Every adult should write a will just in case anything happens *knock on wood*. Dealing with the state to get a loved one's assets after a tragedy only worsens the tragedy.
Who you include and what you give away in your will can cause strife within your family. One woman gets in it with her parents when they find out she excluded them from her will on a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit.
I (F38) have recently gotten a not-great medical diagnosis and prognosis. I am at peace with it. So I have sat down with my husband and figured out my will. He will be receiving most of the estate. He has to take care of himself and our kids. He and I both have decent, if not spectacular, careers, and he likes his work.
My oldest brother is a gigantic D-bag. He is an addict, and my parents have wasted their lives trying to help him. They spent so much of their time and money on him that they had very little for my sister or me. I don't hold this against them. I love my kids and understand the urge to help them with their problems.
The real issue is that my brother has abandoned my nieces with my parents. I tried to get custody of them, but I am not a member of their church, and my parents cut me off when I left home to get a college education instead of staying home and helping them as a good daughter should.
Their congregation helped them hire a lawyer to keep the girls away from me. But strangely enough, after the girls were out of my reach, they stopped getting financial support.
So on my will, I am leaving my niece's money. Not for them to spend however they want. It is only to go to pay for their post-secondary education. If it isn't used for that by the time they are 25, it will be donated to a charity that my parents hate. The charity advocates for women and reproductive rights.
I sent my parents a copy of my will so they knew what was coming. They are the kind of people who would take out a loan, counting on money from my death to bail them out.
They call me an a**hole for not giving them the money to care for my nieces. They are complaining because they are going into debt to take care of the girls. I offered again to take custody of them. If I can have them for two years, I know I can get them on a path away from that church.
My parents won't relent and say they will challenge my will if I leave it like this. Good luck. My lawyer is confident that I have protected the money.
I just heard from my brother. He called me an a**hole for depriving his kids of help and forcing my parents into a sh*tty position. I asked him when he last sent them money to help with his kids. He yelled obscenities and hung up.
My husband supports my decision. But many of my family members are calling me and asking me to help my parents with no strings attached.
NTA (Not the A**hole). I am sorry to hear about your health. You are doing the right thing by your nieces. May I ask two questions?
What church do your parents go to? Because that sounds extreme.
Does the will stipulate college? Can they use it for trade school or other educational options?
Thank you. It is a fundamentalist Christian church in the south. No, I don't think that university is for everyone. The money can be used to pay for any post-secondary education at an accredited institution. They can even use it for living expenses while they are in school. My husband has agreed to disburse the money to them.
NTA. It’s your money. Your parents cut you off from going to college. They should expect nothing from you. If your nieces are old enough to understand, I would also tell them about the money and stipulations because I could see your parents not telling them about it to keep them home near their cult church.
Not only are you NTA, but you are an absolute bada**. You sound like you've done your research, and you've got things covered, so feel free to disregard this advice: You might want to give them a minimum amount so they won't be able to contest the will.