'My dad is writing me out of the will since I refuse to care for my elderly aunt. AITA?'

"Don’t want to assume financial responsibility for my 78-year-old aunt. Dad is writing me out of the will as a result. AITA?"

My father and I just had an argument because he asked me to “promise to take care of my aunt after he dies” and I refused to commit to that. He is now writing me out of his will. I’m posting here because I’m genuinely unsure which of us is in the wrong.

My father’s older sister (my aunt) is a genuinely kind person, but she has not been a significant part of my life due to living abroad for most of it. She is extremely dear to my father and took care of him like a mother when he was small. She is one of the most important people in his life.

She comes from a culture that loves designer brands, showing off to others, and spending lavishly. Her children are similar in their values. When my grandmother died, she left her children, including my aunt and father, a significant inheritance. My father also gave his entire portion, over $100k, to my aunt, in addition to what she inherited.

My aunt gave it all to her daughter (my cousin), who blew it all on fancy clothing and Michelin star restaurants. My aunt and her husband also never saved up to secure their own futures, and now my aunt is living with her daughter in near poverty and my dad is helping bankroll them.

I’ve worked my whole life to be self sufficient. I’m frugal and often deprive myself of luxuries to secure my future. I think it’s unfair for my dad to ask me to financially take care of my aunt when she has children that should be doing that.

My father has been decent and generous with me, and he thinks that I should be willing to make the promise to take care of his beloved sister because of that. I’ve also been incredibly good to him, doing far more to emotionally support him than I think most daughters do for their fathers.

After I said I won’t make the promise to financially secure my aunt’s future, my father said that he will write me out of the will and give my share to his sister. I told him that it’s his choice to do whatever he wants with his money. AITA?

Edit: I think my initial post was misleading about my aunt’s choices. I don’t think she’s a big spender. Her current situation is a combination of being from a poorer country, not planning for her future, and giving everything she had to her kids, who do spend lavishly.

This is what people had to say to OP:

ExpensiveDollarStore said:

Its his money. If he would rather his sister have it over his own child, that's up to him. But I would not be helping him with anything from then on either if I meant nothing to him.

DragonSeaFruit said:

He can write you out of his will. He can also spend his last few years in a nursing home, which frankly will drain most of the inheritance anyway.

Mysterious-Fix9135 said:

NTA. I have never jumped on the cut people off bandwagon, but in this case, he would be dead to me. If he wants to cut you out of his will so his materialistic sister can continue to blow his money on materialistic sh!t she can't afford, he can stop expecting you to care for him and provide him with emotional support. What an a$$.

ETA: Ofc he can do whatever he wants with his money. That's not the point of AITAH. Punishing his daughter for being caring, hard-working, and responsible while perpetuating his irresponsible sister's wasteful spending to the tune of at least hundreds of thousands is an AH move. Weaponizing his money to attempt to control his child into doing they don't want to do is too.

And Aggressive-Pass7181 said:

NTA. Blackmail isn't love. He'll give the money to her daughter and in no time she'll blow it and they'll be right back in poverty. Your aunt and her kids made choices. Your father should be ashamed.