'AITA for questioning the way my wife disciplines our 5-year-old daughter?'
"AITA for questioning the way my wife disciplines our 5-year-old daughter?"
It all started over dinner when my wife decided to grab a soda from the fridge. My wife saw my 5yr old daughter eyeing the soda with interest and offered her some with a warning that it was "spicy."
My daughter took a sip of the soda and had a look of uncertainty. My wife then asks "Did you like it?" daughter says "yes" with the uncertain look continued. "So finish it" my wife says as my daughter refuses.
My wife follows up with "Ah, because you didn't like it." Daughter replies with "No, I do like it mom. I just don't want anymore." "So finish it." Daughter finishes the drink and goes "That was yummy mom."
This goes on for another 5min of back and forth with my wife trying to get my daughter to admit that she does not like the soda. I sit there enjoying the back and forth banter as it all seems playful. Suddenly, my wife tells my daughter "No toys, no games, no tablets for lying."
My daughter visibly confused and sad says "Okay mom I just didn't like because it was too bubbly." Wife says "too late, nothing for the rest of the night. Get ready for bed." I sat there in confusion due to the playful nature suddenly becoming a lesson about lying.
I mentioned that our daughter just wanted to impress her by drinking an "adult" drink and wasn't about deceiving her. I was then accused of just allowing my daughter to walk all over us and play us like we're idiots.
My wife had made up her mind that my 5yr old daughter is a pathological liar because of this and other light lying examples children do regularly (i.e, That wasn't me who knocked that over, I don't remember you saying that, when I was big... etc.)
I mentioned that she set my daughter up and it wasn't taken kindly. She then began putting down my abilities as a parent and to wait when she's a teenager and lies about much more serious things and she's gonna get away with it because I don't question her.
I felt like this was blown way out of proportion and she stormed out into our office as she says "I guess I'm the only parent here! Keep letting her slide you'll see!" Anyways AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Lackluster79 said:
NTA. Setting kids up with manipulative questions like that is surefire way for them to develop anxiety when they get older. "Do I really feel this way?" "Am I just lying to myself." "I should just stick with what I know I like." This type of parenting is going to make her a nervous wreck who can't trust her own judgment.
Lost-Moskito said:
NTA your wife is manipulative, trapped her kid and abused her mentally.
RulerOfNyaNyaLand said:
NTA. Your wife did an awful thing: she made a new experience into a trap for a 5-year-old child. Look, your daughter wasn't lying. She was trying to decide what she thought about a new taste. She might have liked the sweetness, but not so sure what she thought about the carbonation.
So... great way to make her reluctant to try any new foods or drinks, mom. I applaud my daughter every time she tries something new and I don't press her to decide whether she likes it or not. New foods for young kids can take several tries before a kid likes it or ultimately decides they don't. Please bring this up to your wife. It's bad to create food anxiety with kids. Don't let her do this.
Also, setting a kid up to lie is a parent fail. Reassuring your child they don't need to lie because you are safe to be honest with is always better. Punishing lying like that instead of having a discussion about it and letting them know they can trust you with the truth will just make them more wary and feel that you don't understand their feelings.
ExoticFee5965 said:
NTA!! Your wife seems to be taking a little thing extremely seriously and blowing it out of proportion. I agree stick up for your kid always!
Remarkable_Buyer4625 said:
NTA - This is abusive behavior on you wife’s part though (both to your daughter and YOU). Don’t let her get away with it or your daughter will absolutely grow up to have anxiety (or worse) and you will start to lose confidence in yourself as a parent. A parent protects their child….
Even if that means sometimes it’s from the other parent. And -btw- abusing your child now will in no way prevent her from lying to you when she’s a teenager, so you should also nip that falsehood in the bud. If she lies about something serious when she’s a teenager, you’ll deal with it then.
discordiuum said:
My mom used to do this to me when I was kid. Now I just don't interact with her :) because I rather not end thinking "Is this right?" "Will she believe me?" "Is she going to do something if she thinks I'm wrong/lying?" I don't trust my mom because she pulled s#%t like this. NTA btw. Just know your wife probably won't have a real relationship with your daughter.