"AITA? My daughter keeps stealing my clothes."
I, 56F live with my husband (58M) and my daughter, 17F. My daughter is very grunge and similar to how I was in high school, and I have showed her some of my old clothes and gave her permission to borrow them.
The issues began last month though. I started to notice she would take some of my shirts (that I keep in a box in my closet) but they would never be in the laundry or back in the box.
I’m suspecting that she may be altering them or selling them without my knowledge. She’s a very crafty person and often makes her friends little gifts out of scraps around the house, but I didn’t think it would ever come to destroying my things.
When I confronted her about it, she denied everything and said that I must be going crazy or not getting enough sleep. I was frustrated with her but just decided to let it go and assumed she hadn’t done laundry in a while.
That all changed last week. I was in her room looking for a tape measure she borrowed for me while she was at school. when in there, I saw what looked like my Nirvana Heart Shaped Box shirt from 1993 cut up and covering in rhinestones and spikes. I grabbed it off the floor and brought it upstairs and confirmed that yes, it was my Nirvana shirt.
When she got home on Friday, I asked her about it. She acted oblivious at first until I held up the ruined shirt in front of her. She admitted that yes, she did destroy it but didn’t think I would be that mad.
We got into a yelling argument for a bit and I told her she could never touch my clothes again. She got really angry at that and said I was being unfair to her, after she promised she wouldn’t do it again.
I understand that she is very crafty and is trying to express herself, but she needs to understand that she can do that without destroying sentimental things to me. Am I the AH for not letting her wear my clothes after this?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA - she needs to get some secondhand stuff to do her crafty things on. I'd be more angry about her lying to your face when asked and not caring that she destroyed something sentimental to you.
your child is lying to you and is stealing from you when there's perfectly acceptable and legal ways she can express her craft. NTA - give her $40 and send her into a second hand store.
NTA - she's not respecting your kind sharing and even lying. I would be hurt and mad too. She has to regain your trust before she can borrow things.
NTA. She's 17, not a toddler. She knew these were clothes you'd kept. You asked her about them before and she lied. She then kept destroying your clothes for her projects. That's not something she needs to just apologize for and resume access to your things. She has proven she's untrustworthy and has therefore lost access to borrowing your clothes.
NTA she’s far too old to be showing such disrespect for others things.
NTA. It's your decision what you do with YOUR clothes. You did give her permission so your daughter is not an AH for borrowing, BUT she is a HUGER AH for lying and then gaslighting you that it's your fault for being crazy. THAT IS WAY WORSE. That is a breach of trust. SHe's only 17, BUT she IS 17 and not 7. That is very questionable behavior. As they say, the cover up is worse than the crime.
NTA— if the expectations weren’t clear it would be one thing, but lying about it when asked and continuing the behavior shows your daughter lacks the honesty and accountability needed go borrow your things.
Enforcing consequences isn’t being unfair, it’s teaching her an important lesson that will (hopefully) carry into her career, her relationships, and keep her out of trouble with the law. NOT enforcing a consequence for lying (twice), being disrespectful to you, and disrespecting your property would just be bad parenting.
NTA. And nope, her promise to not do it again is meaningless since she lied to your face about what she was doing. She proved (big time) that she cannot be trusted and her word means nothing. Trust is EARNED, and she has a lot of work to do to win yours back. Don't back down and give in on this, it is a lesson she needs to learn.