Daughter calls parents liars for adopting her childhood bully; 'she'd make up lies about me farting.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my parents they became liars the second they started fostering their adopted daughter?"
CauliflowerFit5522
My parents started fostering when I (19f) was 6. My younger brother was 3 at the time. I never had a problem with it. It was normal and I got along with a lot of the foster siblings who came to live with us. This then changed with Amy.
I met Amy in second grade. She was new to my class and we just did not get along. I remember other kids saying she was mad at me and I had no idea why. We only knew each other for a few days at that point.
I remember thinking if she was mad at me for nothing then I was mad at her. We clashed a lot. Then in third grade she started bullying me. She'd throw my lunch on the floor and step on it, she'd make up lies about me farting to get other kids to make fun of me, she told the teacher she wouldn't sit/work with "freaky eye", I have a scar across my left eye.
She'd also say I was evil like Scar from The Lion King. The scar gave her plenty of ammunition and eventually I became very self-conscious of this. My parents knew about the bullying and they were called in to speak to teachers and the principal over the bullying.
Turns out Amy was a foster kid. Guess who decided to take her in? My parents. We were 10. My parents decided to adopt her. My parents were asked how I felt about it by a lot of people.
They lied and said I was good with it and I was excited to help Amy and get along with her better. It was a lie. I screamed the house down when I found out and begged my parents not to.
My brother didn't like Amy either. She had used him against me so many times at school and he knew about it. My parents blamed me for my brother and Amy not getting closer.
When I was 15 we had this really big fight. My parents told me Amy was as much my sibling as my brother was and they weren't happy that I didn't acknowledge her as such. I told them I never would. That they could adopt her 100 times and I still wouldn't call her my sister.
I told them they chose helping her over protecting me. I told them I wish she had stayed in foster care forever and that nobody had ever loved her, because she was a bully and I was tired of being her target.
I told them she had won though. She had them and I would never see them the same way again. A year later Amy and I got into a fight and I was allowed to go and live with my grandparents.
My parents tried to keep in touch with me but I made no effort. And eventually I started telling people my parents had lied about me wanting them to foster and adopt Amy. People treat my parents differently as a result and they confronted me about this a three weeks ago. They showed up at my grandparents and said we needed to talk.
They mentioned me calling them liars and I said they were and they became liars the second they started fostering Amy. My parents told me I had such a selfish outlook of the situation. I told them they chose Amy. So I didn't owe them or her a selfless outlook. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
LonelyOwl68
NTA. This seems to be the evening for people to wonder if they are the AHs because their parents failed to protect them from step-siblings or other types of blended families that didn't work out well.
Your parents did you a grave disservice when they chose to adopt Amy over your protests, and then lied about it to cover up the fact that you hadn't wanted her in your family because she bullied you. That just stinks. Your outlook on this isn't selfish, it's self-defense.
The only thing you owe is to yourself, to make yourself a life you will enjoy and thrive in. I'm glad you got out of the situation as soon as you could. You don't owe your parents anything, including your own lies to make them look better for having lied themselves.
grammarlysucksass
NTA. Your parents are narcissists who prioritise the “feel good” emotions and social currency they get from fostering over the feelings of their own children. I can’t believe how damaging it must have been to have your tormentor taken into your safe space.
What they did is unforgivable- they allowed you and your brother to be bullied in your own home and safe space. They also took a vulnerable foster kid into a home with a kid she (for whatever reason) had problems with which can’t have been healthy for her either. It’s shitty from every angle. You should check out the raised by narcissists sub.
Taleof2poes
NTA, you’re right they prioritized Amy and they lied about your feelings on the matter. They probably saw her as someone who just needed love when they came to your school but adoption is a very long process and they had years to figure out they were wrong.
throwaway-rayray
NTA - if they wanted a different public account of their actions, they should have acted differently when given the chance. They can make and live with their decisions, but they don’t get to lie about OP and have her not respond with the truth.
MischievousBish
NTA. You don't owe them your explanation. You didn't do anything wrong. Your parents did because they put Amy above you which is totally wrong and unfair. They knew she bullied you, yet they allowed her to move in and live with your guys.
Oh wow......I'd move out right away instead of suffering for a long time. But you did moved in with your grandparents which is good thing. They owe you and your brother their apologies for what they did to you guys. If they refuse to see the reason why you wanted nothing to do with them, best to go NC on them.