'WIBTA for declining my fiancé's grandmother's diamonds for my wedding band?'
"WIBTA for declining my fiancé's grandmother's diamonds for my wedding band?"
Downtown_Wrap_3564
Hello, my fiancé's grandmother has generously offered him two of her diamonds that have been passed on to her by her own grandmother for use in my wedding band.
The problem is, I have known what I wanted for a wedding band for a while now and my heart is pretty set. I want something very simple and dainty. These diamonds are not dainty (I realize how complain-y and 1st world problems this sounds) and I have small hands and think any ring with these diamonds on it would look terribly gaudy on my fingers paired with my engagement ring.
Not to mention, the thought of being responsible for such a valuable heirloom terrifies me as I'm prone to losing things (which is why I was planning on purchasing an inexpensive wedding band).
I don't want officially join their family as the bad guy, but also don't want to look down at my hand and dislike what I'm seeing for the rest of my life. I think I could learn to like the ring, but I don't think I'd ever love the way it looks.
I know my fiancé was disappointed when I wasn't enthused by the idea. He isn't being pushy, but has told me it would really mean a lot to him if I chose to use the diamonds and I don't want to hurt him either.
WIBTA if I declined to use the diamonds for my wedding band and told his grandmother "they are beautiful diamonds and I'm honored you have offered them to me, however I think they are quite a bit large for the design I've had my heart set on.
I'd be honored to use the diamonds for another piece of jewelry. That is, unless you'd like to offer them to Jane (her daughter) or Mike (her other unmarried grandson)?"
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
devilishrae
What about accepting them and turning them into a pendant or earrings that you wear at the wedding. I assume these are loose diamonds or will have to be reset anyway?
ahknewb
NTA - but stuff like this can lead to hurt feelings, even if you're not being an AH. Could you come up with a compromise? Take the ginormous diamonds and put them on a band.
Wear it for the wedding. Let everyone see it. Then, since you have said you are prone to losing things, take it off and put it in a safe deposit box at your local bank. Wear a plain ring day-to-day.
Beneficial_Local1012
YWNBTA but maybe specifically bring up the idea that you're scared of the possibility of losing them as well. I agree with mentioning that you'd not mind them on maybe a pendant on a necklace that you could wear on special occasions and in between keep in a jewelry box or safe.
PuzzleheadedRoyal559
You’re NTA for having an opinion, but you’re right, you’re going to look like an asshole if you turn it down. I would suggest you take them, get the damn ring made but tell her you’re only going to wear it for special occasions.
Say it is because you want to pass it down too, and then get the ring you want for everyday use. Making her offer seem so special you have to take extra care is the nicer way to handle it and cause the least amount of resentment.
jbrod1991
NTA, but why not have them set in a pendant for a necklace? Wear them on your wedding day as something old! You can still showcase AND still pass them on in the future as is offered to you.
RiverSong_777
NAH so far, you sound polite enough but they haven’t done anything AHish yet, either.
RoyallyOakie
NAH...They offered, you're declining. So far there is no conflict.
Global-Fact7752
NTAH and that's a PERFECT response...as I was reading this I was thinking oh that would be perfect for first baby or something...assuming your having kids. Great idea.
Jendy86
NTA- you would definitely not be an AH if you turned it down. It's a very thoughtful gesture, but you're not required to accept it. And I think the offer to put it in a different piece of jewelry is actually a LOVELY compromise! You could have them put into a set of earrings or a necklace and then you'd have a matched wedding set.