'AITA for cutting off my little sister because she married my cousin?' + WEIRD UPDATE

"AITA for cutting off my little sister after she became my step-cousin?"

Background: I (40M) have two sisters: one older (45F) and one younger (30F). This story is about my younger sister, Emma. Technically, she’s my half-sister — we share the same mother but have different fathers, which is important to the story.

Emma and I grew up together for the first five years of her life, until I moved to live with my dad and older sister. Emma stayed with our mom. Her dad wasn’t really involved, so growing up it was mostly just her and our mom.

Over time, our mom kept moving farther away, so we only saw them every five years or so. As adults, we kept in touch more frequently by phone, but we didn’t see each other in person very often.

Fast forward to three years ago. I have a cousin on my dad’s side, Dan (35M). We grew up extremely close — more like brothers than cousins. He’s my aunt’s son from my dad’s side, meaning he and Emma are not related by blood in any way. Again, this is important.

Emma came up to Ottawa to visit me, my wife, and our two kids. I was thrilled to see her and introduce her to the family. The first few days were great. My kids adored her, and we had a wonderful time catching up.

That weekend, we had a big family gathering at my dad’s side cottage in the valley — something we do every year. Since Emma was visiting, my dad’s side was more than happy to include her.

Everything went well on the first day and night. On the second day, Dan showed up — he couldn’t get the whole weekend off but came when he could. I was excited to introduce Emma and Dan, since they both feel like siblings to me.

At first, everything was fine. Then I noticed the two of them flirting. I found it really uncomfortable — even though there’s no blood relation, it felt wrong to me. My wife told me I was overthinking it and that they were probably just being friendly. After the weekend, I thought that was the end of it. Spoiler: it wasn’t.

They kept in touch constantly. A year later, they were dating. Another year later, they were engaged. Then last month, we got a wedding invitation. I declined. That led to a massive blow-up with Emma — she was furious. She told me I was a terrible brother for not coming, especially because she wanted me to walk her down the aisle (her dad is not in her life anymore).

I told her I couldn’t do it — I was disgusted by the whole situation. She reminded me they’re not actually related and said I was being childish. The wedding happened, I didn’t go, and now we’re no longer speaking.

My wife understands why I’m upset but thinks I should’ve gone anyway — that even if she doesn’t get the relationship either, love is love. The rest of my dad’s side has no issue with it at all and think I was in the wrong for skipping the wedding and cutting both Emma and Dan out of my life. So… AITA for cutting off my sister after she married my cousin — even though they aren’t related by blood?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Melodic-Dark6545 said:

Yes, YTA. They are not related and you had a very distant relationship with Emma. You feel disgusted because "they are LIKE siblings to YOU". So it's a YOU problem, not for them.

NOVAPlannergirl said:

So two un-related adults of legal age fell in love and you are strangely mad about it.....are you secretly in love with Emma or Dan? Or are you harboring resentment towards Emma because she has a closer relationship with your mother than you do? It was shitty of your mom to not stay in more frequent contact with you, especially as she moved farther away, but that's not Emma's responsibility or fault.

Throwaway-2587 said:

Yta. They didn't grow up as family, they aren't blood related. There is nothing wrong with their relationship. You are projecting your feelings of sibling care for both onto their relationship. That is incredibly unfair to them.

I genuinely don't get why you made it your hill to die on. Why was it worth it to ruin both relationships, when you say you loved them like siblings? Why is it such a big deal to you?

And hufflebean said:

YTA, I still don’t get what you cut them off for … two grown adults, not related, not underage, met, had feelings, grew a relationship … WTF is your problem?

Be happy that two people who you (apparently) love and care for found each other in this shitty world and made some happiness for themselves … do you have feelings for your sister? Do you have feelings for your cousin? I hope not, if you do, get therapy, if not then get over yourself!

A week later, he shared this update:

Well, it’s time for an update. A few days ago, I posted about cutting off my baby half-sister (Emma) and my cousin Dan after they got married. I took a lot of heat in the comments — and rightfully so...... After reading what everyone had to say (yes, every single comment!!!!!), I realized I needed to face the music. The first person I talked to was my wife.

Once the kids were asleep, I sat her down and asked her to tell me honestly how I’d been acting. I was not ready for the answer. She let me have it!! Told me how badly I hurt Emma, how I threw away my bond with Dan — a bond we’d had since we were kids — and how she only stayed quiet out of loyalty as my wife (however seem a bit off). Through thick and thin she reminds me. God, I love this woman!

Then she told me she talks to Emma almost every day. (They’ve always been close.) That was a gut punch. I knew I needed to make things right… but where do you even start? I figured Emma was the place to begin. I called her. No answer. Called again. Nothing. 20 missed calls later, my wife smirks and just hands me her phone — Emma was on the line. First thing she says? "What do you want?"

I told her I wanted to apologize face-to-face. That I knew I was in the wrong. She chuckled and said, “Well, it’s about time. You can meet Dan and me tomorrow at noon.” I hesitated — not because I didn’t want to apologize, but because I wasn’t sure I could handle saying it to both of them at once. Emma didn’t miss a beat: "I’ll take your silence as a yes.

Besides, Dan’s my fiancé — you owe him an apology too." Wait. Fiancé? Didn’t they already get married? We set and place to meet and hung up. I asked my wife and she just shrugged and said it was probably a slip of the tongue. I didn’t think too much about it — I was too focused on figuring out how to pull myself out of the mess I’d created. So the next day, we meet for lunch.

I basically word-vomited for an hour straight. Apologizing for everything — missing the wedding, not being there for Emma, betraying Dan. I was nearly in tears. And then… Emma bursts out laughing. I was stunned. Was my apology a joke to her? Was she not going to forgive me? Then Dan said, “It’s okay, buddy. We figured you’d come around eventually.

Now we can finally book the church and reception.” I was like… what?? Emma explained: they never got married. The wedding photos I saw? Fake. They staged them — with the help of our family — in the hopes that it would snap me out of my delusions and make me realize how much I was hurting people who love me. It worked!! I didn’t miss the real wedding.

They planned this entire elaborate scheme to help me wake up. And it did. I laughed so hard when I realized what they’d done, I almost passed out. Now, we’re planning the real wedding — and I’ll be there, front and center. I’m excited for Dan to officially become my brother-in-law, even though he’s felt like one for years and best of all I get to walk my sister down the aisle!

Thank you for waking me up. And huge shoutout to my wife — who was in on the whole plan — for standing by me, helping me see the truth, and doing it all with love and respect. I don’t deserve her, but I’m grateful as hell for her.

Umm...well, okay!