'AITA for defending my wife's decision to leave me after my medication caused me to cheat on her?'
"AITA for defending my wife's decision to leave me after my medication caused me to cheat on her?"
Few months ago, I developed a skin condition for which I was prescribed a medication. I became delusional and paranoid that my wife was cheating on me. I didn't tell her or anyone about my thoughts, I kept them to myself.
I then decided to cheat back, and I had an affair. My wife found out and she left for her parents. I stopped taking the medication and my delusions started to fade away. I came back to reality.
I opened up to my mother about what I went through and she told my mother-in-law. My MIL talked to me about it and then started forcing my wife forgive me, telling her that I was not in my right mind.
She drove my wife back to our house and my wife broke down crying. I defended my wife against my MIL and told her that she is not wrong to leave me so MIL should not force her to. She eventually relented and took my wife back and we are separated and moving towards divorce.
My MIL is not happy with my wife and it seems that my wife is having second thoughts as well. My wife called me and asked me why I defended her when her mother was telling her to come back to me and i honestly didn't know what to say.
It was obviously the right thing to do, i don't know what response she was expecting. She then started saying that MIL was right and she should have listened to her and I didn't let her listen...
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Just have an adult conversation about how to move forward, whether together or separately.
NTA. You cheated, and your wife has every right to leave, regardless of the cause. Defending her boundary against her mom was absolutely the right thing to do. You respected her choice.
NTA. You did the only decent thing left to do, you owned what you did and didn’t pressure her into forgiving you. Your wife’s confusion is understandable, but that doesn’t make you wrong for defending her right to walk away.
Her mom’s guilt-tripping is just making everything harder. Let your wife process it on her own. If she ever comes back, it should be because she truly wants to, not because anyone pushed her.
Oh wow, what an awful situation, delirium is not a good time. Honestly, NTA. You owned your behaviour, stood up for what is right [in this case your wife], and your MIL has 0 right to be interfering here.
Maybe you should meet with your wife in a neutral place and have a genuine talk about what happened, where you both are now [mentally] and steps forward, whether thats apart or together.
NTA. This is a touch one. Cheating is never right. But it seems like you was under the wrong kind of medicine. You wasn't you when you cheated. But you still cheated. And your wife is allowed to say nope I'm done here. All MIL is doing is making it worse on everyone and making it where any chance of your wife changing her mind on leaving is over.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't OP saying the meds gave him delusions of his wife cheating AND THEN he cheated as a response, thus saying the act of cheating was his as a response/retaliation and he could have handled the delusional cheating differently (as he spoke to no one and kept it bottled in)?
If he brought his concerns to his wife of her "cheating" and then it comes out she didn't, this could have been prevented, and that is why OP stood on business saying his wife should divorce him. That's what I got from it, as I see people saying the medics MADE HIM cheat is BS, which I would agree just unsure OP is saying that.
People who legitimately have delusions believe in their delusions like you or I believe that cars exist. He doesn't know they are delusional thoughts, his wife IS cheating from his perspective. Why would he talk to her about it? There's no discussing it, no reasoning them out of it--their brain is broken, it's actually their reality just like coffee is normally served hot.
Not saying he couldn't have handled it better, but if it actually is medically diagnosed delusions, the situation absolutely would not play out how you describe, ever. It's a very serious mental health event that might have required intervention by force to get him to seek treatment, but it was only obvious the treatment was needed after the damage was done.
NTA, regardless of what the reasoning had been, if your wife wanted to leave, then she is owed that right. You did a good job of protecting that. I would suggest talking it over with her once more, see where her thoughts are. Be prepared for whichever way it goes, if she doesn’t want to continue then let it go. But if she agrees to give it another chance, then couple counseling.
NTA. You put the woman you loves need before your own. Ask your wife if she would be willing to go to couples counseling before you finalize divorce to help with closure and to get your MIL to back off.
What kind of medication makes you cheat because you think your wife did?
If my husband cheated on me I would leave him too. If I found out his choice was essentially taken away because he was medically impaired I would probably get back together. It’s almost like you were drugged and assaulted in a way.
It’s not the same as having free will being that impaired…I’d suggest you just stay separated until she has some time to think and absorb all this. No need to rush a divorce.