Woman defends choice to ban adopted sister from holidays after lawsuit threat over family home. AITA? UPDATED 2X
"AITA for cutting off my sister and telling her she’s no longer welcome in my house after threatening to sue me?"
So I (26F) have a "sister" (31f) let's Call her Jane. Jane is not my bio sister but we grew up in the same household. For as long as a can remember Jane has had this victim mentality. Mom died when she was young, dad was never in the picture but my mom her aunt/god mother took her in. She lived with us for 13 years before she got married and moved to Idaho with her husband.
We never had the best relationship growing up but I assumed it was just "sibling" rivalry and we would grow out of it like me and my baby sister (25f) my mom passed away in 2020 and Jane thought it was only right that she inherit my mom's engagement ring even after declaring at the funeral that my mom was not her mom just a women who helped raise her.
I then moved back into my parents home because I felt bad for my dad and didn't want him to be alone. After converting the top floor of our 3 story home into a mini apartment for myself Jane raised concerns that there would be no space for her to come home to during Christmases. But we made due.
My dad recently paid off the home and signed the deed over to me under the condition that he live there rent free until he dies since I had been helping him pay the mortgage and would continue to pay the taxes on the home.
I dismantled the apartment on the 3rd floor, making it once a again a 5 bedroom home, however 2 of the bedrooms my sisters used to occupy are now a walk in closet and a room for my dogs, I added a pool, a new bathroom, renovated the kitchen and turned the basement into a bar lounge area.
Once this was completed Jane asked me how we would split the sale of the home. I was confused as to what she meant. I was not selling my home. She stated that since my dad paid it off that when he died that house would go to all of us and we should just get ahead and sell the property now.
I told her I was not selling and that my dad signed it over to me. She then said she would call someone to appraise the home and I would then have to "buy" her and my little sister out. When I told her again that I owned the home, I was not selling and she wasn't getting any money she threatened to sue me. I told her to leave.
A few weeks later she called my dad to ask what the plans were for Christmas and if I was going to be staying in a hotel since I could not be cordial. My dad told her I would not be staying in a hotel but she was still welcome to come and stay with us.
I politely informed him that she nor her family were welcome to stay and if he needed to stay with her over the holidays he could also stay in a hotel. Now she's called my whole family and gone on a campaign of how evil I am for doing this over the holidays.
Most of my family agrees with her except a few who do not want to be involved saying that she only said she'd sue me out of anger after realizing something else was taken from her. (Her mom, her dad, my mom, now her childhood home) which leads me to believe that maybe they are right?
Am I being to harsh on her after all her struggles in life or is she simply just a b-word. Little sis is fine please stop worrying about her she's not a problem hence why I did not list everything she got from our mom or our dad.
Update:
I suggested my dad stay in a hotel with Jane because he was insistent that she spend Christmas with him. I didn't say he couldn't live with me anymore. I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to be around someone who wanted to sue and may still try.
I also got the engagement ring. I thought it was crazy that someone declared that's not my mom but wanted her ring that MY DAD bought. Also Little Sis got the wedding bands.
Dad also gave Jane significant amounts of money to open her own bakery little sis took over his business. I got the home and the retirement and life insurance will be split in 3 when (if) he passes cause he can't die, to be honest.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
NTA. It was very kind of your parents to give her a home as a child. That doesn't necessarily mean she is entitled to inherit. Besides, your dad has already signed the house over to you, as it's mutually beneficial to you both. That means it's your house. Period.
But the part that really gets me is that she wants to go ahead and get it over with?!?! That is an appalling mindset. Does she care about your dad and his wishes? Where does she expect him to live? To me, that just demonstrates that she just cares about herself and is trying for a money grab. Stand your ground!
Presumably she already inherited from both her bio parents so why would she expect a share from her guardians as well? Let alone while one is still alive and LIVING IN the home she wants to sell out from under him. She literally intended to turf dad out of his home so she could profit after he lost his wife. She's a ghoul.
Additional-Loan-4140 (OP)
She did not inherit anything from her parents my dad’s side of the family has the money. It’s my mom side she’s from.
Please kindly Remind these folks that she is Insisting that You SELL the “Family Home where SHE Grew Up” so that SHE can get $$$. I guarantee you that the Family got a completely Different Story. Oh & NTA.
NTA. Please make sure your dad has an iron clad will. She sounds like she is going to be the type to money grab once he passes.
A month later, the OP returned with an update.
The family wedding was over the weekend and everything there was great! No drama I kept my distance from Jane. The bride was not out staged at all! Well not by me and the drama at least.
However Sunday after the wedding my aunt Renee called me to ask if I would be coming to dinner to celebrate Christmas early since Jane was in town and would not be coming for the actual holiday.
I politely declined, said I would send the children's gift with my dad but there was no need to go and pretend that I was over Jane's behavior. My aunt then said "I would be upset too if you refused to give me my share but gave little sis her share, that really shows a divide".
I asked her to said that again because I think I hallucinated. Jane really has been out here saying I split the house with my little sister when I did not. I explained to my aunt what actually happened and then my dad confirmed the information I gave.
My aunt was shocked. Not only had Jane lied to her and the whole family she also lied and said my dad never gave her anything. He gave me the house, my little sister his business and Jane a lump sum of money to start her bakery since she had no interest in running the family business.
Jane is currently staying with aunt Renee, but Renee is now upset and feels duped into this whole mess. Renee and my dad are both upset with Jane but still believe that I should forgive and forget and move forward. Renee is going to talk to Jane tomorrow before she leaves to go back to Idaho but I'm not sure it will do anything.
Not a great/entertaining update but I guess I felt compelled to finish the story. At this point though I don't care if I'm the AH (I was surprised by the amount of comments saying I was) but I don't need anymore stress from these people.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
I'm always amused by people who say forgive and forget. I can guarantee that no one EVER forgets! You're NTA.
You should not forgive someone who hasn't shown remorse, or asked for forgiveness.
They still want you to forgive and forget after finding out she’s lying to your extended family? Hell no that just confirms she should not be forgiven.
NTA. She acts like she’s family when it benefits her, but then calls out you aren’t her bio family when she wants. She can’t have it both ways. She’s not owed the house. Or anything for that matter. You all got financial shell from your dad in some way. She’s a manipulative b-word.
I would tell her since you didn’t think my mum was your real mum, I’m not your real sister. This is my house. You are no longer welcome in my house. She’s not your family and she’s not your friend. She’s a user and manipulative. She didn’t give a darn if selling the house would make your dad homeless.