Dad accused of 'betraying' kids; 'Your inheritance won't be what you expected.' AITA?
When this man doesn't know if he made the right financial move, he asks the internet:
"AITA for informing my children that my wife will be getting the inheritance?"
I have three kids, they are all adults with their own lives. My late wife ( their mother) passed while they were highschool/college years. Around 5 years later I started to date my now wife Kelly.
They have never liked Kelly, and they never gave her a chance. They were not happy I was dating and even more unhappy when I was getting married. I have been married to her for about 7 years now. She really hasn’t done anything to make them dislike her so much.
I bought the house when I was married to my late wife, when she passed I continued to pay the mortgage. Kelly moved in and sold her old place and basically paid off the rest of the home. We split the other bill now.
Anyways both of our wills give basically everything to eachother. I have some sentimental stuff that will go to the kids. The big stuff, will go to her and the same for me if she passes.
I was at dinner and the kids asked about my will. I informed them of the plan and they were really upset. This started an argument that the childhood home goes to my wife.
They think I am a huge jerk and believe it should go to them. One made a comment about kicking her out when they got the home, which solutions my stance.
They think I am a huge jerk, and I think it’s pretty obvious I would leave my wife the house that she helped pay for to her. They already got their mothers money, it was used to pay for their colleges years ago. They're being spoiled and resentful of their stepmom. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought. They were torn!
trevanaice writes:
YTA. They are still your children, they should get a fair share, especially after their mother payed for the house as well and so they never got this inheritance either. It is clear that you replaced your old family with your new wife.
Especially in this days it is hard enough for young adults to start their own live with finance and house market are on this niveau for years and no normal earning person can get anything. And then to cut them out of your will, the only way, they migth get some head start - not for them but for their own children one day, is an TA move.
Hypotetically if you die first, the house and everything will go to your now wife, then she dies and then everything will go to relatives of your wife and nothing to your children. Is this really what you want? To cut your children out completly?
It would make more sense if you eigther solitt everything so your children get half and your wife get half of everything. Or to give everything to your children (without some money and shared things between you and your wife)...
but fill in a clausel that even if your children get the house your wife is allowed to live their rent free untill she passes or is no longer able to live by herself (as determined by a doctor).
shili8 writes:
NTA. Obviously, your kids are behaving abominably. Since she paid off the mortgage, you would be an asshole if you didnt leave it to your wife.
Why havent you put her on the deed already? You probably could title it such that it automatically goes to her upon your death so it doesnt have to pass through the estate. That way there is less chance for your kids to cause mischief when the will is probated.
atalein writes:
NTA, she paid for that house and is living in it with you, at this point it is her home as well and hopefully by the time it gets to the will she would have lived in it for more than a decade.
You don't have to give them further justification than that, but you can try to evaluate how much money your wife has put into the property over time and show it as an argument that it is more hers than their late mother's financial contribution was.
You don't have to though and any sort of entitlement they feel about what you will leave them is stupid. These are your assets, they are all grown ass people. You can decide who they go to and they can't tell you anything.
flamberghasted writes:
The beauty of it being your Will, is that it's your Will. They are your assets to divvy out how you see fit. Not everyone is going to like your decision!
Did you explain to your children how much of the home your wife has paid off? How much she contributes to your lives together? Because those details may give them a little more insight into your decision. However, from your post, it sounds like maybe it won't change from their past behavior. And that sucks too.
NTA, your children are being children and the immaturity is very apparent. It's YOUR Will, they do not have entitlement to your assets and how they divvy up. The same thing would be happening if their mother was alive, all assets would be distributed to the remaining spouse and nothing going to them.
I would be prepared for them to contest your Will though if this is how they are reacting to the news. Talk to your attorney and set up a plan for this to happen.
You can always add specific paragraphs in your Will that if anyone contests your decision they get a dollar or nothing at all. It seems cruel, but again, it's YOUR Will, and those decisions are always gonna piss someone off.
joolsforyou writes:
YTA because it was half your dead wife's house. Therefore I think fifty percent of the house should go to her children. Now your present wife could pay them off or simply sell the property and split the money.
I personally be angry if I died and my husband remarried and cut my kids out of my house, or at least my share of it. I'd go with it be OK to leave it all in a trust until wife dies and then children can inherit it. But don't trust your wife to leave any to your kids, Wills are easily changed after you die.
caca0 writes:
Went through something similar when my step-dad passed. Him and my mom were married for over 20+ years at this point and she helped pay off the house + pay for renos etc when she moved in.
However my step siblings were insistent that it was their house because their mom lived there first, even though my mom has lived there longer and paid more into it.
It was a shit show of entitlement and kids thinking there was hidden money somewhere for some reason even though there most Def wasn't and they never lived like there was. But his kids were certain that everything should go to them and my mom left with nothing.
I don't think you're the ahole, but just be aware that if you pass first then it's going to get messy as long as you live in the house that they see as THEIRS first. NTA.
takhar7 writes:
YTA. A massive one. That's their childhood home, and one of the few remaining connections to their late mother. The fact that you seem insensitive to their stance on you dating, and marrying, so soon after the loss of their mother, is bothersome.
The fact that you think a few "sentimental" goodies is compensation enough, basically confirms to me the exact thing that your kids are thinking: you don't really love them, and they aren't a priority in your life. Which is fine. That's your prerogative. Just like it's their prerogative to think you're a massive asshole.
chatoiccapricorn writes:
YTA...I have a VERY difficult time believing that their mother left no assets that could be passed on to them. At the very least you could purchase out the equity she invested and divide that up among your children.
This seems awfully petty of you and insanely adversarial to disinherit them. You say she has done nothing, but that is one perspective and doesn't tell us what YOU did. Did you spring this relationship on them?
Want her to be called mom, or some other typical evil step mom trope? Something doesn't Dd up, because like you said, they were adults when you started dating, so why are they ALL so against her? You're not being truthful. You need to figure this out before you kids decide to pull the trigger first and cut you out of their lives.
oscrivr writes:
NTA. Your money, your choices. However, can I offer a solution? Put the house in a trust. The trust can allow the surviving spouse to remain in the home, then when that spouse passes, the trust can split the house 50/50 between your kids and her kids.
Make sure the kids understand that Kelly paid off the house, and while they grew up there, it is HER (and your) home.
That said, your kids are coming across as really entitled, and if my kids treated my spouse the way yours seem to be, I wouldn't leave them anything.
bakatari writes:
We've got this same situation, but compounded with multiple sets of children from my dad and my step-mom. Some of the kids are butt-hurt that Dad's new wife is getting the estate when he dies (and vice-versa), some are less concerned.
The point for you to remember is this: nobody is entitled to an inheritance.
If your kids want something when you're gone, they should start earning it and putting it away for themselves, on their own, right now. What if you manage to spend your entire estate down to nothing as of the day you die? Are they going to piss and moan about how selfish you were to enjoy the fruits of your labor and leave them with nothing?
NTA, and I applaud you for telling them in advance so your lovely wife doesn't have to deal with a raft of BS from your kids when you pass.
ETA: as to their "childhood home" - don't they have their own homes? Are they all planning to move themselves and their families into this childhood home? What about their own children who already have a childhood home and presumably want to stay there?
And if they just plan on kicking your wife to the curb and selling the place, it's clearly not about nostalgia over a childhood home. It's about $$$.