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'AITA for having my daughter's hair cut against my wife's wishes? She hates her hair.'

'AITA for having my daughter's hair cut against my wife's wishes? She hates her hair.'


"AITA for taking my daughter to the hairdresser's to have her hair cut against my wife's wishes?"

I (45m) have a daughter 'Lily' (14f). Me and my wife 'Marie' (43f) have been separated for over 5 years now and have split custody over Lily, however she prefers to stay with me.

I'm not sure if it is cultural, but my wife and her family have always insisted on Lily to let her hair to grow as they believe the longer your hair are, the more feminine you are and they always took pride in how long their own hair are.

Lily followed as she didn't want to cause a scene. Lily's hair were going past her thighs.

Lily was staying with me last weekend and when I was about to go to bed I saw her crying while brushing her hair. I have asked what is wrong and it felt as if Lily was having a breakdown.

She started to cry harder and told me how much she hates her hair, that it takes her hours each day to brush through them due to how thick they are and how hot and tired it makes her feel, I'm not even mentioning styling them.

She also told me how she wants to dye it, but Marie would not let her do this as it would ruin her hair and is a 'bad taste.' I hugged her and told her not to worry and I will think of something.

I called my sister and explained the situation to her, she organized an appointment for next day with her hair stylist to look at Lily's hair and do something with it.

So the next day I took Lily to the hair salon, where she had her hair cut (she chose a long bob) so her hair is now just about reaching her shoulders with the rest of the hair donated. She also had some highlights done which made Lily super happy.

When Lily got home Marie called me immediately and said I am an a-@ole and what have I done to our daughter. She and her whole family started berating me for it and making horrible comments about Lily, so she ended up coming back to me and is staying with me.

Marie took it to social media saying I am a horrible father that 'have stripped my daughter out of her womanhood and femininity.' Even my parents called me about it and said I shouldn't have taken Lily to the hairdresser without discussing it first with Marie.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess:

FalconJaeger said:

NTA. 'Have stripped my daughter out of her womanhood and femininity.' They are more concerned about what others think then what's going on with your daughter!

Critical_Pea_9132 said

NTA. I was SIXTEEN before my parents let me cut my hair to my waist. It wasn't even a religious thing or anything, my mom was just a tyrant.

Kids made fun of me relentlessly. I got gum stuck in my hair (to which my mom would just pull out the peanut butter) My hair would even get into the toilet sometimes. That was disgusting.

I don't find a problem with parents setting some limits on hair like no dyeing (after all, some of those chemicals are carcinogens) or no mohawks. Yet, when a parent has a child totally under their thumb and won't let them express any individuality at all, that's a huge red flag to me.

JessaRaquel said:

NTA perhaps it's cultural and I def want to be sensitive to that but as someone who has very thick hair that tangles easily I know Lily's pain. Besides, I think 14 is old enough to start making choices about how she wants her hair to look.

Ahsoka17 said:

NTA - I can understand the cultural subtext from your ex, but what she is forcing on your daughter is borderline coercive and abusive. You did good, and I hope your relationship with your daughter will continue strong.

Listen_2learn said:

NTA - at 14 lily should decide what she wants to do with her hair. Donating it was a kind, generous and mature thing to do. Good for her and you for listening to your daughter.

Everyone unanimously agreed that this dad did the right thing here. Sorry, lost this one.

Sources: Reddit
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