'AITA for demanding a DNA test from my 'grandma?'' UPDATED
"AITA for demanding a DNA test from my 'grandma?'"
I am (26M) and my dad is (40M). Yes, you’re reading that right, he was fourteen when I was born. In 1990, my dad went through something traumatic which resulted in his mom bailing and he was raised solely by my abuelo (63) my dad and his family are Mexican).
Dad went through a few years of shit and did some stupid things for a kid, one of them resulting in me but he got through it and even managed to make things work with my mom until she sadly passed away in 2010 aged only 30.
My dad thought about his mom a lot but he also had a lot of hatred towards her for abandoning him so he didn’t have any real interest in finding her. Years go by and aw he got older he was content with it just being us and his dad.
Anyway, he recently got a message from an older woman who was in her early 60s like my abuelo. She claimed to be his mother and ill be honest, there was a high chance she was. She shared a lot of similarities with my dad’s actual mom: she had the exact same name, was born in 1957 and knew a lot of details only she would know.
I knew for a fact it was her but didn’t want to take the chance even though my dad decided to. I said that this woman is virtually a stranger and whilst she is most likely his mom, we should get a DNA test just to be 100% accurate.
Dad agreed and we set up a meeting with this woman. (Since were allowed to now) She looked remarkably like my grandma in old pictures I’ve seen but we were still cautious. Dad and I both expressed our concerns and that we wanted a DNA test to prove beyond a doubt she was who she says she is.
Well, she got highly offended and said we didn’t need one as it was obvious she was who she was saying she was. My dad remained quiet but I basically said to her “I’m not doubting you but you’re a stranger to us and we just want proof if we’re going to try and make things work.”
She has refused and my dad and I walked away. She has since been messaging constantly saying it is an AH move to expect a dna test when it’s clear it’s his mother and I’ve retaliated by saying to her back saying it was an AH move to abandon him and expect to be welcomed back in open arms.
Apparently that comment was too harsh according to my abuelo and that I need to chill and that the DNA thing was maybe too far. AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
[deleted] said:
NTA. I’m surprised your grandfather is siding with the same woman who left him to be a single dad. It doesn’t matter if this woman is so glaringly obvious your grandma, you don’t know her and a DNA test would prove who she is.
[deleted] said:
NTA she’s a stranger, if she’s really who she claims to be there would no reason why it should be a big deal to spit in a gd cup.
kitten5902 said:
NTA. You don’t know if it’s some stranger that wants to take advantage of you. And if she really was your grandma and she really wanted to reconnect, then she would prove that she was related to you and your dad.
OP responded:
I’m kinda surprised that my abuelo is seemingly strongly against it even though she abandoned him too
[deleted] said:
NTA. Uh lol asking for a DNA test from someone who claims to be your mother after not being in contact for 30 years? How is that harsh? A DNA test is not a big deal at all and should honestly be expected for this kind of thing
OpenForRepairs said:
NTA. It is highly suspicious that she refuses a DNA test. If there wasn’t anything sketchy why would she be offended by it?
OP responded:
I have no idea.
MoisturisingCoaster said:
NTA- She hasn't been seen for 30 years, you've never met her before now, you don't know whether you can trust her. I thought a DNA test would be expected...
OP responded:
So did I and idk why my abuelo is on her side considering she walked out on him
theWatsonX asked:
Wouldn't your dad and grandfather know it's her just by looking at her?
OP responded:
My abuelo is like that but my dad was only 10 when she left and whilst there is a lot in evidence of her claims considering the things she knows my dad doesn’t want to take any chances
El_Badgerino asked:
You say you know for a fact that it is her, how? Is it from your abeulo's shared memories of her?
OP responded:
My abuelo confirmed it was definitely her form her picture as did my dad and she confirmed a lot of details only they would do so yeah it was from both their shared memories I just wanted to get a test to make sure
He later shared this first update:
I should add the woman confirmed a lot of details in messages to my dad that only he and my abuelo would know and my abuelo confirmed it so maybe that’s why he doesn’t need a DNA test as he believes strongly it’s her but I’m still unsure and my dad is still suspicious
To those saying it’s so obvious it’s my grandma and that I’m just demanding a DNA to score points, that’s not the point. Yes she has private info only she knows and her identity has been confirmed by my abuelo, this woman is a stranger to me. I have no idea who she is and just want solid confirmation of who she is.
A lot of you have made me realise I’m worried about the pain my relatives felt and don’t want them to get hurt again that’s why I’m so hellbent on a dna test despite knowing it’s her.
We'll keep you posted if there are any future updates!