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Dad 'curses out' ex-wife for calling daughter who recently shaved her head, 'too ugly.' AITA? UPDATED

Dad 'curses out' ex-wife for calling daughter who recently shaved her head, 'too ugly.' AITA? UPDATED


"AITA for cursing at my ex-wife because she upset our daughter?"

I 40(M) have a 15 year old daughter who recently shaved her head because of hairloss issues. This morning my daughter and I went wig shopping and clothes shopping for the Easter pictures. My daughter called me a couple hours ago crying. I asked her what was wrong.

She told me that her mother said she’s not allowed in the Easter photos because she would “ruin them." My daughter tried explaining to her mother that she could wear her wig. Her mother was saying hurtful mean things to her. Her mother told her she was too ugly to be in the pictures.

I messaged her mother and I was pissed. I said, “You really destroyed our daughter’s self esteem over something she can not control. She is beautiful and wouldn’t ruin the photos. I can’t believe you said those horrible things to our daughter. You are a hateful b and always have been.

You are rude and disrespectful to everyone you meet. I am so glad that I divorced your sorry a$s all those years ago. When she is an adult she’s not going to have anything to do with you and I can promise you that.” Her mother responded demanding an apology and calling me a disrespectful piece of sh$t. My daughter came to my house about an hour ago.

My daughter is currently staying here because she wants nothing to do with her mother. My daughter and I took a photo together. She wasn’t wearing her wig. I asked her if it was okay to post it. She said that it was okay. I posted the photo of us with the caption, “My beautiful daughter. I love you so much.

You’re so beautiful, even if you can’t see how beautiful you are, I see your beauty.” Her mother texted me telling me to take the photo down. I told her to pound sand. I ignored her texts because I am not in a good place to talk to her. AITAH for using fowl language? I usually don’t talk to women like that but she really struck a nerve.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Moody_Scorpio_88 said:

NTA your ex-wife crossed the line with your daughter and thank goodness your daughter has a wonderful father to stick up for her.

New-Conversation-88 said:

I don't understand why a mother would not support a daughter through something like this. I don't understand any parent not supporting any child through this, but a female female bond over hair and its importance to looks and validation? You are a good understanding parent. NTA.

kymrIII said:

Keep on defending your daughter. Do what you can so she has as little contact with mother and brother as possible. Mostly, get your daughter into therapy. It’s going to take her awhile to heal.

wlfwrtr said:

NTA get full custody before your ex goes irreparable damage to daughter's mental health. Get daughter into therapy to help her with self esteem issues.

Swiss_Miss_77 said:

NTA and I would get your girl into therapy and go to court for full custody and make any visits with mom supervised by a court ordered third party. She's abusive and AWFUL.

Front_Rip4064 said:

Absolutely NTA MAYBE you were harsh with your ex but I can understand where you were coming from. I'd just make an extra effort in the future to watch your language around her. I'm glad your daughter has you in her life.


So here’s an update, I ended up apologizing to my ex wife for the foul language used. My daughter is still at my house and refusing to go home to her mothers. Her mother called the police and reported our daughter as a runaway. An officer came to my door this morning claiming that my daughter was a run away.

I explained the situation to the officer. I explained that she came her on her own free will and I brought up her age and the custody arrangement. I also explained that she told her mother via text where she was going and that her mother already knew that she was here. In fact her mother told her that it was fine to come here. It was a whole mess.

The officer ended up leaving and said there is nothing he can do. He said he can’t force her to come back. My daughter slipped into a depressive episode. My daughter has bipolar disorder and experiences highs and lows. Due to stress and recent events she slipped into a depression.

I feel horrible for her. I talked to an attorney and we have a family court date coming up. I am suing for sole custody. I’m collecting evidence that her mother is abusive. Since my daughter is 15 I think the judge should let her choose who she wants to live with.

Yesterday I went to the store and got my daughter new clothes, shoes, makeup, and self care items. I put them in a gift bag to surprise her. I’m giving the gift bag to her later on when she wakes up. Yesterday morning I made sure to tell her how beautiful she is. She starts therapy in two weeks!

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

AwkwardFortuneCookie said:

Good daddy points! I know first hand how devastating alopecia can be, so having a parent shred your ego worse is just unthinkable. My heart goes out to her.

tonyrains80 said:

NTA but please control yourself. Don't give the wicked witch of the east any ammunition to use against you in court. Take care of your daughter and keep her away from your evil ex.

s0ciety_a5under said:

NTA, keep being a good dad. Don't force your daughter to reestablish a relationship with her mother. That's her choice.

SilentJoe1986 said:

NTA. She had it coming. I hope the apology was "I'm sorry for the language I used, but not for what I said."

theworldisonfire8377 said:

Well done Dad! And yes, because she's 15, her wishes in terms of where she wants to live will have a big part in what the judge decides for when you go for custody. Good luck, keep doing what you're doing and save every little tidbit of evidence against the wicked witch.

Fire_or_water_kai said:

Really hope good things happen for OP and his daughter. The gift bag idea is so sweet.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

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