'AITA for cutting off my dad after finding out about his new family through TikTok?' UPDATED

"AITA for Cutting Off My Dad After Finding Out About His New Family Through TikTok?"

I (25F) have officially decided to cut ties with my Dad (54M) after finding out his huge secret because of tiktok. My relationship with my dad has never been great because I didn't like the way he would treat my mom. He was emotionally abusive to my mom and my siblings. He would cheat on my mom and act like spending time with kids was babysitting.

I was so use to this negative environment that when I met my now fiance, he helped me realized that all the emotional abuse was not normal. I decided to go to college out of state to just get away. I ended up taking out a bunch of student loans because I felt so unsafe in my childhood home. College ended up being crazy years of me processing all my emotional pain.

Anyways, I end up graduating college with amazing grades, moving in with my fiancé senior of college, and then moving back to my home state. A year later my mom gets diagnosed with cancer. On top of this I couldn't find a job because this was right after covid. I was taking my mom to her appointments, bringing her food, making sure her insurance was covering all her bills.

I didn't mind doing any of this because I was not working. But I started losing a lot of weight because I was not taking care of myself. My older brother (30) would help but he had a full-time job and a family. My other siblings were too young and going to school. My dad would help out but always tried to make me feel guilty as if I was not doing enough.

This got so bad my dad started saying that it was my fault my mom had cancer because I had suggested for her to get a second opinion in one the best cancer facilities in NY. She had gone and they told her condition in more detail and provided her with way more options than the first hospital.

Because of many financial reasons I decided to move out the state. I got a great job, and still kept in touch with my family. This ended up being a good decision because it forced my dad to take care of my mom HIS WIFE.

My Mom's health continued to decline and she ended up going to our home country to visit her mom and siblings because I think she had a feeling that she was going to pass soon. While she was there she has a stroke. I got a call from my aunt telling me this instead of my Dad who was with my mom at the time. My aunt called me to tell me that I was bad daughter for not being there.

However I didn't even know my mom was out of the country (US). I immediately flew to be with my mom. I was not aware of this but apparently hospice is not common everywhere so I ended up watching my mom pass way for an entire month (it felt like months).

She didn't remember me at first and kept getting my siblings names confused. While I was there my dad decided to fly back to the US and ended up being gone almost the whole time. The funeral was traumatic for other reasons than my Mom passing away.

Not even two months later, there were rumors that my dad was seeing someone else. Someone had come up to my brother while he was out his family to say they were shocked that my dad has moved on so fast. My siblings and I were not aware of this and comforted our dad which he avoided the question. And said it was not our business. More rumors kept surfacing about the woman my dad was seeing.

During this time I kept on working and since I was living in different state in made things easier. The rumor was that this woman was my age and that she already had kids. At this point was not talking to my dad. But then not long ago my brother's wife is scrolling on tiktok and comes across a video of him in the background. And apparently they also just had a baby. AITA for never talking to my Dad again and not inviting him to my wedding?

There are so many details that I am leaving out but I will include those in tomorrow update because I am writing late at night because I am unemployed and I cannot afford to get a response from a therapist.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Srvntgrrl_789 said:

NTA. 1.) your dad is all the bad words I can’t put in this post. Go NC, and don’t look back. 2.) any parent that says it’s your fault the other parent got cancer should be cut out of your life forever. Of course it’s not your fault. If anything, it’s his.

Vast-Common9523 said:

NTA. Not even close. Sorry your dad sucks so much.

Asleep_Percentage257 said:

Girl no, NTA!! Cut him out, you’ll feel so much lighter - there won’t be that guilt that you SHOULD want to have a relationship with him just because he’s your dad.

After the way he’s treated you, your mom and your siblings, you owe him NOTHING. Your fiancé was right, his behavior/treatment of you was not right or normal.

Asleep_Percentage257 said:

Girl no, NTA!! Cut him out, you’ll feel so much lighter - there won’t be that guilt that you SHOULD want to have a relationship with him just because he’s your dad. After the way he’s treated you, your mom and your siblings, you owe him NOTHING. Your fiancé was right, his behavior/treatment of you was not right or normal.

And SnooWords4839 said:

((HUGS)) Sorry for the loss of your mom. Block dad and focus on your future.

She later shared this update with more info.:

For everyone that is saying that I should put my dad on blast in social media, I am not going to lie I have thought about it, I have posted talking about the situation without much details on my tiktok account but immediately took it down.

Do I think the mistress knows the whole story, at first I thought no but now I am thinking that there is no way she would have not know because of specific things that have happened. Unless she literally was living under a rock.

I need to clarify the timeline. Because of all this has happened over the past 4 years. Just when I think the bar couldn't lower it kept going lower. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer four years ago, passed way a year later, and the tiktoks were found about 2 years after that (2 years ago)

Also when I refer to my fiancé as my BF on the update because he didn't propose until this pass June. And I am going to refer to my home country as Peru ( not the actual country). Now I want mentioned specific situations that make me really think who TF is my dad:

I had mentioned how when my mom was sick, I was taking her to appointments but something I didn't say was I didn't have a CAR because I had just graduated college. So my boyfriend was using his parent's car to drive us around. These appointment were at the most random times and some super early and my BF went to all of them with us without complaining.

After we moved to another state for work and because I was being blamed for causing my mom's cancer. I still kept in contact with my mom and helped her schedule appointments and deal with insurance claims.

I barely heard from my Dad, but out of nowhere he called to me ask if I could fly back home to take care of my siblings because my was mom out of town visiting family and he had a job out of state. I later found out of that he had no job out of state but it was most likely to go out of town with this woman.

While my mom was passing away in Peru, my dad literally left as soon as I got there. Meanwhile, my BF and I stayed the whole month there with my siblings. Before my mom's stroke, my bf and I had bought flights and booked an Airbnb to go for Christmas to Peru. We had planned all if this with my mom and she was really excited to show him Peru. (Im crying).

When I got the call about my mom my heart stopped and within the five minutes that I was on that call with my aunt, my BF had bought me a flight to pick up my siblings and flights for us to head Peru to be with our mom. He had messaged the Airbnb people, booked a hotel and rented a bigger car. Then he packed my bag. He couldn't go with me on the flight because he had to figure out what to do with our dogs.

But he was with us in Peru in literally 24hrs. My BF and I still had to worry about our jobs and thankfully we were able to work remotely. I honestly don't know how I was able to work, my job knew about the whole situation so they didn't ask too much deliverables from me.

During the weekdays we worked in the airbnb (it had good internet service but my mom was in the country where there service was not good enough to work) and in the afternoons we would go spend time with my mom. On the weekends we stayed all day and left at night to sleep at the Airbnb.

The reason why I wanted to stay at the Airbnb is because my younger siblings wanted to be with mom the whole time and I was afraid of her passing away while they were with her. No one in my family (my mom's side of the family) and my Dad understood that my siblings should not experience that. My dad would call me and my siblings individually tell us that we are terrible for staying with my mom overnight.

My mom's side of the family called us names and boujee for staying at Airbnb in the city. One day my siblings convinced me to leave them with my mom the whole day and overnight because my Aunt had told them that were bad children for leaving their mom. When I got back the next day, they were pale and looked like they didn't eat anything, drank any water or slept.

My mom had a caregiver who was suppose to be taking care of her but she instead put my siblings to work. My aunt had the audacity to say that she was worried about my siblings after literally ___IDK what describe this, I just know it was not okay.