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'AITA for getting angry and ruining my father's wedding day?'

'AITA for getting angry and ruining my father's wedding day?'

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"AITA for getting angry and 'ruining' my father's wedding day?"

SpendParticular6785

I (20F) am the oldest of four children. I have one younger brother (16) and two younger sisters (10 and 8). Our parents got divorced about five years ago, after finally admitting that they couldn't stand the sight of each other.

My dad met someone pretty soon after the divorce was finalized, a woman called "Jenny". My mom wasn't happy about it, as she felt that it was disrespectful for my dad to be dating so soon after their marriage had ended.

Custody was 50/50, so we would spend every second week over at my dad's new place with him and Jenny. She was pretty nice and none of us disliked her, which made my mom even angrier.

This year, my dad told us that he was planning a very special trip for us on Easter weekend. He came and picked us up on the Friday evening and we drove into the sticks for about two hours, before eventually reaching a big, fancy manor house. Jenny was waiting inside for us, as were she and my dad's extended families.

They then revealed to us that the special trip was actually their wedding weekend. They had deliberately kept it a secret from my mom because they were worried that she wouldn't let us attend or might even show up to sabotage the big day.

This was a shock to all of us, but they asked us to keep it a secret until the wedding was over. We didn't really have any choice but to agree. The wedding itself went fine.

They had packed special clothes for us to wear and the ceremony was really nice. At one point, during the evening party, I noticed that my 8 y/o sister was being very quiet and so I took her outside for some fresh air.

When we were outside, she burst into tears and told me that she felt terrible about betraying our mom by keeping our dad's secret. I gave her a hug and tried to comfort her as best I could.

I went back inside to the party and asked my brother to bring both of our sisters upstairs to start getting ready for bed, so he did. When I went out into hallway, I ran into my (now quite tipsy) dad.

Hurting for my little sister, I told him that it was very unfair for him to put us in this position and pit us against our mother, especially my two younger sisters who couldn't possibly understand all of this. He got mad and said that it's my mom's fault for being "crazy" and not allowing him to just be happy.

I said even so, it's still his job to be an adult and make good choices that don't harm his children. He ended up getting really angry at me and then started to cry, so Jenny came out and told me to go to bed while she took care of him.

The next day, he clearly wasn't speaking to me. All of us got into the van after lunch and drove two hours home in near silence. An hour after he dropped us back at my mom's, he sent me a text saying that he was sorry for getting upset but that I had ruined his wedding evening and now that's all he'll ever remember. I don't know how to feel about this situation. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

thirdtryisthecharm

NTA. Frankly both your dad AND your mom are the problem. They are both putting you in the middle.

"She was pretty nice and none of us disliked her, which made my mom even angrier."

This is your mom putting you in the middle of their divorce. You dad's approach of keeping the wedding a secret was clearly a reaction to your mom's behavior. That wasn't right or fair of him but I don't think the wedding reception was the best time to bring up that he was making the same mistakes as your mom. I think you should consider why your anger is directed solely at your dad here.

The OP responded here:

SpendParticular6785

Oh, I'm plenty angry at my mom too. She has pulled some insane stunts over the years, which is why my dad and his partner decided to do what they did. But you are right, I probably should have bitten my tongue at the wedding. Thank you for the verdict!

DenizenKay

He DID put you and your siblings in an awful position because he was only thinking of himself. He didn't put a moments thought into how his machinations would make life difficult for you all.

I have an immature mom, and living with her after she knew i attended my dads wedding and kept it secret would have been hell for me, so i can relate to how annoyed you must have been, and how stressed out it would have made your siblings. He deserved to hear the truth on the night of his wedding. You are NTA 100%.

EmpressJainaSolo

“Secret” is such a strange word for “Please don’t inform your mother until the wedding is over.” Were they worried you children would call your mother during the ceremony? If “secret” really only meant for you to wait until you see your mother again before talking about the wedding then I wouldn’t even call that a secret.

NTA because you were right to point out it was your father’s job to handle when and how to tell your mother while sheltering you kids from any fallout, but unless I’m missing something everyone’s choice of wording here is odd.

karkarbd

NTA. Good on you for standing up for your siblings!! It sucks that your mom is so immature, but that doesn’t excuse your dad dismissing your younger siblings feelings. He should’ve explained it better (or at all) on the car ride there.

So, do you think the OP is in the wrong here? If you could give them any advice, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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