'Dad opened three credit cards in my name. I'm trying to buy a house and freaking out.' UPDATED 2X

"Dad st*le my identity and opened 3 credit cards in my name. He told me since I'm young, I can 'do without for a few years.' I'm trying to buy a house and I'm freaking out."

I found my my dad used my information to open three credit cards over the last year. When I went to get a pre approval for a mortgage, I was told by the lender they wouldn't be able to give me a home loan because of the defaulted credit cards.

They also said I probably wouldn't be able to get a loan from any lender because of it and gave me a sheet of paper explaining what I'd need to do in order to fix it. When I tried disputing the cards, 1 of which is already in collections, they disputes got closed out as the debts were verified. I told my (divorced) parents about it and their answers were pretty wildly different.

My dad said that "these things happen" and that I should be more careful in the future with my social security number. Seeing as I've always been careful, that made me pretty mad. My mom said she thinks my dad might have something to do with it since him opening credit cards in her name had a part to play in their divorce.

She told me he ran up about $50,000 in credit card debt on secret credit cards. A few days ago, I ended up casually telling my dad I'm going to have to file a police report for the credit cards. He told me I probably shouldn't do that because $15,000 isn't "that much" in the grand scheme of things.

When I told him it was keeping me from buying a house, he said I could just wait a few years until they fell off of my credit report. He said it would only take another four and a half years. When I told him I obviously couldn't wait that long so I have to file the police report he straight up told me not to do it and to just be more careful in the future.

Once I told him I already got the paperwork together from the credit agencies, he told me he had opened the cards to pay for living expenses over the last year. He said his work slowed down a little bit but he'd do what he could to help pay it off. He said it would ruin his life if he went to j-l.

I'm leaning towards going to the police anyway but I didn't right that minute. I have everything in front of me today to go make the report. I guess I just want to make sure turning it over to the police is the right thing to do here. Especially if I'm wanting to buy a house this year.

The comments were piping hot:

Maddogicus9 wrote:

Report him for fr-d.

OP responded:

That's what I'm leaning towards, I'm realizing if I want to buy a house, I can't have those accounts on my credit.

GraceStrangerThanYou wrote:

If he wasn't your dad you'd have reported him already, right? Well, think about this, why didn't he give you the same respect and not ruin your credit because he's your father?

Infamous_Ad_1076 wrote:

Report him. This same thing happened to me after my parents disowned me and I was in undergrad. I learned a lot about personal finance and got it sorted out and paid off the cc bills. Then I find my dad trying to do it AGAIN! Told my family to stay away from me and gathered evidence that I would take them to court for the debit and identify th-ft.

The fact that your Dad is so nonchalant is giving me PTSD. Sign up for credit checking and/or credit monitoring service to prevent any further activity and definitely file the report.

CuriousisGeorge wrote:

My father didn’t report my grandfather when he did the exact same thing. Even if the debt gets paid, it has a much longer impact than 5 years. Also, If you don’t report- he will do it again. It hurts, but report him for fraud now. He doesn’t love you enough to not f-k you over, he’s just looking to see if he can get away with it.

The next day, OP shared an update.

I spent about half of the day reading everyone's comments and it pretty much solidified what I was going to do. The process itself was pretty easy. I went to the police department and the person at the front desk had me wait about 10 minutes before an officer came out.

We talked for about 15 minutes and he made copies of all of the paperwork I gave him. He told me the case would be assigned to a detective on Tuesday and gave me a pamphlet they have about how to contact the credit agencies. I was given a report number and was told I could use that now to start disputing the accounts.

A detective is going to follow up with me in the next couple of weeks. I asked what would end up happening to my dad and the officer said it looked pretty clear cut to him, but the charging decision is 100% with the state attorney's office. He said if they decide to pursue charges, he'll likely get a warrant put out for his arrest.

He also said typically if this is his first f-lony, he's probably going to get some sort of pre-trial diversion with court supervision or probation. He probably won't go to j*il for years, but if he gets picked up on a warrant, he's going to spend at least a little bit of time behind bars.

I've decided I'm ok with that because it's obvious to me he did this purposefully. He's never been arrested before so hopefully this is a wakeup call for him. At the same time, he completely did this to himself. I'll update whenever I learn more.

