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'AITA for cutting off my sister after she called out my husband for a 10-year-old affair?'

'AITA for cutting off my sister after she called out my husband for a 10-year-old affair?'

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"AITA for cutting off my sister after she called out my husband for a 10-year-old affair?"

10 years ago, when my then-fiancé (now husband) and I were 22 and 23, he actually cheated on me. He had an emotional affair with a fellow student. When he admitted to it, I was devastated, and we separated for a while. During that time, I had an amazing therapist who helped me through the whole thing.

I had been in therapy for a while, and she suggested I bring my partner into some sessions. The reason was simple: if we decided to stay together, it would help us work through it, and if I decided to end things, it would help me come to peace with it and not obsess over it.

Honestly, the sessions were incredible. If any of you are in a similar situation, I highly recommend doing what I did—especially if you have a therapist who’s unbiased and can really help you understand complex emotions and situations.

About three sessions in, we discovered that both of us were more complicated than we had realized. There was something deeply broken in my partner that he didn’t even know about at the time. I won’t say too much about it, but we uncovered the root cause of his behavior, which involved trauma from his past.

He started therapy himself, and my therapist referred us to a couples counselor. We went through a lot of therapy. At one point, our individual sessions weren’t even about our relationship anymore, but about ourselves. We stayed separated during this time. Luckily, we had space—we lived in a rented house where we each had our own room.

We built the relationship back up from zero—honestly, less than zero. I wanted to do that because I loved him deeply, and I believed it was worth the effort. I came out of that time a more fulfilled person. I saw that our relationship had been suffering from certain things, and I also learned that some of those issues were due to my own unresolved trauma as well.

I didn’t realize how much I had buried my emotions from my childhood until therapy helped me see it. And through it all, my partner stood by me. It’s been 10 years since all that happened, and we’re very happy now. We’ve moved from a rented house to owning an apartment, and we have two amazing cats and a tiny, socially anxious dog.

One important thing is that I never told my family about his affair. I’ve never felt comfortable with them. They use everything against you, even positive things, and spin it to make you feel terrible. Plus, I didn’t know where I stood when it first happened.

I didn’t want anyone influencing my decision—my siblings are the type who say cheaters deserve to be punished, and my parents are the kind who think cheating is just something men do. I wanted to make my own choice.

So here’s what happened recently. My sister lost her job and decided to move to my city. She stayed with us for a month while going to job interviews and apartment viewings. During this time, my husband and I decided to take a short vacation, and my sister offered to look after the pets and the apartment while we were gone.

We came back last week, and my sister was sitting at the kitchen table with a stack of printed papers. The moment we walked in, she threw water in my husband’s face and started screaming at him. I managed to calm her down and asked her what the hell was going on.

She told me she found out about his affair and showed me "proof." It was indeed proof—of his affair from 10 years ago. She had somehow found his old therapy notes, written diary-style, from right after the affair happened. He had already shown them to me years ago, so I knew exactly what they said.

I explained to her that this was all old news, that we had worked through it, and that we were in a good place. But she wouldn’t accept that I had forgiven him. She kept yelling at him, calling him a “disgusting liar,” among other insults. Then she crossed a line—she started mocking his past trauma, the same trauma we had uncovered during therapy.

These were two very serious incidents from his childhood and young adult life, and she told him he deserved everything that had happened to him and more. That was the last straw. I was absolutely furious, not only because she violated his privacy by reading his therapy notes but because she mocked his trauma so cruelly.

On top of that, she told the entire family about both his affair and his trauma, which was a deeply personal issue that she had no right to share. Now, my whole family knows, and they’ve been harassing me non-stop.

I told my sister she had crossed a huge boundary, and that I needed space from her. I asked her to leave, and now my family is upset with me, saying I’m overreacting and that she was just looking out for me.

But from my perspective, she had no right to interfere in something that happened 10 years ago, that we had already resolved. Plus, the way she ridiculed my husband’s trauma was beyond cruel. So, am I the ahole for cutting her off after she called out my husband for cheating, mocked his trauma, and told our family about everything?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Gosc101 said:

NTA. Your family seems awful. They do not care about your happiness. They only care about what they think should make you happy/unhappy.

iknowsomethings2 said:

Wow. NTA. You and your husband both worked through the affair and your respective traumas. And you forgave him. Your sister crossed a huge boundary when you were doing her a HUGE favor.

Wtf. Who snoops through their sister's and BIL's private things. Your sisters reaction and words were cruel and immature. Your families reaction is also appalling. Tell them it’s none of their business and if they bring it up again you’ll go NC/LC with all of them. Definitely go NC with your sister. She’s an awful human.

Used_Mark_7911 said:

NTA. Your sister obviously spent her time searching every nook and cranny of the house looking for something she could weaponize. You can’t trust her in your home, and honestly you can’t trust her at all.

Immediate-Can9337 said:

NTA. Not even family can hurt others under the guise of "Helping" if the supposed grown-up victim is refusing it. She deserves to be sent to jail to too much transgressions in your privacy.

Complete-Design5395 said:

Absolutely NTA. I’d be going full NC. I hope you and your husband are okay and that her bringing it up didn’t re-open those old wounds.

SluttyScarletx said:

NTA. Your sister's actions were completely out of line. She violated your husband's privacy, mocked his trauma, and spread private information to your family. You have every right to be upset and cut her off.

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