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'AITA for telling my husband to apologize to our daughter for taking her phone away?'

'AITA for telling my husband to apologize to our daughter for taking her phone away?'


"AITA for telling my husband to apologize for invading our daughter's privacy after he saw something he didn't like on her phone and took it away?"

I (36f) have a daughter "Stacy" (17f), and two days, my husband "Josh" (38m) had borrowed her phone to send a text to my MIL since his phone had died. From what he told me, after Josh had texted his mother, he had opened Chrome on Stacy's phone, and saw a website called Archive of Our Own on one of the tabs.

There was a story about a character assaulting another character from one of Stacy's favorite shows in graphic detail. It disgusted my husband so much that he stormed into Stacy's bedroom, confronting her with it, and began yelling at her for reading it.

Stacy cried because he called her disgusting during it, and then Josh took the phone back to our bedroom, where he stayed in for most of the day. When I came home from work, Josh told me what happened and demanded we punish our daughter by taking her phone away from her for the next two weeks and send her to therapy.

I said no to all of it, and asked Josh why he was snooping through Stacy's phone in the first place. He couldn't come up with answer. I told him that there's much worse things Stacy could be doing than just reading about something so dark, that he invaded our daughter's privacy, and hurt Stacy's feelings by calling her disgusting.

I took her phone out of our bedroom and gave it back to Stacy. I then told Josh that he should apologize for invading Stacy's privacy and calling her disgusting. Josh has since then apologized for calling our daughter disgusting but hasn't apologized for snooping, and refuses to do so. He says I'm being an a$s for expecting him to.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ModeMysterious3207 said:

NTA. Your husband is a dumbass of the first order. If he had concerns he could have calmly discussed them. Instead, he insulted his daughter, showed her no respect, and destroyed any trust between them. That is how you turn your daughter into an enemy. She's 17? He doesn't have much time left to fix this screwup.

Minute-Sundae-4185 said:

NTA. Your husband shouldn’t have gone through her phone. Also if he was really worried that something was wrong with Stacy shaming her would be the wrong approach as now she will just make sure no one knows what she is reading.

CollegeBoy1613 said:

NTA. Your daughter will remember this for the rest of her life. He'll be lucky if she puts him in a nursing home.

OoohItsAMystery said:

NTA. That's such a gross invasion of privacy. He was supposed to send a text. That should have been it and he should have given the phone right back. There was no excuse nor reason other than just to snoop and see what she was up to. It's his own fault he found something he didn't like. And if I was your daughter I wouldn't accept one apology without the other...

Unholy_mess169 said:

NTA, but talk to daughter I seriously doubt this is the first time he has violated her privacy like this.

Practical-Witness796 said:

Shame based parenting will only drive them further away. The best thing to do there would have been to have a conversation.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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