'AITA for being honest and telling my daughter that her wedding is a running joke'
"AITA for being honest and telling my daughter that her wedding is a running joke of what not to do if you marry in our family/friend group."
Historical-Safe-8579
My daughter got married about a year ago. She spent about 20k on her wedding, it was a wonderful experience for her but for all the guest it really sucked. All the money went to thinks the couple would enjoy.
The reasons it sucked for the guest was due to multiple factors. The biggest ones being that guest has to buy food, drinks, and no entertainment. So people get to the wedding and the ceremony happens.
Then they go put into another room after a long day of driving out, don’t get any food/ drink. Most of them were forced to buy overpriced food since they were starving. They didn’t even get any cake since the cake was a fake. Overall not a good guest experience.
Afterwards it was negatively talked about and people were actually quite mad about it. My other daughter is getting married and asked for my help. Her sister offered to help and my other daughter made it clear she doesn’t want her wedding to be anything like hers.
My daughter asked what she meant by that and I was honest with her. That her wedding wasn’t a good experience for guests and it is a running joke at this point with family/friends.
I thought she already knew since a lot of people hated her wedding. This caused an arguement and she called me a jerk by the end. I pointed out all the issues had with her wedding and she thinks I am being cruel.
Edit: the money basically went to her dress, venue and photos. I know her dress was 6k. The venue was pricy and she didn’t get the food package. I was not part of the wedding planning I was having medical issues.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Annual_Suggestion_87
INFO: how the heck does someone spend 20k on a wedding and not feed anyone? Also you totally could have been a touch gentler but also OMG I can’t even imagine. A fake cake? Do you hate your guests?
The OP responded here:
Historical-Safe-8579
Well her wedding dress was 6k, I have no idea about how much the venue was but it didn’t come with food. They also got an expensive photos.
Simple-Status-15
Photos are around 3,000 these days? Venue prices? 6,000 for a dress... Still missing a few thousand to spend. I have to say, that wedding would be a running joke in my family.
The OP again responded:
Historical-Safe-8579
My guess the other stuff was the fake cake and flowers. I think she also brought the bridesmaid dress but I am unsure about that.
pcnauta
Some people are so self-focused that they either can't or won't see the situation through other people's eyes. You daughter (and her husband) sound like this because it should have been obvious to them that they were creating a very poor experience for their guests.
If this had just been your opinion, then I might have thought about you being Y T A, but it seems it is a fairly universal opinion. NTA. Your daughter is now being brought into reality about her wedding. She'll go kicking and screaming because to admit this reality is to admit that she is to blame for it and should have seen it coming.
But people like her need a good 'wake up call' and this is hers. Hopefully, this is the ONLY wake-up call she'll need. However, people like her tend to fight reality tooth and nail.
aoife_too
I really came in here ready to say Y T A based on the title. This was the first time in a long time I was truly wrong. Making guests pay for their food? No entertainment? THE CAKE WAS A LIE? Yeah, if I were a guest, I’d be mad, too! Actually, it would be a story I’d tell for…probably the rest of my life. That’s a Grade A bad wedding. NTA.
Negative-Swordfish-9
Kinda reminds me of a birthday party I was invited to a couple years ago. The only food available were these tiny packs of peanuts that you get in the airplane and you had to buy them for 5€. The birthday girl was a flight attendant and she stole them from the airline. People still joke about that so NTA.
jrm1102
NTA - ya know what, you were being honest. Its been a year, its fine. She asked and you answered. Maybe could have left out that it was a running joke… But how in the hell does someone spend $20k but they have no food?
Necessary_Row_8356
Spending 20K and not feeding your guests That sure is a bunch of crap. No you don't need to pull punches everyone's an adult They need to hear the real thing weather it hurts their feelings or not.
anglerfishtacos
This what happens when people get too invested in the “it’s your day” and “couple’s day, couple’s way.” Like it or not, your reception is a party to thank your guests for coming to the wedding and some kind of food and drink is mandatory.
If you can’t afford to provide a meal, have an afternoon wedding (2pm) where all you have to provide is some snacks (eg, veggie tray/cheese tray/finger sandwiches/etc.), punch/soda, and cake.
Have your wedding when people won’t be expecting substantial food. When you instead choose to spend all your money on your dress and flowers, you are treating your guests like props— not guests. NTA.