Man says no to Disney trip after nine visits; wife calls him ungrateful. Readers say he sounds 'brainwashed' in update. AITA?
"AITA for just deciding not to travel because my wife made reservations for Disney again?"
My wife Jess and I have been married for the past 13 years. We’re both 39. After experiencing financial hardship throughout our twenties and early 30s, Jess and I are now fortunate enough to have the means to travel once or twice a year.
The only problem is that Jess literally only wants to go to Disney World. We have been to Disney nine times now, and every vacation we have ever taken together was to go there, including our honeymoon.
So we go, we eat the Mickey Mouse ice cream, we wear the mouse ears, we stay in the official hotels, we see the characters, we ride the rides, we take the pictures in front of Cinderalla’s castle, and we come home.
Every trip.
I’m honestly beyond sick of Disney, and I never really liked going in the first place. Jess knows this, but she has no concept of travel beyond Disney.
We’re currently planning a trip for April, and Jess, as usual, said that we can “just go to Disney.” I explained that it sounds fun, but hey, why don’t we go somewhere like Hawaii this time? Jess was confused.
She asked why we would go to Hawaii. I responded that we could enjoy the spas and go to the beach. Jess mumbled a halfhearted answer and walked away. A few days later, she approached me, saying that she made hotel reservations for Hawaii.
At first, I was excited because although she did so without consulting me, it seemed like she was really listening. But then when she showed me the hotel she booked, I found she had made reservations for Aulani, the Disney resort in Hawaii.
Frustrated, I told her that I’m honestly tired of Disney, and that I just want to have a different experience this time. She told me that she was “compromising” with me, and that I should be “appreciative” for the time she spent.
I asked her if she was willing to consider anything other than Disney for our trip, and she said no. At this point, I said that I wasn’t going. Now she’s furious. She canceled the reservation she made, and now she’s looking for a friend to go to Disney World with again without me. Was I the AH here for not trying to accommodate her request?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
How the eff did this go on for 9 trips without you saying something? I’d have gone mad after going a 2nd time.
Why don’t we go somewhere like Hawaii this time? Jess was confused. She asked why we would go to Hawaii. Should have been I am sick to effing death of Disney. probably the first time hes ever bot just gone along. I would go to Hawaii by myself. Well actually, I would never have married a woman like that.
Your wife needs to learn to consider her husband's feelings instead of only her own. NTA.
"I explained that it sounds fun, but hey, why don’t we go somewhere like Hawaii this time? Jess was confused."
However, you should also consider being more truthful with your wife. If you can't even be truthful to your wife, who can you be truthful with? It obviously did not sound fun at all to you so just be clear on that. In fact, the 2nd time she booked the disney trip you should have been honest with her and suggested something else.
It does sound like OP’s anti Disney stance has developed over the nine years. You should have an adult, non confrontational conversation. Explain to your wife that you would like the two of you to experience a vacation beyond Disney. Talk about where you would like to go.
As far as Hawaii and the Aulani goes, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face, as the saying goes. Aulani is absolutely not Disney World! And I agree that was a compromise. The Aulani is true paradise and you might both enjoy it.
At 39, it might be time to consider broadening her horizons and embracing more of what the world has to offer. Life is too short to be spent solely between home and Disney when there’s so much out there waiting to be explored.
You are living my worst nightmare, legally tethered to a Disney adult. Your vacations sound like my hell.
NTA. I personally would rather never go on another vacation again than go to Disney multiple times in my adult life. Sounds like torture lol. But in all seriousness, it’s totally unfair that she gets to pick the vacation every single year. Your reaction seems pretty reasonable. Disney adults are strange.
Why did you say "it sounds like fun"? Don't give her false hope. You should have said something a long time ago, but since you didn't, maybe you should plan the trip and not let her do it.
Aulani is a nice resort (been there when my kids were young) but Disney is definitely present all over the place. No characters or rides; lots of fun activities.
That said, there's still a Disney vibe and if you're looking for a "generic," Disney-free holiday, then Aulani is definitely closer than a park, but not it. Maybe this is the year she goes to Disney World and you go to Thailand. Now there's a good compromise that I'd appreciate. NTA.
NB: I've some adult friends (couples in their 30’s - mid 50’s, no kids) that are similar to your wife. They've bought into to the Disney Club thing and their holidays center around specific properties, period. Not for me. Put a few bucks in my pocket and send me somewhere I've not been. A huge, overpriced, brand focused all-inclusive resort with kids everywhere is not required.
Eight days later, the OP returned with an update.
About a week ago, I made a post about an argument my wife Jess and I had. The TL;DR version of it is Jess loves going to Disney World, and we have gone there for literally every trip during our marriage, which is now at an impressive nine times.
When I asked Jess if we could go somewhere like Hawaii, she suggested Aulani, the Disney resort, and I dismissed the idea immediately. This upset Jess. Here's the update:
I screwed up. I know most people were giving me the NTA judgment, but Jess actually showed a great deal of openness to my idea. She took initiative by reserving the hotel because she wanted me to be happy.
When I said "Nope. No Disney," she felt that I hadn't put any effort into taking her feelings into consideration. And she was completely right. I hadn't. It was, in a twisted way, my form of revenge for dragging me to Disney World all those times.
In the last post, some people commented about how Aulani barely even looks like a Disney resort at all. This is something I should have researched myself before I threw the gauntlet down with Jess.
When I looked into it, it looks like a run-of-the-mill Hawaiian resort. In my defense, going to Disney World nine times has kind of made me sensitive, and I'm fairly sure that on a Rorschach test I'd see nothing but mouse ears at this point, but I really should not have jumped to conclusions.
A day after I made the post, I approached Jess and apologized. I was wrong. Yes, she might be a "Disney adult," but aside from always wanting to go to their theme parks, she's never obnoxious about it.
I said I was sorry, and asked for permission to reserve the hotel again. And Jess responded that she'd love to go to Aulani with me. When I told her that it's not really all that Disney, Jess said "Of course I knew that. I wanted to go because my sister said it was beautiful."
I'm a moron. Jess and I have re-planned our vacation, and we're super excited to be going now. I came to this realization because a lot people pointed out some things I should have figured out myself. Thank you.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
This feels like some weird guerilla marketing ploy to be honest.
I honestly believe it. Disney has been going ham with ads aimed at childless adults going on Disney holidays.
Man did you get gaslit. 9 freaking vacations in a row to Disney, did she take your feelings into account any of those 9 times? Nope.
Next year: Disney land Paris.
Next next year: Tokyo Disney.
Name your kid Mickey, why don't you.
I’m convinced Disney Adults actually have some kind of mental illness. I get liking something, and I’m not opposed to Disney. But the fact that grown people refuse to branch out of their cartoon vacation is freakng insane to me.
What do you mean she’s never been obnoxious about it? She dragged you to Disney nine times in your marriage, ignoring your communicating that you wanted to go somewhere else. When you put your foot down, she scheduled TENTH Disney vacation, just at a different Disney location.
Is this even OP? Did she tie you up and gag you with Mickey Mouse ears, typing on your account? Because her behavior is not okay, and a tenth Disney trip when you said no more Disney is zero compromise on her part. Do you need to be extracted?