'AITA for cutting off my fiancé’s siblings after they invited 'the other woman' to their birthday?'

"AITA for going no contact with my fiancé’s siblings after they invited the woman who disrespected our relationship?"

I (F32) met my fiancé (M25) three years ago through my family business. My family owns a live rock/metal venue in his city, and he and his brother were frequent visitors. At first, I honestly thought his brother had a thing for me—but I actually clicked with my now-fiancé, even though he’s 7 years younger than me. At the time, I never thought we’d end up together, but months later we were in a relationship.

From the start, I pushed him to accomplish things professionally. That’s how I was raised: in my family, we work hard and build independence. I even told him early on that if he ever wanted to move in with me, he’d need to find a job and contribute to expenses. To his credit, he did more than that—he excelled at his new job, we built a life together, and recently even started a coffee shop chain.

The siblings: This, however, seemed to bother his siblings. His brother (30M) still lives with their parents, has no career (he started two but dropped both), no job, and depends fully on his parents.

His sister (36F) isn’t much better—she claims to be a psychologist with a “private practice,” but in reality it’s just a dirty, decaying house (lent by her mother) where even the bathroom doesn’t work. She doesn’t earn her living—her husband supports her.

Meanwhile, my family runs multiple businesses (the venue, a financial services company, a fintech, and now the café). Naturally, we can’t attend every family gathering, which has always bothered his siblings.

The "other woman": When my fiancé and I first started dating, his siblings hosted a party. That night he officially introduced me as his girlfriend, and one of his acquaintances—a woman he knew only briefly before me—had the most dramatic reaction. Her face twisted with shock, jaw dropped. She tried to corner him, and I overheard her mutter, “I can’t believe she’s his girlfriend.”

Later, she shoved me so hard during a ska slam dance that I fell and scraped my elbow. Months later, I found flirtatious messages from her on my fiancé’s phone. He wasn’t shutting her down, and I nearly ended the relationship. We reconciled only after he blocked her everywhere, and he made it clear to his siblings: if they ever invited her to anything, he would not attend.

The dog incident: Not long after, my coworker told me her dog was having an unexpected litter of Alaskan Malamutes. My fiancé’s father had always dreamed of owning one, so I offered him a puppy. My BIL lost his mind—furious I hadn’t “consulted” him first—and even threatened to abandon the dog in the streets. I was livid, refused to cave, and after that I kept my distance, only being polite.

The sibling “intervention”: After my fiancé moved in with me, his siblings staged a little “meeting” where they told him he was changing and that I was bad for him. He stood his ground, telling them he was finally accomplishing things personally and professionally thanks to me.

The birthday party—the final straw: About a year later, his siblings invited us to their birthday party (ironically, the same kind of party where the woman shoved me before). We took it as a chance to reconnect. My fiancé bought them thoughtful gifts, and we even prepared costumes for the party. But the moment we walked in, I froze. There she was—the woman—center stage on the dance floor.

My fiancé suggested we hand over the gifts and leave, but I felt bad for some of his friends there and decided to stay a little longer. When we left, he explained to his brother why—and his BIL just rolled his eyes, minimizing everything.

Later, his sister sent him a long, venomous text saying she didn’t recognize him anymore, that she was disowning him, that I was a b!tch for “limiting his time with them,” and that he was weak for not “standing up to me.” That was the final straw. I told my fiancé I wanted nothing more to do with them, and he agreed.

Now: We’re no contact with his siblings, but we still have a wonderful relationship with his parents. Family events are incredibly awkward—his siblings are rude, mean, and act out whenever we cross paths. So—AITA for cutting them off completely after they repeatedly disrespected me, my fiancé, and our relationship?

Edit: I forgot to mention how his brother has claimed several times to suffering anxiety, depression and self exiting thoughts. At first everybody was concerned, me included. We would care for him, not leaving him alone during his episodes to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself as he had been doing reckless things such as punching a glass mirror and as a consequence getting his hand stitched.

My father in law payed for psychologists and psychiatric care in one of the most expensive hospitals here in our country. However, BIL refused to take the medication and to assist to the evaluations because his sister had insisted that he just needed comprehension and micro doses of cannabis and mushrooms.

(Nothing wrong with alternative medicine, but given the gravity of the situation I don't think leaving the medication for it was the best idea) Since then he has been trying to use the same card with his parents but they have figured out he is just blackmailing.

Resulting in his mom answering to his last self exit threat: "I love you and I have loved you my whole life but do what you need to do. I have given you reasons to stay and we have given you professional help that you refused, I don't know what else to do"

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Scenarioing said:

"even told him early on that if he ever wanted to move in with me, he’d need to find a job" ---Setting the bar high I see. Lol. Apparently you rubbed off on him and be became pro-active. NTA. I take it they are not coming to the wedding.

Pale-Cress said:

So he broke the mold so to speak. His siblings are bums for lack of a better word. Your boyfriend meeting you helped him grow up and make something of himself. His siblings HATE this. They're toxic and wanted their brother to stay at the bottom where they are. You're NTAH you just helped build your boyfriend up and they hate you for it

Background_Fox6436 said:

NTA, his siblings are toxic, lazy and jealous. Who wants to be around that? I don't blame you for going no contact. The siblings are losers and mooches, and yours and your finance's success has them seeing red, because it shows them up and highlights their lack of work ethic.

Keep doing you, and you guys will be just fine! If your fiance wants to see his deadbeat sibs, let him, but I would draw the line for parties. I wish you both well!

Ok-Signal-7008 said:

NTA...and I will say after reading one or two people's reply, I in no way shape or form read in any context how you think you're better than them. If what you're saying is correct, professionally, at least I can say perhaps you are better. How can siblings who witnessed their ADULT brother go from not having a job, and living home with their parents.

To being a café owner and responsible, EMPLOYED fiancé and think something is wrong with that. Not only that, they then turn around and think lesser of the person who struck such a positive change in their sibling. They sound like dysfunctional people. Stay NO CONTACT. "F" them!

Unlucky-Captain1431 said:

I’m so petty that I would give the parents a beautiful gift out of the blue and keep the siblings enraged and jealous.

And OP responded:

Haha tbh that is something I did last Christmas, we both saved a lot and brought awesome gifts for MIL and FIL (a designer watch for her, and a piece of special Spanish Ham for him). SIL and BIL were not included per my fiancé’s decision.