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'AITA for warning my dad to get a prenup and that his fiancee has questionable motives?' UPDATED

'AITA for warning my dad to get a prenup and that his fiancee has questionable motives?' UPDATED

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"AITA For telling my dad to get an ironclad prenup and that his fiance has questionable motives?"

So my mom died less than 4 months ago which was a fairly unexpected event. 2 weeks after her passing my dad (63) tells my sister (27) and myself (M30) that at some point he will start dating again. I totally understood although a little taken aback by the timing. The only thing I tell him is that he should wait a while before jumping into anything serious.

He agrees and says that he wouldnt really consider dating someone for at least a year. Fast forward 3 days and he informs me that he has reconnected with his high school sweetheart and have reconnected as "friends". Still no issues on my end so far.

2 weeks after that my sister (who lives with my dad: she helped take care of my mom) informs me that my dad and C (his high school girlfriend) are on the phone all the time with each other, texting all day and emailing.

Also C has made it clear that she wants to marry my dad and that he is going to spend the weekend with C and build some bookshelves with one of her sons, who is my age. Needless to say hes basically been spending everyday he can with C and her family. My sister has been extremely against this whole ordeal and vocal about it, I have been against it and tried to tactfully express my concerns.

Fast forward to this past Sunday, the day which we spread her ashes. My dad, my sister and myself meet up for breakfast. He decided that it was an appropriate time to tell us he is getting married to C in March.

To which I respond by saying "Then you better get an ironclad prenup because nobody in their right mind or with good intentions would start dating someone whos been a widower less than month let alone marry him within a year of his wife's death.

I also wont be at the wedding, I dont want to meet her, or her offspring and that this entire relationship between you and C is not only disrespectful to my mom but also make me questioned how much he even loved mom in the first place. Considering after your dog died you said you wouldnt be ready for another dog for years ,yet mom dies and you are ready to marry in less than a year."

He was hurt and the rest of the morning was quite and awkward. Afterwards I got texts from my grandma and aunt saying that what I said was cruel and uncalled for and really upset my dad. So please, I need to know, AITA?!?!?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

If you were calm and factual, NTA. You raised several very valid points. And maybe it was stuff he needed to hear - I can't imagine the pain of losing a spouse, and he may not be thinking clearly. Stand your ground.

said:

Nta. He is being disrespectful and I would even question if the relationship started BEFORE your mom's passing. Blabla, he's an adult, but so are you. And his choices will have long-term consequences to your relationship with him. And the fact that he ran to tattle to his mom and sister to get sympathy, tells me there's more going on and your dad is immature and needs to grow up.

said:

NTA— I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t have the impression this is “take his money and run” behaviour but it certainly is very uncaring to you and insensitive to his long-term mental health.

He’s a new widower, he’s not in a good place to make decisions, he’s in love— but I agree it’s huge alarm bells that she’s not at all concerned about you two to even advise him not to make the announcement the same day as the ashes are spread or plan the wedding for more than a year afterwards. If not malice, there’s callousness and a total lack of empathy or concern for you two.

I’m imagining the future as not so much that a year from now she’s taken all his money but that you’re not allowed to say mom’s name or Becky will cry and that type of thing— that they’ll continue to show no care for you two and your loss and Queen Becky will get whatever she wants.

said:

NTA I'm sorry for your loss He is clearly looking for some to take care of him and C fits the bill, I wouldn't be surprised if this was happening before your mom passed. Your grandmother and aunt are out of line to say that you have upset your dad as it was cruel, well you and your sister are hurting from a huge loss and he hits you with a new wife? It's crazy to think that you guys would just be cool with that

said:

NTA Your points were valid and obvious. Your grandma and aunt too should’ve been telling your father the same thing. They are the biggest assholes for coming at you. They have no right to interfere in what happens between you and your father. Again your father is probably not thinking in the right state of mind. Or maybe he is and never really cared about your mother.

I get that remarrying shouldn’t be a taboo. But there’s an appropriate time for everything. How could he simply reconnect with his potential new wife 2 weeks after his wife dies and declare plans of marrying her a month later.

That’s downright cruel and disrespectful to your deceased mother and even you and your sister. Even though they are planning on marrying in March, it is the time they took to start dating that’s the issue.

Sorry for your mothers death.

said:

NTA. That is suspiciously fast to ‘reconnect’ with someone. Any signs they could have been having an affair, because that’s some speedy relationship.

said:

NTA. That is suspiciously fast to ‘reconnect’ with someone. Any signs they could have been having an affair, because that’s some speedy relationship.

And OP responded:

I honestly dont know if there were any signs of an affair. Towards the end of my moms life I was not aware of any signs, I cant say I was really looking either.

Commenters agreed, NTA, and many agreed that his dad's new relationship seems "suspicious."

OP later shared this update on the situation:

I want to thank everyone for their taking time to respond to this post. It genuinely means alot to me. I've unfortunately been at work all day and have been reading and responding to comments as I can. However after a long work day and all of this taking place Sunday, I am exhausted emotionally and physically.

So I am going to step away from this for the night so I can think about everything that has been said here.

However there are a few things that have become clear to me.

1.) While some of the things I said had merit, I also hit below the belt.

2.) I have not met C and know very little about her, while it isn't wrong to have these suspicions, it's not right to act on them or base how I treat someone on them.

3.) I have never been in my dad's position

4.) We are different people, who lost a different person in our lives.

5.) Therefore our mourning process will be different.

6.) Im in alot of pain, pain that I don't know how to deal with because I've never dealt with it before

7.) He is too

8.) I dont want to loose my dad

9.) I need to seek professional help for this is out of my wheelhouse.

Good luck, OP <3

Sources: Reddit
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