Dad REFUSES to let son serve detention; 'He HAS a MEDICAL ISSUE.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my son that he's not serving lunch detention in front of the teacher who gave it to him?"

On Monday, my son called me from the nurse's office and asked me if I could bring him a clean shirt. I asked why and he said his shirt was covered in blood. He's been getting random nosebleeds ever since he had to pull his dead stepdad from the waves after he suffered a heart attack.

That combined with starting middle school,hitting puberty and not getting along with his mom has caused him a great deal of stress.

I went to his school and asked if he'd rather just go home and he said no because they were going to play dodgeball at PE. I said ok.

On Tuesday I got an email from his teacher, Mrs. S, saying that Frankie was assigned detention for not getting a hall pass to go to the bathroom. I asked her to call me because I didn't understand.

We spoke and she said Frankie didn't show up to class on Monday. I said yes, because he had a massive nosebleed on his way to your class and went to the bathroom to get tissue. It wouldn't stop bleeding so he went to the nurse.

She said he should had gone to class first and then gotten a pass. I said your class is on the other side of where he was when he started bleeding.

Are you saying he should had walked while bleeding to your class to get a pass and then walked to the bathroom and then back to your class, still bleeding, for another pass to go to the nurse and then walked to the other side of campus? That's a lot of activity and blood.

She said students can't decide that they're not going to class and she said she needs to know where they are. I said you did when the nurse called you. And I don't disagree that you need to know where your students are. However this wasn't like my kid ditched class commit bank robbery.

I said I'll talk to him and make it clear about this but please nix this detention nonsense. A warning, mmmmmm okay. Detention? Overkill for this situation.

She said no. I said well he's not doing it so....

Yesterday me and Frankie met with the VP regarding his nosebleeds. The VP was more concerned that we were getting help and to let Frankie know that he cared.

I mentioned the detention thing to the VP and he said would handle it and thought it was insane to punish a kid for getting medical help. He agreed that my kid wasn't trying to avoid class and better communication was needed.

As I was leaving, we ran into Mrs S and I told her that we had a meeting with the VP and, just like I told you, my son isn't serving detention over a nosebleed. She didn't say anything but went to the VPs office and I understand that she was there for a minute because they another teacher sub her class.

This morning the VP called me and said that he'd wish that I hadn't said anything. I said well I wish Mrs S was more reasonable and didn't start this whole thing.

And for the record, I'm not some soft dad who let's his kids do whatever they want. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

naryang writes:

His dig was warranted. If the teacher can’t use her common sense to differentiate when a kid needs detention vs to break the rule for necessity then she needs better training.

I would have demanded she be called to the meeting and notified IN FRONT of me that the detention was not only nixed but that it won’t happen again. Teachers have a tough job, but some of them are assholes. Mrs. S is one of them. NTA.

nester0 writes:

I don't have a problem with anything the OP did, including what they said to the teacher. The teacher abused her power and bullied a child who was particularly vulnerable.

I think that if I were you, OP, I might go back to the VP and see if another teacher is teaching the same subject during that period and see if your child wants to switch classes. It's unfortunate that this teacher has power over any children at all, but if your child wants out, perhaps you can at least avoid her having power over him.

You might also ask if there's a way to get a written complaint into the teacher's file. It's possible that this teacher has a long history of mistreating students and punishing them inappropriately. A paper trail will help the administration deal with her appropriately.

You sound like a great parent who protects their child. Good for you! NTA.

indeprio writes:

ESH. The teacher was in the wrong.

You were fine until your last little clap back. The VP said he would handle it, let him handle it. You only “checked” her as you call it, because you wanted to see her face yourself the moment she found out she lost. You needed to be right, and you needed to watch her learn that.

Be better. Teach your son, who saw you make that snide little clap back, BETTER. The first time he “checks” you? Or “checks” someone else the way you did, and you or they don’t like it? Remember that you taught him how to do it in this incident.

wpg0 writes:

NTA. Frankly, I'm 100% on your side. Medical Attention for medical issues comes first. I don't even agree with forcing children to ASK to use the restroom or them being DENIED using the restroom...

I've told my kid flat out it isn't a question, it's a statement. You tell them you are going to the bathroom and then go. None of that hall pass garbage because zero jobs in the future can deny you the bathroom... I mean reasonably. Nothing in school is important enough to piss your pants over.

The nurse can let the teacher know, end of conversation. If he was skipping/abusing going to the bathroom to fool around, great, punishment deserved... but when a kid has a medical issue, the teacher can get stuffed and gtfo.

cream12 writes:

NTA. Your son's teacher is an unreasonably rigid person. This isn't uncommon, but children are just small humans. They have rights bodily functions and health issues. A teacher's classroom rules don't trump a person's autonomy when it comes to matters of physiology.

I am an old but I still remember authoritarian teachers running roughshod over the rights of students. In middle school there was a kid in my class who prided himself on perfect attendance.

This obviously meant that he came to school even when he was sick, all so that he could be called up on stage and receive recognition at the end of the year. We were taking a test and this kid raised his hand.

The teacher poo pooed him and initially refused to recognize his plea for attention. (During her tests, you weren't allowed to go to the bathroom, speak, or ask the teacher a question.) Eventually, she spoke to him but mostly explained her testing policy. He said that he was sick and needed to go to the restroom.

She refused to allow him that courtesy until he finished his exam. A few short minutes later, homeboy vomited all over the student sitting next to him. The sick kid quickly exited the classroom while the other child jumped up in disgust, peeled off his jean jacket, and voiced his revulsion.

She stopped the kid who was covered in sick from leaving the classroom to clean up and then chastised him for disrupting the exam. In disbelief, he too left and went to the lavatory to wash up. When the second kid returned she wrote him up and he was given in-school suspension for disrupting class and leaving without permission. The whole thing was ridiculous.

IMO, these issues come about because some teachers lack the proper disposition for the job. Also, many teachers lack proper perspective because they've spent their entire lives in school, first as students and then transitioning directly to being educators.

These peeps tend to have myopic views on classroom rules and tend to subscribe to schoolhouse hierarchies even amongst the students. They often label kids as "good" and "bad" and they often favor the cool kids.

They are so focused on the school environment and what happens between those walls that they ignore the outside world failing to even consider a students home life and perspective as a human being.