Dad gets into a fight over teen son's 'clothes-smell.' AITA? 'He is sensitive.'

"AITA for getting into a fight over 'clothes-smell?'"

I 36M, have a son, Leo (15M). He mostly lives with his mother Kristy and her husband, Randy, as we thought it would be best for him to live in a more traditional home environment. Still, he visits often, especially when school's out. He's a great kid, social, good with school, sporty. Lately, though, I've been noticing that he's always worn out when he gets home to me.

Like he’ll come in and just sit on the floor of his room with the lights off, or fall asleep at the most random times. He says Kristy's place is just a "little tiring" at the moment. Stuff in his room got moved around, the light keeps flickering even after he turns it off, and his step-siblings are being louder.

Usually, he doesn't come to me during the term, but Monday, he called me, upset, and asked me to get him. I got an uber to pick him up immediately, while I took off work to go meet them. (I called Kristy to tell her this was happening btw I didn't just kidnap our son)

He didn’t say much when he arrived and was still in his uniform. He hugged me, went to his room, and shut the door. I checked on him and he was just lying on the carpet in the dark. Eventually he told me Kristy sprayed strong scented spray through his entire closet, bed, and curtains because it "smelled like a locker room."

Leo is sensitive to smells and the clothes were so strong, he couldn't hold them to his face, let alone put them on. I obviously got him a change of clothes, and got him some food.

Then I called Kristy to ask what the heck was up. Leo has always had a thing about strong smells, I think its genetic or something, so my fault. Kristy said in the real world that some things are just going to smell.

I said he manages fine at school and during swim training. He just wants comfort. in his own room. Making him uncomfortable on purpose doesn’t teach anything. She and I got in a fight and I told her Leo would back when he wants, and I’m not going to pressure him. She says I'm enabling and disrupting his schooling over "clothes-smell." AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Eastern_Condition863 said:

NTA. Reactions to scents/smells can cause physical issues: nausea, headaches, migraines, stuffy nose, etc. She's the one disrupting his school if he can't even sleep in his own bed or let alone breath the air cause to him it's toxic. Ask her why she's okay with poisoning her son? Keep him at your house until she pulls her head out of her arse.

TalkToHoro said:

NTA. A fifteen year old boy smells like a locker room? That never happens! Is it possible he's on the spectrum somewhat? It sounds like he gets overwhelmed by too much sensory input in a variety of forms. It might be worth talking to a doctor about? (Or you could ignore me since I'm jut a random guy on the internet!)

Soldier_Faerie said:

NTA. I'm autistic which affects sensory sensitivity for me, particularly touch and smell. If my room didn't smell normal or 'safe' to me when I'm going through a rough time, it adds up to the stress and I would not be able to cope.

It sounds silly to other people, but in my own space I need to be able to get away from overstimulation, so for my safe space to smell weirdly would make me want to cry. Yes the real world is overstimulating, but my space is my space.

Your son couldn't cope with the smell, and wanted a safe space to be able to wind down in, and you were available to help with that, as well as explaining the problem to his mother.

JuJu-Petti said:

Saturating everything with chemicals is not a substitute for cleaning. You don't need smells to clean. You can neutralize the smells by washing things in baking soda and putting vinegar in the bleach dispenser.

Everything comes out smelling fresh and light and like fresh clean swimming pool water. It's really nice. Once I tried it I never went back to detergent. It smells so much better and everything is cleaner. My stuff is softer. Things like hair don't stick to them from soap residue. NTA. I also can't stand strong smells. There is no substitute for clean.

Fluffy_Musician6805 said:

Nta, if the clothes smell they need to be washed, not sprayed.sleeping a lot at 15 is normal, sounds like he needs a break from mom's house.

rjbonita79 said:

NTA. We thought our cats were peeing in the house the smell was just my son's soccer shoes. He kept them in the garage from then on. Sprayed them with charcoal powder and kept his dirty sports clothes in a hamper in said garage. He did his own laundry. His room is his room and if he can stand the smell who am I to complain. This mom is wacko. It's just a passing thing called puberty