Man kicks out wife for piercing 14yo daughter's nose behind his back. AITA?

"AITA for my response to my wife giving my daughter a nose piercing."

I’m going to start off with the fact that my wife is my kid's stepmother, her mom is also horrified by what happened. We both created a rule that my daughter CANNOT get nose piercings until 16 or older. This is what WE agreed to.

My wife knows this, she’s brought it up to me before but I told her absolutely not because one, I’m not comfortable with that, two I’m not going behind her mother's back or wishes, and three my daughter is 14 she’s barely in high school yet.

Well, apparently my wife thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and pierce her nose FOR her. She bought a piercing g*n and nose rings from Amazon, again going behind my back. She pierced her nose, and I got a call from my daughter literally in hysterics while I was at work.

The doctor said that my wife pierced through a vein, and ended up causing nerve damage, he said that it’s likely that she could lose feeling in that part of the face.

I was pissed. I still am pissed about this. I just don’t know where the f*ck this came from, l specifically said no.facial.piercings. I’m not a “strict” dad either, my kid gets to have what ear piercings they want, they dress how they want, etc, but some things just need to wait, and this needed to wait.

At first, when we came back from the hospital I wasn’t speaking to my wife because I was just so irritated that I would say something I didn’t mean, so I kept my space. When I did, I told her that either she or I has to leave because of the way she just completely breached my authority as a parent, and got my daughter hurt because she wanted to be immature.

I said that she isn’t a parent to my daughter. I’m the parent and she proved that she just can’t handle the responsibility of being a parent.

I was so shocked my daughter did this because she knows I said no, but according to her, my wife didn’t object and she told my daughter I said yes and even bought the piercer for her as a surprise.

Anyways my wife started crying saying that she didn’t mean to hurt her, she was just feeling like she wanted to connect to my daughter, and apparently, her way of doing that was trying to be the “cool stepmom.”

She said that while she was wrong, threatening her isn’t ideal because I’m just using this as an excuse to “get rid of her” she said that her intentions were never to hurt her and she felt left out and wanted a way to connect.

I told her that connecting with my daughter definitely wasn’t going to happen with a piercing, it should have been more like a fun day at the beach. I once again told her she goes or I go because I need space from her. She ended up leaving and going to her parents, who are pissed as me for my reaction as well.I think I’m having a pretty ideal reaction.

This woman's attempt to be the 'cool' stepmom failed miserably. I'm sure she didn't intend to cause any damage to her stepdaughter's face, but she really screwed up going behind her husband's back with this wreckless DIY piercing.

Reddit users all agreed that they do not think this dad went too far in kicking out his wife over this incident. He may not have the best taste in wives, but according to the comments, he's 'Not The A**hole.'

From CrystalQueen3000

NTA. What in the actual f*ck?! It would’ve been bad enough if she’d taken her to get a piercing at a professional place because you’d already said no but this absolute fruitcake brought a piercing gun off of Amazon, has absolutely zero training, certification or knowledge of BBVs and did it at home as a ‘bonding’ experience.

In the process, she’s possibly caused permanent damage to your child. That’s outrageous in ways I can’t even express. I know this sub gets a bad rap for suggesting divorce a lot but duuuude, if any case calls for it it’s this one.

From Schopenhauer_Down

NTA. Your wife is not a trained professional. Yet she thought she could pierce your daughter's nose with gear sourced from the internet. She's now done medical harm to your daughter. Your wife isn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

From Graves_Digger

NTA. Your wife completely disregarded you and your daughter's mom and lied to your daughter to get her to disobey you. That alone is completely unacceptable. But the fact that she, clearly not a piercer, bought a piercing gun and did it herself, resulting in maiming your daughter adds a whole other layer onto this.

Your daughter could have PERMANENT FACIAL NERVE DAMAGE. She was completely irresponsible to put it mildly. I would find it incredibly hard to trust this woman after what she pulled.

From Sufficient-Ad3400

She wanted to be a “cool stepmom” so much that she not only mutilated your child but also LIED to your daughter that you okayed it, which made this piercing an assault on your daughter. This will permanently affect your daughter's ability to trust her stepmom in addition to your own trust in her being violated.

AND this didn’t just overstep both your and your ex’s parenting boundaries, but it also could have severely damaged your co-parenting relationship forever going forward. This showed such a severe lack of both judgment and morals that there is no coming back from this. ETA—NTA

From Total_Mud3204

NTA. The fact that she specifically went against you and your daughter's mom's wishes is a huge red flag.

From carsonmccrullers

NTA, this is horrifying and also a good reminder to never get ANYTHING pierced with a piercing gun! Especially your nose!! As someone with a nose piercing, I just full-body shivered.

From Glad_Board_9537

You’re more understanding than me, I would have been calling divorce attorneys on the way to the hospital. NTA and seriously rethink this marriage.

From Sadbabytrashpanda

NTA. As a stepmom, I am appalled at your wife's selfish behavior. There are other ways to connect with your stepchild than doing a risky procedure (as an untrained unlicensed individual) that has been explicitly forbidden by the bio parent. Also a piercing gun? A quick Google search can tell you how much of a bad idea that is.

From​​​​​​​ TinyRascalSaurus

NTA. First of all, she bought a piercing kit to perform a procedure she had no experience with on a minor. Of course, your daughter is going to go along with it. She's 14, and her brain development isn't complete. She was manipulated by her stepmother.

And the woman did permanent damage to a child when she should have known much, much better. This woman does not have the proper judgment abilities to raise a child.