Dad gives vegan son animal products behind wife's back, 'he felt lonely.' AITA?
"AITA for giving my son non-vegan food behind my wife's back?"
I am (32M) and my wife is (33F.) We have been married for 8 years and have a 12 yo son together.
About 6 years ago, my wife decided to go vegan. She was sent the documentary Dominion by a vegan friend of hers and ever since has said nonvegan food is "revolting" and refuses to eat it.
After a long conversation I agreed to go vegetarian and be vegan in the house and around her, which she was happy with.
She also decided our son should be vegan, which after seeing a dietician I also agreed with. Things have been fine with this arrangement until a few months ago when I began finding wrappers from nonvegan candy and even burgers from McDonald's in my sons school bag which he had been buying with chore money.
I had a conversation with my son and he confessed he felt lonely and excluded eating vegan around his friends and that they always had much better candy than he did and it wasn't fair.
I decided I didn't want him spending his pocket money on snacks and throwing out the vegan snacks we actually brought him instead of buying games etc, it made no sense, but I also know the way my wife feels about nonvegan products. So, I began buying my son what he wanted on our way to football practice instead.
Long story short, my wife recently found out what has been going on and completely flipped out. She called me an animal abuse enabler and a few other names and said I was corrupting our son.
Now she is not speaking to me, our son panicked and told her I had bought the snacks for him and he didn't know they weren't vegan (I don't blame him for that, he just doesn't want to be in trouble with mom). AITA here?
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
SeekingBeskar said:
NTA. I think my answer, at this point, would be, “Our son is old enough to decide what he wants to eat and what his dietary preferences are. If we put him into a situation where he feels he has to hide things from us, that’s on us.”
If your wife is confronting him about this in any kind of intimidating way or trying to make him feel guilty with the same phrases she’s using with you, I would prioritise your son and his needs and well-being. Shit like this can cause a lot of problems.
GottaSpoofEmAll said:
As a vegan…NTA. We humans are designed to eat meat - it’s a perfectly normal thing for our bodies to do. In fact, I’m the abnormal one NOT eating meat!
I’m old enough to have made that choice and I’m happy - your son shouldn’t have it ‘forced’ upon him at such a young age, when building bonds is so important. His body, his choice and you’re doing nothing wrong supporting him. NTA.
FlyGuy1922 said:
ESH. Only a little bit OP but you shouldn’t have lied to your wife. Would I have done something similar? Probably. But you need to seriously sit down as a family and discuss this.
Don’t let your wife bully your son into being a vegan if he doesn’t want to be. He’s 12 now and old enough to make choices about his diet. This is honestly unfair on him and he shouldn’t have to hide way he’s eating to his parents that’s seriously unhealthy.
Your wife also needs to accept that not everyone is going to share her opinions and if her son wants to eat meat there’s nothing really she can do to stop him but guilting him into being a vegan is not the way to do it.
LadyoftheHounds said:
NTA - Going vegan is a choice. She did not give you or your son a choice about your dietary preferences. Of course your kid will go behind her back. I would too. It's really not her decision. I'm surprised you aren't sneaking off with your son for burgers.
Realistic-You9997 said:
NTA - but you need to push back. Your wife doesn’t get to decide that the whole family has to be vegan. Your son is going to just keep hiding things from you both if you don’t stand up for him now.
Waterslide33 said:
NTA. Your son is 12 years old and old enough to decide whether he wants to continue being vegan or not.
You did the right thing by accepting his choice but maybe you should have talked to your wife about it, it's never a good idea to do things behind your partner's back.
Whether she agrees or not, you would have continued to support your son anyway, he's free to choose now.
dazed1984 said:
NTA. Your son is 12 and old enough to understand and make his own decisions about food, your wife is TA for trying to force it and for her comments about corrupting your son and animal abuse enabler.