'AITA for deleting my BFF and her husband on FB after they disinvited me from their wedding?' UPDATED

"AITA for deleting my BFF and her husband on social media after they disinvited me to their wedding?"

I (27 F) and my BFF (26 F) have been friends since year 8 in school which is over 15 years of friendship. We were very close, as teenagers we would spend everyday hanging out at each others houses, having sleepovers etc. we were pretty much inseparable.

In year 10 when I was 15 years old, my family and I moved to another town about 3 hours away, however BFF and I remained close and would talk to each other all the time, we did sometimes meet up and go and visit each other over the weekends.. in time we drifted a little but we always kept in contact and stayed close. Even if we didn’t talk everyday..

BFF has been with the same guy since I moved, they went to Spain for their first ever holiday together. When they arrived home, BFF told me her boyfriend had proposed! I was absolutely over the moon for them. She was so excited and asked me to be her bridesmaid..

she explained she was not going to be having a maid of honour as she couldn’t choose between her BFF and her sister so she would have all of us be her bridesmaids which I was so ecstatic for!

I explained to BFF that I would be more than happy to help her with any planning for the wedding and she seemed thankful but explained that they needed to save some money for a couple of years first which I agreed and we moved forward with life.. Over the few years after the engagement she would regularly check in and ask if I was still happy to be her bridesmaid as they would soon begin the planning..

Then the pandemic happened, putting their wedding plans on hold for a while. Once the pandemic had finally felt like it was blowing over and things were starting to get back to normal, my partner and I started making plans to move to Canada.

We had always wanted to live in another country for a couple of years so we started to put wheels in motion to make it happen! I informed BFF about our plans and she asked if we would still be able to attend the wedding as it would be held the following spring.

We were making plans for the move to take place in August so we had more than enough time to attend. She didn’t mention anything about being her bridesmaid though which confused me a little as it’s something she had always talked about up until this point.. I assured her that we would be more than willing to make the trip down to my hometown to attend the wedding, she seemed thankful and happy!

And even though she had not mentioned that I would be in attendance as a bridesmaid I was still excited to celebrate my BFF's big day! As the months passed and the wedding date started getting closer. I noticed that we still had not received an invite to the wedding, so we still did not know any details regarding the venue or the after party.. nothing!

We were told that the wedding would be held on a date near the end of May, however, one day I opened up Facebook and I saw lots of photos and many messages of congratulations for BFF and her new husband. I was confused as the photos were clearly of their wedding day, and they had friends and family in attendance.

I scrolled through the photos and noticed that she only had two bridesmaids, one of them was her husbands sister, and the other was her own sister. At first glance, it looked like they were both just bridesmaids.

But as I kept scrolling, I noticed that her husbands sister was wearing a sash with maid of honour written on it, and her sister was wearing a sash with bridesmaid written on it, as well as some photos of some personalized champagne glasses with the same titles written on them.

I was confused as through all these years she had asked me if I would be a bridesmaid for her, and even though I did get the hint that that was no longer on offer, I did at least expect to be invited to the wedding. She was still my best friend, and in the time leading up to the wedding, she was still messaging me and talking to me like normal about the wedding and how the planning was going.

Leading up to the wedding, I hadn’t had any communication from her regarding an invite or her confirming if I was coming or anything of the sort. I was hurt to not have been informed about any of this.

I went onto Facebook and I deleted her and her husband. it didn’t take long for her to notice, I’d say within 3 to 4 hours, I had a message from her asking what my problem was and what I was so offended about that I felt the need to remove her from my Facebook. I am yet to respond..

It’s been a while since she messaged me, and to be honest, I don’t feel like I have the words to explain why I removed her. I feel like that should be obvious right? But I can’t help but feel somewhat guilty for throwing away that many years of friendship over this.. So, AITA?

Edit: I was in town when her bachelorette party was taking place, which I was not aware of at the time. I asked if she wanted to hang out on this day and she said she was busy. I then saw the photos from the bachelorette later on that evening.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Top-Bit85 said:

She seriously pretended not to know why you were upset? Wow.

OP responded:

Yup, exactly what my thought process was too

leiliah45 said:

You blocked her and noticed it immediately, she is very aware of her actions. This is not a friend. Go find someone better.

OP responded:

Taking new best friend applications at this point ?

ComprehensivePut5569 said:

NTA - your friend could have said something to you first about not being included in the wedding. Also she’s clearly no longer your best friend. It’s up to you if you want to respond or not but it feels like your EX-friend has already let your friendship end and she doesn’t get to all of a sudden feel offended about losing you as a Facebook friend if she doesn’t care about losing your friendship in real life.

OP responded:

Thank you, this is a great way of putting it, I felt that way too.. for her to not understand why I would be upset when she’s just blatantly excluded me, that’s not a friendship I would wish to continue

[deleted] said:

I mean, she’s not your friend anymore. I wouldn’t bother responding. Not only did she not even INVITE you to her wedding, she didn’t even give an apology. Nope. Bye girl

My guess is she’s pissed you moved but too immature to have an adult convo about her feelings? Who knows.

OP responded:

She didn’t like the fact my family and I originally moved from our hometown to another town but this was down to my mum doing what’s best for our family so eventually she got over it..

but you’re right, she could have been upset about the moving countries, but we have now returned to our home country due to the high cost of living in Canada so even if that was the reason, we were only gone for 3 months.

She later shared this update:

I went back and forth about whether or not to actually respond to bf after the responses to this post, I had some really lovely comments telling me not to give it the time of day, but I also had some people explaining that I deserve a reason for not being invited. Well.. I’ve decided not to respond to her message.

I feel the best outcome for me is to protect my peace and move on to better friendships that bring value and happiness to my life. I’m thankful for the years of friendship I did have with her but I feel it’s definitely time let it go. And ultimately, if the roles were reversed, I would have never treated her in this way.

I reminisced on the years leading up to all of this and came to a conclusion that it was very one sided for a large portion of the time we’ve been friends, I would send birthday cards or even gifts if I could afford to do so for them and their kids and sometimes it wouldn’t even come with a Thank you.

I never expected anything in return of course but it has solidified the fact it was mainly me making the effort with the friendship toward the end. I’m sorry to disappoint anyone who was waiting on a more dramatic outcome but I’m also thankful to those of you who took the time to give some great advice and comment some really sweet responses.

Just to clarify a couple of things, no I never did receive an invitation, she didn’t ask for an updated address nor did she inform me that she’d sent one. I was told the wedding would be toward the end of May but when I saw the photos on Facebook, it was near the end of April, so the wedding date had changed without my knowledge.

It is possible she was hurt by my moving country but considering I already didn’t live near her and hadn’t done for quite some time, I can’t see that being the main reason for this behaviour. No disagreements or incidents between us took place to warrant any of this either so it really was a complete mystery to me.

I’ve had some really nice messages from some people on here offering friendships or advice too which has been lovely and I thank you guys for being so kind. Ultimately I decided I’m worth more, I didn’t want to carry on a friendship with someone who could treat me in that manner nor do I want to drag out anymore drama with her when the friendship has clearly been over for a long time.

Over and out✌️