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'AITA for insisting my dad tell my stepsister the truth or our relationship will change?'

'AITA for insisting my dad tell my stepsister the truth or our relationship will change?'


"AITA for insisting my dad tell my stepsister the truth or our relationship will change?"

My dad remarried when I was 12 after the death of my mom. My dad's wife was a widow also and had a 7 year old daughter at the time. I didn't blend the way they wanted me to. I don't hate my dad's wife or stepdaughter. I never felt a family bond with them though.

But my stepsister can be really sweet. She's also special needs and behaves very young as a result. She struggles to comprehend things the way someone her age (20) would. And her view of the world is very young. It makes her far easier to upset.

There were times when I still lived with them that I had to be SO careful about the things I talked about because she would get so upset. Movies had to be very happy and cheerful and could not any sarcasm in them because they could really upset her. Which is why I'm so angry right now.

So, I'm expecting a baby and my stepsister was so excited the last time she saw me and she told me she was so excited for me to have a boy named after he dad. I asked her what she meant and she told me my dad and her mom told her that I was going to name a boy after her dad like I'd name a girl after my mom – her deceased dad, not my dad.

She told me she hopes I have a boy, and she was so excited, and so easily believed that I was going to do that. I mentioned this to my dad and he sheepishly admitted they had told her that and that they were going to ask me to considering naming a son after my stepsister's dad because it would mean so much to her.

I told him I wasn't going to do that and he should have known that. He told me they figured but they also really wanted his stepdaughter to be happy.

I spoke to him with his wife present and told him to correct the lie they told or he can deal with the consequences of not doing so. She told me I would be heartless to deny her daughter this. My dad asked why I wouldn't do it and I told him because I'm not the one who told the lie. I told him the choice was up to him and he can live with the consequences.

They said I was putting them in a bad position and playing games which wasn't fair. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP, and OP's responses:


What are the consequences of dad and his wife not telling the SD about their lie? In the absence of major steps by you, the consequences will fall primarily on you and your child because dad and wife will lie themselves out of it. We've already seen that they have no hesitation to lie about you.

If I were faced with this extraordinarily complicated lie, I'd tell the people who lied that their presence in my life (and my child's) was at a tipping point right now: They either repair this situation by reorienting SD into reality—you are not naming your child after SD's father and never planned to, they lied—or they won't be in your life any more. And then act on that.

There's no end to the new lies and new entanglements they could create trying to redesign the world to suit their ideas of what would make the SD happy. This naming lie isn't the end unless you take a firm stance that it is unacceptable and it is their mistake to repair. NTA, but don't under-react to this, OP.

Due_Obligation_3035 OP responded:

Consequences will be a great distance between us and very limited to possibly no contact. And even if some contact remains the relationship will be very different going forward.

If you don't have a terrible relationship with your step-sibling (and it seems you two get along well in general- she's excited for your pregnancy and the baby, I think?) Maybe consider sitting down with her and having a sincere talk. It sounds like you're a mindful step sister, and respect that certain things are emotionally difficult for your stepsister.

OP responded:

It's not a terrible relationship just not a close one on my part. I never felt a bond with her or her mom. I don't dislike her. I think she's sweet but I don't see us ever being close or me ever being interested in building on what we already have.

If we don't have a relationship I would be fine with that and it's a likely outcome since I don't think my dad will do the right thing and contact will be very minimal (if there's any) after this.

Stepsister is old enough to answer the question, “why would I name my child after your dead father?”

OP responded:

She doesn't have the awareness to answer a question like that. She doesn't function the same as other 20 year olds.

ETA: NTA, obv. As unfortunate as it is, you are going to have to be the one to tell her the truth if you want to continue having a relationship with her. There's no way those two are going to admit their fault when they tell her -- you will be made out to be the bad guy forever, and by forever I mean for the rest of your child's life.

You understand that your dad and stepmom probably have mental issues too if they thought this was a reasonable request. NTA and honestly just tell your stepsister that they lied to her from the start. Then the three of them can deal with that however they want and you can live your own life

Due_Obligation_3035 OP responded:

I'm very close to walking away honestly. I don't have a close relationship with my stepsister so I don't feel obligated to stay close to her or have much of a desire to. I left the decision to my dad because a lot of it comes down to whether he attempts to make up for this or not and if he doesn't then I am fully done.

Sources: Reddit
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