Dad lies about baby's 'name' to critical family, trans sister felt 'connection' to fake name. AITA?
"AITA for not telling my sister that my baby's 'name' was always just a joke?"
My wife has recently given birth to my first child, but it is her fourth. With her first pregnancy her family were very critical of the baby names she liked so she just started giving her children ridiculous fake names, defending them furiously, and then (to everyone's relief) changing her mind last minute and naming them something normal. I thought this was hilarious and thus we named our baby girl, Grenadine.
The joke fell kind of flat though. My parents were too polite to say anything and my wife's family had already caught on and took no notice. We kept using the name as an inside joke regardless because it had grown on us.
Not long after we revealed the baby's sex and "name," my brother revealed that they were MTF and would be transitioning soon. This wasn't massively surprising to anyone so she didn't really get much of a reaction beyond a polite "good for you" from all of us to be honest.
Skip forward to now, my wife is out of hospital and we've brought "Susan" (fake name for privacy but think something similar) home and my family came to visit that week. My parents were visibly relieved and gushed over the new baby and her "new" name.
My sister on the other hand pulled me aside and asked why we changed it. I explained the whole joke and that it was never a sincere choice and she got very agitated.
Apparently she had adopted the name for herself. I asked her why she would even do that and she told us she just felt a connection to the name when she heard us say it.
I told her I didn't understand the issue, she hadn't legally changed it and she hadn't even introduced herself as such to us yet either. She said that she had started using the name with her friends and in her daily life outside the family, and now it felt as if we were laughing about it behind her back the entire time.
I went to rejoin the rest of my family because I'm just baffled at this point and thought my sister can pout for a while but she'll get over it. She hasn't yet, and is refusing to speak to me or acknowledge the baby when I bring her over (my sister still lives with our parents). AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
over-it2989 said:
NTA. You can’t laugh behind someone’s back when you’re not privy to the information they’re mad about. Your sister needs a little outside help. What would she have done if you HAD kept the name? She needs to find who she is.
Many_Specific_2607 said:
I think your sister needs to talk to a therapist about boundaries, identity, and her self-esteem.
MadamTruffle said:
She “took” what she thought was the baby’s name (Grenadine) as her own and is now mad that she and the baby don’t have the same name? That’s a new one and it’s weird af. I don’t know how she can justify being upset about it?
What's her reasoning? If she liked the name, fine, it’s weird, and she can still have it but why is she so upset about no longer sharing the name w her baby niece?
l3ex_G said:
Sorry your sister “stole” the name you had for your child and then was upset you weren’t using it? Nta. She needs help because she’s created drama over nothing.
Nem-x13 said:
I had a coworker that did something similar. When they told everyone they were pregnant they mentioned the name they wanted (real name) a month later their sister had a baby and used their name.
So they came up with another name and told everyone (real name). Three months later their brother gets a puppy and uses the name. So after that they told everyone the new name they chose was Ragina (fake name) just hoping someone used it.
Expression-Little said:
So she had been using the name before the kid was born, then got mad that they didn't have the same name because...why? Surely that's a good thing? Sis has something weird going on if she just HAS to be named the same as the baby. I wouldn't be surprised if she started trying out "Susan" as a name. NTA.
nonbinary_parent said:
As a trans person with lots of trans friends, I can say your sister is not being respectful. It’s very weird to name yourself after a living family member, but I’d maybe give her a pass if she named herself after a family member much older than herself, like her grandmother, with the grandmother’s consent.
Naming herself after her unborn niece is super weird and pretty inappropriate. She needs to talk to a friend or therapist about boundaries.