Dad tells his son that it was his fault his sister was more excited to see his cousin, 'he stormed off.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my son that the fact that his sister was happier to see her cousin was his fault?"

Background: I (42M) have a son “Jack” (22M) and a daughter “Cassie” (7F) from two different marriages. I had Jack with my first wife, Penelope, who passed away when Jack was 9. This hit both of us hard. I thought Penelope and I were going to be together forever. It took me a long time to be ready to date again, which I started doing when Jack was 14. He wasn’t happy about it.

I met my first girlfriend, my current wife, “Sara” through work. We dated for a few months before birth control failed and Sara became pregnant. Because of that, our relationship progressed very fast. She moved in with Jack and I by the time she was four months pregnant.

Jack was understandably very upset, but bother Sara and I wanted our child to grow up in a two parent household. Unfortunately, due to lack of space, we also had to move out of the apartment I shared with my late wife. Jack was put in therapy to help him adjust.

However, Jack and I did luck out a bit with Sara. Sara made it a point to have prominent memorabilia of Penelope because of her awful step-mother all but erased Sara’s mother.

After Cassie (my daughter) was born, Jack wanted nothing to do with her, which was understandable, but upsetting. However, Cassie’s maternal cousin “Will” (18M) adored her from day one, and happily stepped into that brother role. Frequent hangouts, played with her dolls, etc. He even has a matching (i think) hello-kitty necklace with her, and uses it as his good luck charm for his sport.

This was the first year both Jack and Will left for college. Jack messed around during highschool and had crappy grades and no scholarships. While I would be able to pay, I refused to pay 50k/year+ for him to screw around.

So, he went to community college for two years and this year transferred to a good school. Will was an A student as well as an excellent athlete, and got an almost full ride to a far away school.

Thankfully, both boys were able to come home for Thanksgiving. Jack came home first. She greeted him without much fanfare, but was still happy he was home. This was very different from how she greeted Will. She waited at my SIL’s house for him, made a huge glittery sign, and started bawling her eyes out when she saw him.

My sister-in-law posted the video of them reuniting on Facebook, and Jack saw the video and was very upset at the difference in Cassie’s “welcome home” enthusiasm. After listening to this for the fifth time, I snapped at him and told him these were the consequences of his actions...

i.e. doing nothing to make a bond with his sister for the past seven years. He got pissed and stormed off to his room. Since then my former in-laws have been ringing my phone off the hook yelling at me and demanding I reprimand my daughter for her lack of enthusiasm at his return.

Cassie doesn’t know why, but she can tell her brother is upset at her and it is affecting her. Will is pissed that Jack is making Cassie upset. I don’t know what to do.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

empreur said:

You’re correct about why Cassie prefers Will, but YTA for how you are communicating with your son Jack. He’s your kid too, and it doesn’t sound like you treat him very well. The way you frame the scenario sure makes it seem that you don’t hold your own son in very high esteem. You are very quick to list all of Will‘s great characteristics, and really critical of your son’s perceived shortcomings.

Available_Medicine79 said:

You sound like you would rather have Will for a son. You talk about Jack like he’s a disappointment to you and talk up Will. Maybe your son picks up on that.

Ok_Might_6409 said:

ESH. All I know is that you don’t give a sh$% about your son and it’s all about Will. Do better as a father.

Living_Bot_Person said:

YTA for making me read that love letter to Will. Just adopt him since you are clearly more into having him as a kid than your own son. In a matter of months, it went from just you and Jack to suddenly moving away, having a new mom, and a little sister on the way.

But kudos to you, you threw him in therapy. You did the bare minimum of having someone else deal with your child's feelings of his life being flipped completely inside out. It's such a WONDER that his grades weren't amazing. I'm honestly at a loss as to how he wasn't the perfect grade A student like your darling Will.

IllTemperedOldWoman said:

ESH. Instead of snapping, you could have calmly said "he spends a lot of quality time with her, haven't you noticed? That's the reason."

Majestic_Bit_4784 said:

YTA I feel so sorry for Jack, you pushed your partner on to him, got her pregnant and moved her in. You didn’t care how he felt even though he told you and you only cared that you were getting laid. You then take him away from a home he has memories of his late mother in, just so you can have a new instant family with adds on. Selfish.

No_Middle_3193 said:

ESH except Cassie. You sound like you don’t like your son very much. Yes he should have done more to facilitate a relationship with his sister but did you encourage it at all? Where was he when Will was visiting and did anyone encourage him to join Will and Cassie? Is it possible your son felt frozen out?