'AITA for not wanting my daughter’s party turned into a pregnancy announcement?' UPDATED
"AITA for not wanting my daughter’s party turned into a pregnancy announcement?"
Some context. My BIL (30M) has lived with my husband and I on and off for close to 8 years. Even when my husband and I had kids, he lived with us. Last year, he got serious about finding a serious relationship. I was happy for him when he found someone in November. He moved into her house in December.
In April, they found out BIL’s girlfriend is pregnant. She’s due in January. She told her family right away and left it up to BIL to tell his. He chose to be a coward and say nothing.
Well, tomorrow my daughter is turning 2 and BIL has decided THAT is when he’ll tell everyone. Mostly because when they show up, his girlfriend is very obviously pregnant. I’m kind of livid.
FIL is known to fly off the handle for things. Our son ate a goldfish cracker off our floor and FIL had a fit about how disgusting that was, made a scene, and stormed out of a get together. He’s also told my husband that he needs to watch himself because apparently I’m not “the right kind of woman”.
Back to the party. I don’t want this announcement to happen because if FIL flies off the handle, my daughter’s party is ruined. Even if he doesn’t, it’s suddenly going to be a pregnancy/gender reveal and no one is going to remember why they’re actually there.
I know my daughter won’t remember it. But I will. My husband thinks it’s not a big deal and he’s excited. I’ve tried to communicate my anxiety about it but he says his dad will be fine.
I told him the only way this is happening is if his brother goes to their parents' house well before the party and tells them. Otherwise, I’ll be kicking people out. He scoffed but said okay. Now I’m just really conflicted. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. I’d bet that BiL is going to be too cowardly to say something, you could always beat them to the punch and spill the beans for him. Would it be a low class move? Yeah, but also they shouldn’t be co-opting your kid’s birthday to announce a pregnancy.
Yep, I know it is only 2 days away, but if FIL finds out now, he can fly off the handle now and has 2 days to calm down.
haddierunner (OP)
I’ve been trying so hard not to drop hints to the in laws. My husband and I have known since April. BIL just hasn’t told their parents. 😑
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
Well, if anyone smelled smoke today, it was probably the dumpster fire that was my daughter’s party.
Firstly, FIL actually seemed to take the news pretty well. Surprisingly, MIL was more angry that he waited so long to tell them. No scene was made.
However, every conversation from that point forward was ALL about the baby and pregnancy and how girlfriend told her parents, is there a name yet, etc. MIL made a comment about how my husband and I can now give BIL and girlfriend all the baby stuff we’re not using anymore.
As an added bonus, BIL also decided to use this opportunity to tell everyone him and his girlfriend are engaged! AND they’re planning a big move (to relocate closer to her family and I guess us) before she’s due. So on top of the baby questions, there was also conversations about wedding planning and house hunting.
As another addition, my sister and her daughter came. Except my niece has an active staph infection and has been on antibiotics for 24 hours, but this wasn’t mentioned to us until the party was almost over.
It was assumed to not be a big deal because all open wounds were covered and she’d had 24 hours of antibiotics. My husband was furious and pulled me to the side to say some not nice things about it. After that, I shut down. I isolated myself putting together my daughter’s new toys.
Everyone left pretty early and everyone was feeling tense. I’m feeling upset and defeated and now I have to monitor my three young kids for signs of a staph infection and try to sanitize my house. I think I’m done having parties for a while.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
So is your husband pissed at his family as well? Cause both your families suck.
haddierunner (OP)
No, he’s really pleased with how his family was.
Honestly yes, your sister did a trash thing by not mentioning the infection, but what is giving your husband the guts to give you an earful after what his family just pulled on you!!!
I would shut this down damn quick. I think you and your husband need couple's counseling at the very least. His family can walk all over you, no problem, but you are chastised for something you didn't even have the knowledge of (niece's infection). Couple's Counseling is really necessary here!!
Ask him why it's okay that his brother could ruin his daughter's birthday but your sister can't ruin his daughter's birthday.
I would have another small birthday party in about a week... sans BIL and his girlfriend. When people ask, tell them "Oh this is the kid's makeup birthday party. Apparently the last one was a pregnancy and engagement party. That we paid for." NTA.
NTA, Everyone else was thought. Your in laws are jerks for asking for your baby stuff. Your husband is not a jerk for being mad, you should be mad at your sister too. But why the hell is he scolding you for your sister actions. You should talk to him about his family too. No need to be nice about it. Also you definitely should host any party for such a crappy people.