'AITA for demanding my BF's parents pay for the paternity test they want me to get?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my boyfriends parents they need to pay for the paternity test?"

My partner (27m) and I (31f) broke up and then got together again several months later. Before we separated his parents had gone out of their way to buy a house for us to rent from them as a couple.

A few months after he and I got back together (something he kept secret from them due to them making him promise he wouldn't let anyone move in or allow any cats in the house again) I got pregnant with his child. Once his parents found out that we were seeing each other again and there was a baby involved they told him that I was not allowed to move back in.

During a meeting at dinner they said that they wanted us to complete a paternity test. I told them that I understood why they would want that but that my insurance didn't cover it because it's not a medical necessity.

I couldn't afford it so I said if it was something that they wanted then they would need to pay for it (because I already know who the father is and I'm not paying over a 1000 dollars out of pocket for a test I know the answer to).

Later I messaged my bf's mom with a link to a test with a discounted sale price of $300. She responded that if that was for pre-natal then that was a great deal and that she would probably call them the next day for more information. The next day I reached out to her to see if she had learned anything and got no response. The following day I asked again and got no response.

The day after that I apologized for being a pest if she was busy and asked again and still got nothing but silence so I dropped it and just let it go. Now my bf tells me that his parents are angry at me for demanding that they pay for the test and then asking if they'd made any progress on getting one scheduled. He agrees with them that I was wrong to do so.

I don't think I am, because I feel like they're the ones who want it and don't see why they would have expected to tell us to get one and have us pay for it but apparently that dynamic is normal between them in his family. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

writing_mm_romance said:

Why on earth are you having a child with a man who hides you until you're pregnant and then throws you under the bus when his parents get involved. Walk away from all that mess.

OP responded:

I didn't think I could even get pregnant, or else I wouldn't be. I understand his parents can be very 'corporate' in the way they go about things but I really expected him to have my back in this situation.

At this point, I'm having the baby in May, and his parents are still insisting that I'm not allowed to move back in. I'm probably going to have to move to Colorado with the baby once it's born and the relationship will more than likely die when I do.

Vivid-Farm6291 said:

I would move before the baby is born. Otherwise you will have to fight to move. So his folks are demanding not only a DNA test but you also have to pay for it. Heck NO. Set settled then hit him up for child support. Good luck. NTA.

gobsmacked247 said:

What an absolute crap family you are tying yourself into. Please assert yourself a bit more with the bf. Tell him that his mom wanted the test and you were just making sure things progressed to get the test taken as cheaply as possible. Then add that the window is closing and either she wants confirmation or the subject is to be dropped.

If you are not on equal footing and preparing to be parents together, get out. Get a lawyer and file for support and be done with the crazy already.

Dilly_Dally4 said:

May have been their idea, but your excessive check-ins about the test make it seem as if you're the one who really wants it. Maybe deep down you want the test so they can see that the father really is their son. Still though, no need to even ask a 2nd time, let alone however many more.

OP responded:

I mean, obviously I want them to know that it's their grandson. But I had been trying to show them that I was willing to do the test when I first linked one, and my check ins were only because she said she would call for more info and I wanted to know what she had learned about whether it was pre-natal or post-natal.

stargal81 said:

Why do they want it? So they'll let you move back in, then? Why isn't your bf asserting that he knows he's the father, & they have no right to make such a demand? Why don't you & bf move out & get your own place? His parents can find other renters, sell the house, or suck it up & let you move in so they can have a relationship with their grandchild.

OP responded:

He cares about his parents and doesn't want to ruin the relationship he has with them and be written out of their will. They have the kind of money to set him up with a comfortable retirement down the line.

Two months later, she shared this update:

So I had my baby in Wisconsin. His parents continued to insist that I couldn't live with him. He showed up to the birth of his child and seemed supportive to a small degree while I was in the hospital.

Then I was released, and had to move to Colorado, which is where I am now. I'm safely living with my grandmother and working remotely while caring for our beautiful baby boy, our dog and our cat. There weren't any issues taking our son since he didn't put his name on the birth certificate before paternity testing is done. Turns out moms start with 100% custody until a court order is in place.

I'll be pursuing child support from here since he's pretty much ghosted me after the move. I know it's dumb to miss him, but I'm doing my best to give our son the best life I possibly can in his father's absence to keep my mind off of the heartbreak. This will be my only update.Thank you for the support in the previous comments. I hope you all have wonderful lives from here on out too.