"AITA for cutting off a friend for saying my daughter isn’t welcome in their home?"

I, 27 f, have a friend who we will call Anna, 23 f. Anna and her fiancé constantly come to our house with their two kids who are ages 1 and 2. I have two daughters ages 3 and 8. We only became friends about 3 months ago, and have gotten pretty close in that short period of time.

They say they love coming to our house because it’s fairly large and they say they feel comfortable here and their kids can be kids here as we have a very kid friendly home lots of toys and room to play. Our basement has flooded recently and needs fixed, and Anna’s fiancé is in the business to fix it. So he had agreed to do it.

Well a few days ago in our group text of Anna, her fiancé, my husband and myself, I texted asking if we could come over so we could discuss our basement plan. Anna said no but that they would come over the next day to talk about it. I didn’t think much of it, it was later in the evening I thought maybe they just weren’t up for company at that time and went about my night.

The next day they came over and we all sat at the kitchen table to talk while the kids played in the play room. Anna started off the conversation by saying “sorry we said no about coming over yesterday, we just don’t like older kids at our house because in the past older kids have broken our kids toys and we’re too rough."

In that moment I was taken back, I asked if my daughter did anything that I didn’t notice to upset them and they said no. I was truly too stunned to speak after that. So the conversation went into a different direction and the topic was dropped.

The next day I thought deep into her comment. It really upset me. My daughter will always be older than her kids, and I don’t feel my daughter should be punished for what other kids have done at their house and not be allowed over. Especially when their kids are always welcomed to our home.

And their kids have in fact broken a few things and I would never hold that against them or be mad about it as they are kids and things happen. I would never tell them their kids can’t come over because we have bad experiences with younger kids breaking things. I feel like that was an internal thought that should have never been vocalized.

They could have thought that but it should never have been said out loud. I would have never thought twice about why they didn’t want us over, they live in an apartment and I understand it’s too small for the 4 of us. That’s all they had to say. I don’t think I want to continue this friendship, I have to advocate for my daughter. If she’s not welcome there, neither am I. So, AITA for wanting to cut Anna off?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

OlderThanDirt2025 said:

NTA. Your kids come before her. I would have mentioned to her that her kids have indeed already broken a few of your kid's toys. You might want to reconsider hiring her husband to do the repairs.

murphy2345678 said:

NTA. It’s always easier to take your kids to someone else’s house. They have to clean up before during and after. The host usually provides snacks and activities. She is not only punishing your daughter for what someone else’s kids did but also using you for your home. Find another contractor.

Owl-Historical said:

8 year old prob isn't interested in toddler toys any way so prob wouldn't play with them other than if they where helping keeping the sibling entertained.

toastedmarsh7 said:

NTA. Takes a lot of balls to claim you’re worried about someone else’s kids breaking your stuff after your kids have already broken their stuff. They suck, forget them.

**Update**

I texted the group chat today that includes Anna, her fiancé, my husband and myself. I started off by just saying how I felt, how this comment upset me and how I advocate for my daughter and will not be anywhere she is not accepted nor will I allow people who don’t accept her into my home. Anna did not reply ONCE but her fiancé did. And all it was, was damage control and contradictory.

He stated that we are always welcome in their home and that Anna just has fears and anxieties. And the whole conversation was him saying that exact sentence in different ways. Never in the conversation did he say my daughter was welcome it was only “you guys are welcome” which to me isn’t solving anything because he not once even mentioned my daughter or the exact thing Anna said to us.

Which was the whole purpose of my text, to address what they said about “older kids not being allowed over” and that’s why they didn’t want us to come over. Never even apologized for what she said or said that’s not what she meant. I mentioned how their kids have broken our toys, no comment from them on that.

I said how can we be welcome into your home if you don’t want older kids in your home like you said, no direct comment on that only kept saying “you’re welcome in our home”. So seems like they regret what they said since I said they are no longer welcome in our home if our daughter isn’t welcome in theirs, or I should say her fiancé regrets what she said.

So maybe you are all right about them being moochers, their minds only changed when they knew they could no longer come over and act like they live here without having to clean up or provide anything. I ended the conversation by saying we no longer need his service for our basement. Extra info, I have been into their home before to drop something off to Anna and it’s in good condition.