Dad refuses to give son trust fund early if he won't sign prenup; AITA? Concluded.

There's nothing that can kill a vibe more than the subject of finances, especially when inheritance, trust funds, or family obligations are involved...

Is there anyone more entitled than an adult who was born into wealth with a free home and trust fund to fall back on? So, when a conflicted dad decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his son's prenuptial agreement, people everywhere were dying to weigh in on the drama.

AITA for not giving my son part of his trust fund early because he refuses to sign a prenup with his fiancee?

Some background: I have 4 kids. My eldest John (27M), was with my first wife who died when he was 5. I eventually remarried and got two step-daughters, Lisa (25F) and Ann (18F). Then my second wife and I had Mike (13M). My wife and I made sure to give them comfortable lives.

When John and Lisa graduated from university, we gifted them condo units. We will do the same when Ann and Mike graduate. Also, all of them have trust funds that will be released when they turn 30.

I’m quite proud of my kids. John and Lisa graduated from top universities. John has a high-paying job as an engineer while Lisa pursued a master’s degree in business while she worked in marketing. Eventually, she started her own marketing consulting firm while being a part-owner of a spa.

John recently got engaged to his girlfriend of 2 years and they want to get married by the end of this year. She seems nice. However, she doesn’t earn as much as him. My son spends a lot of money on her, on dates and expensive gifts.

I understand that it’s his money and he can spend it however he wants. She also moved in with him in the condo that I gave him, and as far as I know, she doesn’t pay her share of utilities and association fees.

And now John is asking to get part of his trust fund so he could use it for the wedding since his fiancee doesn’t have much money to contribute for their wedding.

Now here’s where I might be the a$hole. I told him I’d release part of his trust fund early if he draws up a prenup with her. He got angry and told me I was being unfair because I released half of Lisa’s trust fund last year to help put up her business.

He told me that I was playing favorites. I told him that Lisa did something worthwhile with her trust fund, and while a wedding is worthwhile, I told him it doesn’t seem safe to use his fund for a wedding to a girl “who doesn’t bring much to the table.'

I told him that I just wanted him to have some security by drawing up a prenup. He got angrier and said I was implying that his fiancee is a gold-digger.My wife and the rest of the family refuse to take sides. AITA?

Later, the post was edited to include:

The next day after I posted, I had a long conversation with my son. First, I apologized to him for making that comment about his fiancee. I realized it was demeaning and uncalled for.

Second, I asked about their living arrangement. He did admit to paying for everything including bills and food. She does the cooking sometimes. He even pays for someone to clean because neither of them wouldn’t.

I asked if she ever offered to pay, he said no. I understand it’s none of my business but the fact that she never offered is raising some flags in my head.

I gave him some things to think about, and maybe discuss with her, like what would happen if he loses his job or for some reason (illness/accident), he has to stop working. I told him that I have nothing against their arrangement and him spoiling her, but he has to be wiser about his spending habits.

Third, I explained the importance of a prenup and said that I had one with his mom and his stepmom. He still refuses to because according to him “it might offend her”. Again raising some flags. So I will stick to my decision and release his trust fund when he’s 30, as we initially agreed on. He wasn’t happy with this.

Lastly, I asked what kind of wedding they plan to have that they felt the need to use his trust fund. Apparently, she dreams of having a big wedding on the beach. She also wants to have a photo and video production to announce their engagement (which I find ridiculous).

They want it this year but can’t afford it, as she is only paying for her wedding dress, and my son admitted that he doesn’t have a lot of savings (probably from going on expensive dates and trips). I told him that it’s not practical, but if they really want it, they should wait and save up for it.

At that point, I was feeling better about my decision to not release his trust fund early. The way I see it, my son could go broke in a few years paying for everything and spoiling his fiance/wife. Their trust fund is the last thing all my kids will get from me.

That being said, I may be an a$hole but not a total as@hole to not support his wedding. My wife and I agreed to give them a certain amount that should cover a nice venue, and still have some leftover amount left for other expenses.