The internet was happy to hear an update.

matthewleehess_ wrote:

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Sincerely hope everything works out well for you.

OP responded:

I think it will. From what I understand it might take a month or two for the cards to come off of my credit but once they do, my credit score should shoot up.

jewel_flip wrote:

Well done OP! I was so mad on your behalf reading the first post. It would take everything in me not to use his words against him. Jail time? “It’s just a few years.” You’ve ruined my life? “No. You did by trying to ruin mine.” I hope the marks come off your credit report like it’s made of Teflon. Good luck on your home ownership journey!

RuleBreaker15 wrote:

You did the right thing. He’s going to try to get you to drop it and he’ll definitely be angry. Stay strong and be proud of yourself. You should probably go no contact for at least a while and definitely freeze your credit so de doesn’t retaliate further. He’ll always have your SSN info and his entitlement issues. Good for you but this is just the first step. Best of luck.

Arvinda1 wrote:

I am amazed that a father would do that to his child. Defrauding you and the banks...he used $15k for living expenses? He didn’t know there are federal and state programs that will help people having a rough time. I am guessing since your mother mentioned he did the same thing to her credit this isn’t his first rodeo.

It sucks you have to now clean up a mess you didn’t create to get back to ground ZERO before you can start the loan process for a home. Your father really needs to apologize and ask for your forgiveness for being an idiot.

A little over two weeks later, OP shared another update.

There's been some good, a little bad, and a little real bad progress the past few days.The good: I used my report number and disputed every account. When I checked my credit last (which everyone should be doing regularly), the one with the lowest balance was already off of my account. The other cards and the collection account are still showing, but I have hope they'll be falling off in the next few weeks.

I also received a call from someone at the prosecutors office who had a couple of extra questions for me and asked if I would be willing to testify if they charged him. I said yes and they said they would be making a decision on their charges before the end of the month.

The bad: Obviously, someone talked to my dad about this because the last time he talked, he scolded me for going to the authorities and hasn't talked to me since. One of my brothers was also pretty mad at me about it and hasn't talked to me in over a week. The rest of my siblings and my mom understood where I was coming from.

The real bad: One of my other brothers (not the one who was pissed) found 2 opened credit cards on his credit which weren't his. He checked his credit score for the first time in a couple of years and he said it was down about 150 points from where it used to be. He's now in the process of dealing with that.

He doesn't have any positive proof (yet) that it was our dad, but the fingers are pointing in that direction. This still blows my mind that a dad could do this to his own children. I'm moving forward though, I still hope to be able to purchase a house before the end of the year.

The internet was invested.

DoctorOctoroc wrote:

I'm not a psycho-analyst but something tells me he has an add-tion of one kind or another. I've seen this behavior in others, mainly friend's family members or significant others, and there is always a root cause related to add-ction, whether its gambling, dr-gs, alcohol or all of the above.

If you, your siblings, or your mom have a relationship with your dad in the future, this will absolutely need to be addressed before moving forward.

I'm glad you sorted this situation out for yourself, and I'm certain it wasn't easy to do so. You also paved the way for your family members to manage the effects of this on them, as well as for your dad to correct his ways, whether or not he has deeper issues or this was just a really shitty thing he did.

gary1979 wrote:

Yikes! How can parents do this? It boggles my mind how a parent can ruin their child’s financial well being and not even give it a second thought.

Lylac_Krazy wrote:

What a way to wreck the family by your dad.

I'm most curious if he is mad because of getting busted or because of the family damage. Pretty sure I can guess, I just hope I'm wrong.

Aggressive-Bed3269 wrote:

YOU ALL NEED TO FREEZE YOUR F-ING CREDIT!

ALL THREE BUREAUS! IMMEDIATELY!

Herry_Up wrote:

My sister took out loans in her daughter's name when she wasn't even 5 yet and f-ked her s-t up so bad. We were warned to stay away from her and not to give her any information, financial or otherwise.

No surprise when we reconnected and she asked me for money. I told her this was the first and the last time that I'll be helping her financially because I barely have it to spare. Idk why I was so taken aback when she asked for 500 the next time I spoke with her. We don't talk anymore.