'AITA for telling my dad's ex she can't stay with us even if she was evicted and lost her car keys at our house?'
"AITA for telling my dad's ex she can't stay with us even if she was evicted and lost her car keys at our house?"
JK_Wrlds
I have been living with and caring for my father who has dementia from Parkinson's and strokes for the past few years. A few months ago one of his ex-girlfriends comes over and he starts telling me we need to give her stuff like one of his cars because she's fallen on hard times.
My dad is pretty easily manipulated in his current state, so this rang a lot of alarms. Yesterday she rang a giant alarm bell when she showed up with her car full of stuff out of nowhere and pretended she couldn't leave.
I say pretend because when it came time for her to leave she said it was too dark for her to drive home even if she found her keys. I told her she can't stay with us as we really don't have the space, she should try looking for her keys some more or figuring out how she's getting to a hotel she already said she rented.
She said okay and went to her car and sat in complete darkness without turning on a cab light for 45 minutes, then came back in and said she can't find them and tried looking everywhere and she can't leave even if she found them anyways.
I asked how, if it's too dark to drive, would she find her keys in her dark car without turning on a light, and she said "welllllllllllllllllllll I uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh was trying to uuuummmmmm compose myself" even slurring her words, literally like if you asked an actor to tell the most unconvincing drunken lie possible, then said she was frazzled because I was trying to rush her and I need to respect my elders more.
So, I flat out asked her if she was drunk and she changed the subject. I asked her again what she was doing in her car in the dark that whole time since she can't see and she walked back to her car without saying anything.
I found out from my dad her car is full of her belongings because she was just evicted from her apartment due to refusing to pay her rent because she felt she was being overcharged at one of the cheapest places in town.
What I think is happening is she doesn't have anywhere to go and was hoping she could just force us into letting her stay. I drove her to the hotel she said she rented and asked her again what she was doing in her car in the dark.
She said she was in hell just sitting in a car with me and would never want to live with us, and she was feeling around in the dark for her keys. I told her that's really unbelievable and she needs to get her stuff today without any problems.
I am worried she will insist the keys are gone for good or just anything to try and invade our lives and keep this going as long as possible, my dad has already helped her out with money once and she seems desperate.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Lola383747329
NTA. Is your father elderly? You could try filing a complaint for elder abuse against her (the financial manipulation is abuse). If SHE is also elderly, they can get her services as well. Refusing to pay rent seems like a strange reaction…maybe she has something going on with her as well? Does she have family? I’d get them involved if she does.
JK_Wrlds
He is 67, I don't know her age but I would guess 60's. "Refusing to pay rent" comes from her, I think it's more likely she didn't have the money for it or spent it on other stuff.
Marie1420
If you haven’t already done so, you ought to get a financial and health power of attorney set up on your father’s behalf. Then you can make legal decisions on his behalf.
forgetregret1day
Do not let this woman come through your door, even to use the bathroom. She will install herself like wallpaper and try to graft as much money and valuables as possible from your poor dad and then claim residency in your home. She sounds like one of those people who simply don’t care who they screw over or who they use to get their way.
Cameras might be a good idea if she continues to creep on your family, or mention casually that he has a legal conservator in place that the police set up. Any sentence with legal and police in it tends to deter this kind of person. They choose helpless victims but don’t want legal involvement in their messy lives.
Doesn’t have to be true, just that she believes it is. I feel no remorse whatsoever in dealing with people like her in this way. Dog knows she’d lie and steal and use lies to get what she wants. I wish there was a scammer be gone spray you could aim at these people. There are way too many of them ruining victims and families’ lives. NTA.
Live_Ad8272
NTA. Sounds like she was trying to pull a fast one with a mix of "I’m helpless" and "I need a free couch." You didn’t fall for it, and that’s the win here. Respecting your dad's ex isn’t the same as enabling her, especially when she's pulling the "I lost my keys in my dark car" routine. Keep being the responsible one!
tinatroph
You’re not the asshole at all; your priority is protecting your dad and your home. Her behavior seems manipulative, and you set a clear, reasonable boundary.
Mayaa-Green
NTA, she seems to be trying to manipulate her way into staying, and you’re just protecting your dad and his home. Setting boundaries is the right call here.