'AITA for cutting off my BFF of 20+ years because she keeps making me and my husband uncomfortable?'

"AITA for cutting off my best friend of 20+ years after she continued to make me and my husband uncomfortable?"

Will be using fake names because I am still fairly new to this and only know about this subreddit because I religiously watch Two Hot Takes. 💕 This may be a little long but I will include the details that lead up to me cutting her off.

I (27F) have been best friends with Cathy (27F) for over 20 years. Our parents were best friends so naturally we were too, since about 2 years old. Me and Cathy continued to hang out constantly since we were kids. We would have times we would not talk but could always get together and talk like nothing changed.

Fast forward to 2023 me and my now husband Michael (30M) have been together nearly 10 years and have a perfect baby boy together Oliver (1M) Cathy and Michael got along pretty well the few times we hung out.

But every time we hung out Cathy would constantly try to get close to Michael: i.e she commented saying “ you’re SO lucky, you guys are so cute together” and also trying to give him long hugs everytime she left, leaning on him etc. Granted my husband is autistic and he doesn’t like to be touched and she knows this and I’ve asked her to respect that.

So fast forward to my son’s first birthday party, we invited all my closest family and friends including Cathy and her brothers. Cathy shows up to the birthday party in a see-through low cut top and see-through pants that showed her underwear. I don’t normally shame anyone about what they wear but it was inappropriate for a 1 year olds birthday party.

The first thing she does is go up to Michael to hug him, he politely gives her a that awkward side hug and walks away. She also asked Michael to walk with her to the bathroom, like what? He says no and she walks on her own. We continue on with the birthday party with no other occurrences.

After the party is over, everyone goes home and Cathy comes over to help us bring in all the gifts and set up the toys we received at Oliver’s party. When we get home me, Michael and Cathy all sit down to set up the toys.

Cathy started playing dumb acting like she couldn’t put the toys together and INSISTED Michael come show her how saying things like “Michael can you do this, idk how” despite me sitting right next to her and it was literally a puzzle piece mat lol and Michael is across the room.

Michael politely told her that I could help her, she made the puppy dog face and laughed it off. But you know men are embarrassingly unaware sometimes and he would just didn’t realize. I was annoyed but this was my best friend and I just decided to let it go because I trusted my husband and am mostly secure with myself.

After we put together all the toys, we decided to order in, Cathy was vegan so we ordered in from an Indian restaurant that could easily accommodate her restrictions. We all sat on my bed together and waited for the food to arrive.

Oliver was running around and when Cathy commented on how cute he was, she made a particularly weird comment saying Michael and me make pretty babies and that she wants to have one too with us, making intense eye contact with Michael, things got really awkward until she laughed and said “JUST KIDDING” We just moved on and our food got there and we all started eating.

Michael had a spicy pepper on his dish and he ate it and immediately turned red and started sweating. Me and Cathy were laughing and Michael spit out the pepper and told me to try it (I don’t mind trying something my husband already partially ate since we’d been together 10 years I don’t find it gross at this point) but much to my surprise Cathy immediately grabbed it and ate the whole thing.

She started sweating and taking off her jacket and commented on how hot she was while looking at Michael. It was weird but again we just moved on. At the end of the night she asked to stay the night because she was couch surfing/sleeping in her car at the time.

She was still my best friend and I didn’t want her with nowhere to go, so I agreed. Before we all went to bed she made the joke about laying in the middle of me and Michael and we could all cuddle. That made both of us uncomfortable but she played it off as a joke. We all went to bed and she left early in the morning for work.

So after that whole encounter I decided to text her about my issues with that night. I texted her letting her know that she was being very inappropriate and made Michael and me uncomfortable. And that her outfit she wore to my son’s birthday was inappropriate as well.

She immediately got defensive and replied with the “it was hot that day please stop projecting your insecurities on to me and Michael did not seem uncomfortable” at this point I was pissed off and told her that the way she’s acting with MY husband is weird.

We got into a pretty big fight and I told her that I did not want to continue talking to her. And it’s been about a year since this occurrence and I have her blocked now on everything and haven’t talked since. My family said I was being dramatic. But my friends agreed with my decision because she did not respect my boundaries. So, AITA?

EDIT:

Just to answer a few questions - at the time we lived in a very small 1 bedroom apartment with the living room having only my sons play gym/playpen so the bedroom was the only real place to sit.

When she asked to cuddle with me and my husband I immediately shut it down and she played it off as a joke. She has always been awkward and tends to “riff” so I figured she was just being awkward

I didn’t cut her off out of nowhere this was the 3rd time I had tried to set boundaries but the day of the party was the breaking point. I am a people pleaser and struggle to deal with conflict face to face so it was hard for me to just kick her out especially because I’ve been homeless before.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

DMC_BKM said:

NTA. Your house, your family, your boundaries. Simple as that. Additionally, any "friend" making suggestive comments towards a couple in a committed monogamous relationship is out of line. It might not be for everyone, but if it is your family structure she needs to respect that whole heartedly.

Awkward_Signature_82 said:

NTA. She's clearly hot for your husband and disrespectful of both you and your friendship. But why are you still stressing about this a year later?

Agile_Towel1099 said:

NTA. While I was reading the story, it just felt like that original "Fatal Attraction" movie, except Glenn Close moved into Michael Douglas's family's house. In addition to Cathy being inappropriately overly friendly with your husband, she seems emotionally unstable and maybe going out on a limb here, but is she capable of doing something that could be violent? Be Safe.

OP responded:

I’m honestly not sure, she is very manic and goes off her rocker a lot but luckily we have since moved out the state!

blackcatsneakattack said:

If she did NOT have feelings or designs on your husband, the appropriate response would have been something like “Oh my god! I am so embarrassed; that wasn’t my intention at all, and I’m sorry. I will be better.” Not defensiveness.

pgsmom said:

I’m glad you cut her off. She’s obviously not a friend. And I’m upset your family called you dramatic. But overall I’m proud of you for sticking to your boundaries. Good for you!

And Nearly_Pointless said:

It isn’t dramatic to protect and nurture your marriage. It doesn’t matter at all what her intent was, it is about the way you and your husband interpreted her actions/words. I believe he reasonable person would find her behaviors as out of line at best and downright predatory at the other end of the spectrum.