, OP shared an update.

UPDATE: Here's a quick update about the issue, Well Apparently Lynn saw my post. Or someone showed it to her. Either way, the fallout was immediate. My dad actually called me earlier. First time I’ve heard his voice since I blocked him months ago. It was awkward as hell at first he sounded unsure, like he didn’t know how to start. Then he said, “Lynn and I read what you wrote… and we want to talk.” WHATTT LOL

He said sorry. They both did, actually. Said they didn’t realize how deep it went, and that they brushed off my feelings way too often. Lynn said she thought her jokes were “light teasing” and didn’t realize how much they hurt me. (Sure, okay, we’ll see about that.) Anyway, they asked if we could meet next weekend to talk in person. Neutral ground my aunt’s place, not their house. I said maybe.

Still not sure how I feel. Part of me wants to scream, “Too little too late,” but another part of me feels…kinda relieved? Like I’ve been waiting years for even a crumb of accountability. Still processing. I’ll let y’all know how the meetup goes if it actually happens. BTW, thanks for all the comments on the original post, it honestly helped me feel less crazy. <3

The comments kept coming.

Catblue3291 wrote:

NTA. You need to do what's best for you. Maybe you can have a relationship with your dad only. I think your stepmother will have to show over a long period of time that she has changed. I wouldn't rush into anything. Take care of you.

Zookeepergameold8988 wrote:

Was your aunt one of the family members saying “family is family” to you? If so she is not neutral ground. There will be three people browbeating you for being too sensitive and pressuring you to start over. Which means forget about all the shit you’ve been through and let them start with a clean slate.

If I were you I’d choose actual neutral ground if you want to do this. And bring someone with who can support you. Good luck!

Adventurous-Term5062 wrote:

Lynn and dad if you are reading this know this:

Lynn, you b*llied a child and accused her of being “too sensitive” what a mean stepmom. Dad, you did not protect your child. Ugh.

Million-Suns wrote:

It is indeed too little too late. Don't forget that she also gave away a family heirloom from your moms' side that she had no right to give.Even if she would have managed to get it back, the damage is done.

I would not forget and forgive.