I (25F) stopped talking to my dad after discovering he got remarried when a video from his wedding showed up on my TikTok for you page. My parents were married for 22 years before they divorced in 2021. Growing up, my family wasn’t perfect. I witnessed them argue frequently, but I never imagined they’d actually separate.
In the last few years of their marriage, things seemed fine, or at least that’s how it appeared to me. However, I moved out at 17, so I guess it was harder for me to see the full picture.
A few years sgo, I moved to London to pursue my master’s degree. A year later, my mum called me in tears to tell me that she and my dad were getting divorced. She said he had packed his bags and left. I was thousands of kilometers away at the time, but as soon as I heard the news, I booked the next available flight to be with her.
Before flying home, I called my dad. Honestly, I don’t even remember what I said. I was crying, yelling, and asking how he could do this to us. I don’t recall much of his response, but it was not a good conversation.
When I got home, my mum also told me that he had taken $30,000 in cash that was meant for my wedding and my long-term visa in the UK. I was furious but decided to call him for clarification. I explained that I needed just $3,000 of that money for my graduate visa so I could stay in the UK and work.
To my shock, he shouted down the phone, telling me to “get a f***ing job.” I was stunned. I tried to explain that I was freshly graduated and actively looking for work, but he refused to help. He even claimed he’d been “generous” by leaving my mum the family house, which is a lie, as the apartment had been gifted to her by my grandmother before they got married.
That was our last conversation. We went completely no-contact. In January, my parents’ divorce was finalized. A couple of months later, while scrolling through TikTok, a video from my dad’s wedding popped up on my For You page. I was floored. I debated whether to tell my mum but eventually decided to send her the video.
She was understandably hurt and disappointed, but also relieved to have made the right choice in divorcing him. After seeing the wedding video, my mum and I started to wonder if he had been cheating on her for some time. It just didn’t make sense for him to leave so suddenly unless he already had someone waiting for him.
Although we’ve been no-contact for years, he randomly sent me a “happy birthday” message a couple years ago. I replied, but it felt awkward. He didn’t message me at all last year, and I can’t decide if I’m more upset about that or indifferent. So, am I the @$$hole for cutting off my dad?
Maya2661 said:
NTA. But to be true...your dad already cut you out of his life, I am sorry.
UberN00b719 said:
Nope. Your dad has shown you who he is. Focus on your and your mom's well being. Calling it that within a few years, he's going to be freshly divorced again and looking to you and your mom to "fix" things, something that at that point is completely self serving on his part. Stay no contact; it's in you and your mom's best interests. NTA
unzunzhepp said:
He needed your money for his new family since you, in his view, was flown out of the nest. Bet he was waiting for you to move before leaving for his mistress. Bet he thinks he did good bc of that.
OP responded:
Omg you’re so right!!! I didn’t even think of it like that. Thank you for your reply ❤️
rnewscates73 said:
Him taking the $30,000, claiming to “give mum the house”, and screaming at you to “get a job” are all the bridges you need to know are burned. He has thrown you away - he cares nothing for you. Don’t even answer his minimal “happy birthday” wishes. Someday he may need you and reach out. Don’t fall for it.
mockingbird82 said:
I have to ask, did your mom get any of that money back in the divorce? Spouses can't just take off with all the money when they're ready to leave (unless it's money that is "protected" like an inheritance, but it's no longer protected when it's put in a joint account. Depends on state, too, I guess). Ones who do get in trouble in court.
OP responded:
No she didn’t unfortunately! The money was just cash that we kept at home in the safe, so there was no way of actually providing a proof that he took that money and it was actually my mum that was saving it.
But also, she never wanted to dispute it as it was already stressful enough. I’m also not from the US, in Kazakhstan divorces are quick and easy if you have no assets to divide/dispute. He took everything he could: his car and all of the cash we kept at home, my mum kept the apartment as it was hers and whatever she had in her personal bank account and personal savings.
AntRose104 said:
Ok but did you end up getting the $3k you needed in order to stay in London and continue your education/career
OP responded:
Yes! Luckily my family and my fiancé at the time helped me and I was able to pay for it, so all worked out
We'll keep you posted if there are any updates!