'AITA for cutting off my sister-in-law after everything that happened?'

"AITA for cutting off my sister-in-law after everything that happened?"

This is long, I’m sorry. I just feel like the details matter. My sister-in-law (28F, I’ll call her Amanda) and I (27F) have known each other for a decade when I started dating her brother (27M, “Jay”), who’s now my husband. She’s married to Ryan (29M).

We weren’t close at first. Just normal in-law stuff. But when my son was born, we became really close. Like genuinely friends. We were together almost every weekend. BBQs, dinners, nights out, family stuff. They were such good aunt and uncle to my son. Eventually we even worked together and still chose to hang out outside of work. It felt real.

Five years ago, I was unemployed and really struggling. We needed money and I was desperate. Amanda worked at an agency and referred me. I got the job. A few months later she had her wedding, it was beautiful but stressful and expensive leading up to it. We were there for everything.

Working together was fine. If anything, it made us closer. Eventually Ryan got hired there too. We saw each other Monday to Friday and then still hung out on weekends. It sounds unhealthy typing it out, but it felt normal at the time.

About a year in, I was made redundant. It crushed me. She couldn’t stop it, and I didn’t blame her. I spent three months trying to find something else and had no luck. Then she kept pushing management to bring me back, and I was rehired in May, two years ago. I was so grateful to her. I trusted her completely after that.

The only issue was I came back casual. No sick leave, no annual leave, no security. I have a kid, so that mattered. I’d ask her every now and then about going full-time and she’d always say, “I’m working on it, your job is safe.” So I believed her. During all this, nothing seemed off between us. We were still close. Still doing family things. Still going out with the work team.

Then she started getting really close with one of the older managers (40s, I’ll call him Kyle). He had just broken up with another coworker he has kids with. At first I didn’t think much of it because she’s a manager, of course they talk. But then it became video calls outside work, Snapchatting, weird little inside jokes.

All of us commented that it was strange. The age gap, his vibe, the way he acted. We told her to be careful. She laughed it off.

Around Christmas things started feeling different.

At our work Christmas party, Amanda, Ryan and I were in an Uber together. She texted me privately saying she was going to refer to Kyle and his ex by fake names because Ryan didn’t like Kyle. Then she started telling me “this story” about a couple with custody issues, which was very obviously Kyle and his ex. It felt sneaky but I didn’t push it.

They came to ours for Christmas Day. We told them to stay the night so they could drink. After presents and lunch they suddenly decided to leave instead. They were quiet. It felt weird. After Boxing Day, barely heard from them.

When I came back to work in January, Amanda told me she’d been busy helping Kyle on New Year’s Eve. Apparently he was drunk, got a call from his ex saying she was being attacked by her new boyfriend, so Amanda went and picked him up and drove there. Police involved, kids involved. Huge dramatic story. I remember listening and just feeling… unsure.

Then one night after work drinks, my friend Sophie told me that Amanda had said in the bathroom that she and Ryan had separated. “Amicable,” keeping it quiet, trying to work it out. I was blindsided. Five years of being close and she didn’t tell me? I had to hear it from someone else?

Not long after that, Kyle got fired. Amanda met him at a sports bar and started drunk video calling me with him. They were in a bathroom together. Very close. Touchy. I asked if she was with him and she said “it’s complicated.”

After that, our friendship just… died.

She stopped talking to me properly. Would say she was sick and couldn’t hang out, then post Snapchats at Kyle’s house. At work everyone knew what was going on, but she and Ryan were still pretending everything was fine. Ryan started getting angry at work and accusing me of spreading rumors, when I honestly wasn’t. I was just existing while everything was very obvious.

During this time, she started spiraling. Not being able to keep up with her lies, taking money from her parents whilst her dad was unwell, heavy substance use, and many others. She burnt all bridges with friends and family. Then the company went into administration. I knew I was vulnerable as a casual. For nine months I’d asked about security. For nine months she reassured me.

I got called into a meeting and terminated due to downsizing. Note, she was now in a position of hiring and firing. I was the only one let go. I knew the work figures and how much everyone worked, KPI’s, compliance- Ryan was falling short but wasn’t the one picked. It was personal not professional based.

She had known weeks before and didn’t tell me. That’s the part I can’t get past. Not even a quiet warning so I could start applying elsewhere. I called my husband crying on the train home. He called her. She said she was scared of him and dropped my six bags of stuff at their parents’ place so she wouldn’t have to see us. She never apologized. Never explained. Never reached out.

Five years of friendship. Supporting her through family drama. Double dates. And I was cut off like I meant nothing. We removed them from everything. I didn’t send a message. I didn’t fight for it. I just stopped. Now I keep wondering if I’m too harsh for that. If I should’ve tried to talk it out. But at the same time… she had so many chances to talk to me. And she didn’t. So AITAH for walking away completely?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Canadian-gal1733 said:

NTA. You knew her dirty little secret, and that probably made her feel threatened, so she got rid of you. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t do or say anything about her behavior. She knew that you knew what she was doing with Kyle. So you know what? She’s not worth your friendship. Move on, keep her cut out of your life . You don’t need that kind of back-stabbing chaos in your orbit.

Practical_Tax_8259 said:

NTA. I don't think this is about you...your sis in law has major issues...although I can understand why you are hurting, she needs to figure this out on her own..getting space from her for your mental health is the best option for you right now...

And writing_mm_romance said:

NTA for feeling the way you do. That said, if it came out that she slipped you a heads-up about your position, it could place her in jeopardy. I get why you feel she should, but at the end of the day, it's inappropriate regardless of your relationship.