It will be our wedding gift to them. And if he’s still not happy, then there’s nothing more I can do.

If they go NC or low contact, I’d still feel at peace with my decision. I provided for him and I tried to protect him. If she leaves him and he ends up losing everything, I’d hate for that to happen but that’s on him. But I do hope their marriage works out.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this family financial feud:

SmurtiesGG said:

NTA I understand what you mean, but poorly formulated. But in that situation it is so hard for a father to even get a sentence that isn't insanely douchie. Simply put no one is in the right, no one is in the wrong. No a#holes to be found (except that fiance).

storeboughtwaffle said:

NTA. People are saying YTA because you implied the wife is “less,” however, I think this is justified.

I do not think you were implying anything about her character or their relationship, but instead I am speculating you were talking about financial contribution and how she doesn’t really participate.

I would be ashamed to let my partner pay for everything on my behalf while contributing nothing financially, so I can see where the “rules” and worry stems from.

Beautypaste said:

NTA - You are protecting your sons best interests.

Aquarius052 said:

YTA. You are implying she is a gold digger BC she doesn't make as much money as him. You seem to have a distaste for poor people. You obviously don't know much about the law either, BC if they do end up getting divorced, she most likely can't get any money from a trust fund that was in poace before she even met him.

She's only entitled to a portion of earnings when they become husband & wife. How sad...She is most likely the mother of your future grandchildren, and you just seriously jeopardized your future relationship with them.

Your son is a grown a$s adult. He's less than 3 years away from getting the money anyway. Give it to him and show some faith.

SnooComics8268 said:

NTA. A trust fund is a privilege not something your son is entitled to.

Raida7s said:

YTA. A smarter parent would have said they'd release the funds once the son and finance have had an introductory and follow up session with an account and lawyer (that you pay for) to make sure as a married couple they are on the same page when it comes to finances, understand what their retirement plans look like, portfolios, assets, etc.

And discuss in that meeting what the variety of pre nups can conver, how they need to be kept up to date, etc. NOT because the woman has less money, but because if you are releasing this portion of funds early for, let's be honest, a party, then you want to know they as a couple are being honest and serious and well informed on their rights and finances.

This could mean they do have a pre nup, only for the condo. It could mean that half his savings is put into her retirement fund immediately and they both agree neither can claim retirement funds in the event of divorce.

It could mean they have no agreement put in place because they understand what it looks like in the event of divorce. It could mean she tells him to halve the spending on her immediately, and they start treating all their income as shared responsibility with an even partnership. But instead you, not the smart parent described above, insulted his fiancee.

DelightfulSnacks said:

YTA for how you approached it, but a prenup should definitely happen. Explain to him that it can protect both your son and his fiancé. The point of a prenup is to plan and agree to how you'll divvy up assets in the event of a divorce before a divorce. Like: of his trust fund, how much does she get?

It can be tiered - 1 year, she gets $10k, 5 years she gets $50k. Whatever. Based on the apparent large wealth gap between them, she'll walk away with something from a divorce. It's a lot cheaper and easier to plan how much that amount is via a prenup than in divorce court.

The pro for her is that in the event of a divorce, she knows what she'll walk away with. A prenup forces people to have some hard conversations while they love each other, rather than wait until they hate each other.

Assumeweknow said:

NTA it might make your son angry. But the fact of the matter is that it's your money and you get to do what you want with it. You set it aside for a specific purposes with your kids and you want that purpose to be fulfilled. You should perhaps make it clear of the purposes and reasons behind releasing trusts early.

From there any requests simply need to refer to the list of reasons for releasing it early and write out a full scope of how it's going to meet that reason.

Now, if you want to pay something towards the wedding a bit as part of standard things that's pretty normal.

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were fairly divided here, most people agreed that this dad is going about this situation in the wrong way. Offending his future daughter-in-law in the process of attempting to teach his adult son a lesson about trust and money was a bad choice. Still, he has every right to withhold his own money from his son. Good luck, everyone!