Dad wants to spend time with 7-year-old son without his wife 'hovering around.' AITA?
"AITA For Wanting To Spend Time With My Son Without My Wife?"
So I have a 7 year old son who I don’t get to see nearly as often as I’d like. I work from 8am to 8pm on weekdays and by the time I get home my son is getting ready to go to bed. My wife is stay at home so she does most of the childcare.
On weekends I spend time with Nick but my wife always hovers around him. I never get to spend any alone time with Nick and anytime I try to do something with him she always has to be involved (Mario kart, catch, playing with his wrestling toys.) I never get to have just father son moments with him and it irks me as it makes me feel like I’m just an accessory as a parent to her.
She gets to be with Nick and have alone time when I’m at work weekdays and on the weekends I never get any alone bonding time. I’ve told her this multiple times and she says there’s nothing wrong with always being around. I’ve said obviously we should be spending time together as a family unit but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get an hour or two on the weekends where it’s just him and I.
So on Saturday I decided to take Nick to a local arcade and grab some ice cream. I know on Wednesday my wife is going with him to an amateur wrestling show and stopping at his favorite restaurant after. When I told my wife I was going to take him alone she got really upset and said it’s ridiculous that she can’t come as well.
I told her how she’s gonna have a fun day with Nick on Wednesday and I’d really like to make my own memories with him. She got upset and told me to just leave and slammed the bedroom door behind me.
So I took Nick and we had a blast together. It’s probably the first time in close to a year I got to do something like that with just the two of us.
On the way home she texted that she doesn’t feel like making dinner, I said no problem and grabbed us some Chinese takeout (her favorite) and when we got home she refused to eat and wouldn’t talk to me. She then stormed out of the house at about 7:30 and said she’ll be back late and not to wait up.
I then got a text from her sister at around midnight saying I really need to talk to my wife and that she went over there and got blackout drunk and wouldn’t stop sobbing about how I don’t love her and don’t want to spend time with her. The next morning she came home and I asked her to talk and she refused.
She said she’s fine and just had a bit of an episode. I didn’t push and gave her space for most of the day. When we went to bed for the night she said I was a complete a@ole and I should never try to take a child away from their mother. I said I’m not taking Nick away from her and she’s being insane for reacting like this for spending a few hours with my son at the arcade.
Today I woke up and decided to take the day off work because I wanted to be spend some time with her and when I told her she was upset and said she’s running errands so there’s no point. I said well I’ll go with her and she said she doesn’t want me with her and left the house in the rush.
I feel like she’s overreacting to an absolutely extreme level to the point it seems like she’s having a manic episode. She’s NEVER acted like this in the 11 years we’ve been together and almost feel like I’m being gaslit into believing what I did was awful.
EDIT:
My wife has never acted like this before and besides the hovering we have had very little arguments. She takes care of the house, cooking, cleaning, and my son very well. These last few days have been VERY uncharacteristic of her.
I’ve seen a good amount of people comment how she may need help with alcoholism. She is not a regular drinker and that is why her sister felt the need to comment about her showing up and getting drunk.
The issue with her has not been that she doesn’t get enough time with me. She stated a couple times that it was wrong for me to take my son to have fun without her.
She hasn’t once mentioned not feeling that I spend enough time with her (though I definitely don’t). When this blows over I’m going to suggest her working a part time job while Nick is at school so I can start coming home at 5 instead of working overtime everyday.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
East_Switch_834 said:
I think you could benefit from couple’s counseling and that your wife could benefit from individual. You’re not wrong for wanting to spend time alone with your son. Her getting blackout drunk over it is why I think she could benefit from individual. NTA.
Sun_Bee_ said:
Your wife has issues. NTA. She needs therapy.
BeenhereONCEb4 said:
NTA. I think it is important to spend one on one time with kids as well as family time. Your wife is being selfish. It has nothing to do with her that you want to spend time alone with your kid. She's making it about herself.
LocalBrilliant5564 said:
Nta one on one time with a parent is super important and her overreaction is odd.
Agreeable-Asparagus said:
NTA. I LOVE the times my husband takes our daughter somewhere by himself. I love my family, but I also love my chance at alone time. Your wife's reaction is really over the top. It makes me wonder if there's something deeper at play. She needs to work on her communication skills if this is gonna work though, shutting down then lashing out is unhealthy and helps nobody.
Ghost-Exodus said:
NTA Idk why she is obsessive but she's your wife and the mother of your child so let her calm down and talk some sense into her because it doesn't make sense as to why she would deny you to spend time with your own son.