'AITA for demanding a paternity test before I let my 'best friend' back into my life?'
"AITA for demanding a paternity test before I let my 'best friend' back into my life?"
I’m 26F, my boyfriend is 28M, we’ve been together a little over 3 years. We’re not married, but we live together, share bills, and honestly I thought we were in that boring stable phase where the biggest drama is who forgot to buy trash bags.
My best friend “Lena” (27F) has been in my life since college. She’s messy in a fun way, always has some story, some new guy, some crisis, but we’ve stayed close. She’s also the kind of person who will cry in your kitchen at 2am, then post a selfie the next morning like nothing happend.
Two weeks ago she texts me out of nowhere: “I need to tell you something pls don’t hate me.” I call her, she’s sobbing, and then she says she’s pregnant. I do the normal friend thing at first, like omg are you ok, do you need me, what’s the plan.
Then she drops: “It’s Mark’s.” Mark is my boyfriend. I swear I felt my stomach go cold. I asked her what she meant and she says they “hooked up once” at a party I didn’t go to because I had a migraine. She says it was a mistake, they were both drunk, and she didn’t tell me because she was ashamed. She’s saying it like it’s a bad haircut, not like she just nuked my life.
I confront Mark immediately. He looks like he’s about to throw up. He admits they kissed that night but says he went home after and nothing else happened. He says Lena is lying because she’s “spiraling” and wants attention. He showed me his phone.
There were some flirty texts from her from months ago, he replied short and cold, but he never told me about them. So now I’m sitting there thinking ok, either my boyfriend cheated and is gaslighting me, or my best friend is making up a pregnancy story to get into my relationship. Both options are insane.
Here’s the part that makes everyone mad. Lena sent me “proof”. It’s a screenshot of a message from some unknown number saying “I can’t believe I got you pregnant, please dont tell her yet.”
That’s it. No name, no context, just a random text. I asked her to call the number. She said it’s a burner phone because she “panicked.” I asked her to show me a pregnancy test or doctor visit.
She said she threw the test away and hasn’t gone to a doctor yet because she’s scared. She kept saying “why don’t you trust me.” Like… because you just told me you slept with my boyfriend??
I told her if she’s telling the truth, I will support her in getting a paternity test. Not because I want to punish her, but because I’m not letting my whole life get destroyed based on vibes. I said until then, I need space and she’s not welcome in my home.
She freaked out, said I’m humiliating her, that I’m treating her like some liar, that I’m being cruel to a “pregnant woman.” She also told a bunch of mutual friends that I “demanded she prove her pregnancy” and that I’m cold and jealous.
Now my phone is full of messages like “you should believe women,” “you’re letting a man turn you against your friend,” “even if it’s not his, you’re being heartless.” But I feel like I’m losing my mind.
If she’s lying, this is psychotic. If she’s telling the truth, then my boyfriend cheated and my best friend betrayed me. Either way I don’t see how I’m supposed to just hug her and move on. AITA for demanding a paternity test and cutting her off until she can prove anything?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
She claimed she slept with your bf, true or not the friendship over. Next, have the bf call her while you listen and have him confront her and see how she reacts. That will give you an idea of who to believe. As for your other friends, drop them, if they aren't upset she slept with your bf, let them deal with her when she does the same to them.
late_night_rambles (OP)
Yeah I’m basically done with Lena either way. I might do the speaker call, but she’s good at acting too. If she wont show a real doctor appt, I’m out.
Kissing would be cheating. So you only cared if actual intercourse happens? Sounds like BOTH are terrible people.
late_night_rambles (OP)
No, the kiss already wrecked me. I’m not “fine” with it, I’m just not letting Lena label him the father off zero proof. Two separate issues.
late_night_rambles (OP)
She keeps saying “trust me” but won’t even show a doctor appt or a real test. I’m not playing detective off one sketchy screenshot, it feels like a setup.
Smart move on your part, trust your gut and lose them both….
I feel like she is lying, if I was in that position and my bff asked me for proof of pregnancy I would just get another test, do you think your bf would buy a burner phone just to send her that txt? I don’t! Maybe she always liked your bf and after the kiss she wanted to break you up.
First, your boyfriend DID cheat. Are you seriously ok with him kissing someone else and lying to you about it? Second, don't let her back into your life in any scenario. She either hooked up with your bf or tried to and is now lying about it for attention. I don't see how the paternity test is relevant to your relationship with her.
Finally, why are you ok with being in "that boring stable phase"? You're 26, not 56. Eventually anyone you date will cheat on you if you are content with boring. You're too young for that, and your partner will probably want excitement.
I mean... you bf cheated whether you want to and are able to minimize it or not. He made out with another girl... your bf no less, at one of the first opportunities he had. Lol... that's a TERRIBLE bf... your best friend no less! You handle her how you want to handle that. Im more curious if you are letting him off the hook. That's what it looks like and reads like. Ill tell you something.
If it was that easy for him with your BF... you don't think he's done it elsewhere with others... whoa gurl... you got another thing coming. Get to the gym, cut them both out of your life and start fresh. This is some Jerry Springer nonsense that you don't need. Not married either... you are dodging a bullet here!