'AITA for deciding to never gift my husband anything ever again?'
"AITA for deciding to never gift my husband anything ever again?"
Apparently I’m the villain now. My husband says he’s “not difficult.” My entire family has stopped buying him gifts because he is difficult. You decide. Every single gift I’ve ever gotten him has somehow been wrong.
One year he was getting into fishing. I thought I was being SO thoughtful and got him one of those beginner fishing advent calendars with different hooks and little tackle items. He said thank you… and it has never been seen again. Not used. Not mentioned. Probably in witness protection.
Another year I ordered simple black socks that said “I’m Hooked” on the bottom. Cute, subtle, fishing pun. The company sent the wrong ones with little drawings on them. My man lost it like I wrapped him in a full Spider-Man costume. He went on about how I “don’t pay attention” and how unthoughtful I am. Over socks. SOCKS.
For context: he thinks anything superhero, cartoon, or remotely playful is “for children.” This is a very serious adult man who apparently cannot coexist with whimsy. So I said fine. What DO you want? He said, “Simple black shirts for everyday use.” Great. I bought good quality, basic black shirts. Not fancy, not cheap. Apparently wrong cut. Wrong fit. Wrong something. Strike three.
Next year I made him SEND ME LINKS. Exact items. Exact brands. I bought exactly what he requested. Guess what? Still wrong. Bad quality. Had to return. Somehow everything was defective. I don’t know how I have this superpower.
Then he got into carpentry. I avoided tools because I don’t know enough about them, but I got him a laser level — something useful for his hobby and the house. He was excited…until he tried using it without reading the manual. When it didn’t magically work the way he imagined, it became “cheap junk made in China” and had to be returned. No thank you. Just vibes of disappointment.
After years of this, I’m done. I told him: if it’s your birthday and you want dinner, I’ll pay. If you point at something at the mall, I’ll buy it. But I’m not doing surprise gifts anymore because there is literally no winning. Now I’m “mean” for that.
For fairness: he does give me cute gifts. But I’m extremely easy. I like chocolate. That’s it. You could give me fancy chocolate and I’d be thrilled. He once gave me a nail appointment even though I’ve very clearly said (multiple times) I don’t want to do nails anymore because of skin concerns and time.
I still said thank you and went. He also bought me a tablet when I already have one and barely use it. I still said thank you and use it occasionally because…that’s what you do when someone gives you a gift?
I just don’t understand why I’m expected to absorb criticism every holiday like it’s part of the celebration. So AITA for retiring from Gift Giving Duty and switching to “You Pick It, I Pay” mode? Be honest but gentle. I’m fragile from socks trauma.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Slybugsy said:
I’m really annoyed that you bought shirts that he picked out yet he still complained. Seriously? That’s his fault then. There is no way I would ever buy anything else. I just wonder what is going on with him. Why is he like that?
Aliceneedscoffee said:
NTA - my partner isn't great at gifts but the thought that goes behind them means more. You have put thought into yourself and henis just ungrateful and rude. I would even tell him to buy it himself just for the lack of manners he has shown.
Felixthecatisblack said:
Make it your mission to buy him the most tacky and inappropriate gifts. Our family does this for stocking fillers at Christmas and it is so much fun. CD of bagpipe music comes to mind.
Latter-Syllabub-8328 said:
NTA- He sounds spoilt. He got everything he asked for but somehow it was always a problem. Good on you OP for taking a stand because if anything he's the one being "mean" and especially ungrateful.
Entire-Tonight-1463 said:
You’re an excellent writer. This is hilarious. But the actual man sounds very aggravating, and I would do the same thing you did.
SuitIllustrious7324 said:
At first, I was thinking of all the married women who complain about their husband’s awful or lack of gifting and thought that the roles were reversed. But not quite. Those black shirts were ones HE picked out, didn’t like, and somehow that’s OP’s fault? I don’t think so.
Plus it seems he is also not that great at gifting himself! So he has a hell of a nerve. I’m willing to bet if OP had pitched a fit over the tablet the way her husband does, he’d have been hurt and called her “mean”. I get why you’re doing this OP.
RainbowEagleEye said:
NTA. He isn’t hard to shop for, he’s an ahole. If I want something I buy it myself. My wife and mom ask what I want and threaten my life if I buy it before they can get it for me. That is hard to shop for.
I am grateful for anything given to me because I appreciate the effort made even if I don’t want or need it. He’s being mean about being “disappointed” when you are obviously trying so hard for him. He’s an asshole.