'AITA for declining my parents invite to a restaurant to celebrate my engagement?' 'It's in my HOMETOWN.'
"AITA for declining my parents invite to a restaurant to celebrate my engagement with my fiancé?"
Partner and I recently got engaged, and my parents have offered to take us out to dinner to celebrate at my mom’s favorite restaurant. The catch is that I really dislike this place.
I have made this known previously and it has even been a running joke with them about how I am terrified of the restaurant (which is fine! I can take a joke!) but it is just not making me feel very good that in order to celebrate us they offered to take us somewhere they know we don't like.
The restaurant is fine. It's not even bad. My problem with it is that it's in my hometown and it's a spot where, without fail, my parents will see their friends. Their friends will come up to the table and say hi and stay and talk a bit.
I don't dislike these people and gladly socialize with them in other contexts, but I just hate having to sit through these interactions while I'm at dinner. We often usually see people from my high school which also isn't my favorite. I am not a particularly socially anxious person but I just really dislike this for some reason.
When I was invited I tried to make a lighthearted joke about it being "my favorite" and my parents said they don't want to drive very far. I gently offered to chauffeur everyone somewhere else since it was a special occasion and offered a list of places I love/have been wanting to try for the occasion.
This morning I was told off by my dad saying that I was being rude and that when I am invited to dinner the polite thing is to just say yes, not to ask to go somewhere else.
This whole thing is bothering me a lot more than I thought and kind of hurting my feelings and making me feel unseen. It is putting me in a bad mood and making me want to stay home since if I bring it up again I will be the one making a big deal and being rude etc and I will never hear the end of it.
I feel the only way to keep this from being an issue is to go along with it and "celebrate" somewhere I don't even want to be just to please my parents. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
SlinkyMalinky20 said:
NTA for declining. This is such a “boomer move”… it relies on the good manners of others to get away with rudeness. Your parents want the bragging ability to say they took you out to congratulate you, but they aren’t interested in it being nice for you, really, or a genuinely thoughtful gesture.
They want to do the easy thing no matter whether it’s enjoyable for the people being celebrated and any attempt to nudge this towards something real is called “rude” so they can get away with it.
Top-Cantaloupe3356 said:
NTA - I think it was rude for them to invite you to dinner at a location they know you dislike.
NeitherStory7803 said:
NTA. They’re just trying to show off for their friends. It isn’t even about your engagement. If they tell you you are being rude about it, remind them that they intentionally pick a restaurant you are not comfortable at because you know it will not be about your engagement but just them visiting with friends. You will only go if they reserve a private room so you and they can actually celebrate.
Existing-Quote7936 said:
NTA. Just decline the invite, point out you are not a fan of the location they chose. It's your engagement, you have the right to celebrate at a place you and your fiancée like.
diminishingpatience said:
NTA. They know exactly what they are doing. What they want matters far more to them than what you want.
Lurking_87 said:
NTA, just tell them you can't celebrate someplace you don't enjoy being. And if they want to bring up your manners, you can remind them how rude it is to invite someone to anything you already know they won't enjoy