'AITA for not having a problem with my dad's family not wanting a relationship with my 3 year old half sister?'
"AITA for not having a problem with my dad's family not wanting a relationship with my 3 year old half sister?"
My mom and dad's family hate each other now because, when my dad was terminally ill, my mom freaked out on him and had to be removed from his hospital room.
The stuff I know about that led to all that is my mom cheated on dad and dad found out about it and he refused to forgive her or give his blessing for her to be with someone and a few weeks after he found out he changed what he was doing with his will and assets and set up a trust fund for me and put his twin in charge of it instead of mom.
He added a bunch of his things to the trust too. When mom found out she flipped and that's when she yelled at him. She called my dad selfish, a worthless POS and told him to drop dead already so she could be free from the role of nurse-wife.
I heard her and so did my grandparents and dad's twin. The rest of his siblings were somewhere else. But once that incident happened them and mom fought relentlessly until dad died.
Then when he was gone she tried to keep me from them and stopped when I told her I hated her and wished she wasn't my mom. She got upset and asked why I'd say that and I told her I heard what she called dad and said to him and I knew she upset him before too.
She tried to make things better between us but I couldn't forgive her for how she acted and for hating dad when she was the one who betrayed him. Her relationship with dad's family doesn't exist anymore and they don't even talk about me now that I'm 17 and can make plans without her.
When I was 13 she got married again and when I was 14 she had my half sister. Mom's an only child and her parents died before she had me. Her husband doesn't have a relationship with his family.
They adopted grandparents from an old person home when my half sister was a baby but those people died and my mom decided my dad's family should step in because of me.
She said we're siblings and half doesn't matter and they should love my half sister because she's my family. And she said I should want them to. That I should make them be there for her so she doesn't grow up feeling unwanted.
It's been like this for more than a year now. My mom brings it up every time I talk to or see someone in dad's family. When I wouldn't ask them she showed up at a family day and asked them to include my half sister and to be her family so she grew up not feeling so different and distant to me.
Dad's family told her they wanted nothing to do with my half sister and she isn't their family and never will be. Mom expected me to leave with her but I stayed. Since that happened my mom has been on my case more and she's asking me if this is the kind of man I want to be.
We fought and I said stuff about her and how I still feel about her and how I feel about my half sister. And I told her I didn't care that my dad's family said no to having a relationship with my half sister.
That I don't care and it's her and her husband's problem to deal with and not mine. She told me I should care because it's my innocent half sister we're talking about, not her (mom). And the fight just escalated. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA and I worry your mom is either high on something or very delusional! Why in the world would the parents of her deceased husband to even acknowledge her affair baby?
Practical_Extreme915 (OP)
She says it's because my half sister is my family and my dad's family should think of the innocent kid. I think she even expects me to feel different if my dad's family actually starts to love my half sister. But for years now my mom has been different. Or she's let out how awful she is. So much stuff from her has made me see her way different than I used to.
Maybe she should have thought about your dad’s family before she screwed another man? Even if new hubby came on the scene after your dad was gone, his parents don’t owe her kid squat.
Practical_Extreme915 (OP)
I think she was with more than one guy when dad was sick. Her husband she met after. It got them into trouble because they worked together.
Caregiving for a terminally ill person can lead to some seriously bad choices. I’m not condoning what your mother said or did. I’m just saying it’s okay to cut her a small amount of grace. (Or don’t. No one can mandate your feelings).
With regards to your sister, she’ll be just fine without grandparents. Your mother is insane. Your father’s family has no ties to this child and wants no ties to your mom. That’s just weird.
NTA but your mom is a huge one from every single aspect. Your dad's family isn't related to your nutcase mother and have chosen not to engage her crazy circus as they rightly should. Keep up your boundaries cuz at this rate YOU'LL be the one raising your sister when your loser mom stops.
Practical_Extreme915 (OP)
If my mom stops raising my half sister her dad will have to step up because I won't. In a few more months I won't even see my half sister anymore and my mom knows and hates it so bad. But I won't be seeing her either so it won't be a problem then.
I couldn’t keep reading my blood started boiling NTAH your sister is not that family’s blood and honestly when your able to move out I say you seek you dads family seeings as you mom is trying to manipulate and gaslight you.
Practical_Extreme915 (OP)
I'm already moving in with them a few days before my birthday. We talked about it and we have a plan for how it'll work without any hysteria from my mom.
NTA. Your mom is a selfish and delusional person. Your paternal family don’t owe your mother’s new family anything , your half sister although innocent in all this mess is not their grandchild /niece or anything to them , they don’t owe your mom who treated your terminally ill father like garbage and continue to treat you like crap a relationship or anything really.
Your half sister have an involved mom and a dad, which is in a way even more that what you had as your dad died when you were young and your mother was anything but a mom to you it seems.
So you only had your paternal side to rely on when you had a whole other loving parent but to whom you couldn’t count on and it’s because of your mom actions and selfishness only.
Your mother feelings are not your problem as she never put yours first . The sooner she accept the harsh reality that no one owe her or her child with another man that isn’t your dad a relationship ,the better it will be for everyone.