"AITA for demanding my GF stops going to the gym?"

I (28M) and GF (25F) have been together for 4 years. I admit i’ve never been a muscular man and during our time together she has gotten more curvaceous which I love (there’s more for me to grab onto yk?). She’s been working on it for about 6 months.

I try to be as supportive as I can but she is a totally different person at the gym. She is usually amazing, but after breaking a sweat i swear to God it’s like she’s possessed, she yells at anybody who ‘interrupts’ her (trainers, managers or people asking if she’s done using a machine).

she’ll be rude to the staff to the point where she has 2 strikes because of complaints about her, which i know bc her membership has a guest pass and I sometimes go to provide support (and use the sauna ngl) so i’ve seen her and we’ve talked about it.

When she gets home after the gym it’s the same, she gets annoyed at everything, the tv, what’s for dinner (that she usually chooses before going), the way the furniture is arranged and tbh as much as i love her it’s emotionally exhausting to the point i dread the days she goes to the gym.

She’s super apologetic the next day and acknowledges that her behavior is unacceptable and promises that she’ll work on it and control herself. I’ve asked her what causes this and she says that she gets too hot and sweaty and dislikes the sensation to the point she gets angry. I’ve suggested fans or water sports like swimming to balance that but she says that it’s not the same level/type of exercise.

Yesterday I went with her to the gym to use the sauna and honestly as much as i love her i felt a little disgusted with how she was treating people. She is usually so sweet and nice but she was berating a custodian for mopping a spill near her and she just blew up at him and had him in tears.

I grabbed her and told her we were leaving. I apologized to the man on her behalf and she was yelling at me for interrupting her workout, defending the man and taking her home. She continued yelling all the way home and I admit I had it. I told her this wasn’t the woman i knew and that if this is truly who she was then i wanted nothing to do with her.

She yelled some more calling me irrational and not having her back, I told her the only way i saw to fix this was for her to go back and apologize to the whole staff and stop going to the gym because i couldn’t stand the person she became after working out.

She said i was sabotaging her progress and that i wanted her to stay fat (her words) so i could feel better about myself and called me an absolute AH for dictating what she can and can’t do and that i can go f myself and my moral high ground. I dropped her off at home and went to stay at my brother’s for the night.

We haven’t spoken today but usually after a good night’s sleep she’s always back to her ‘normal’ sweet self but i honestly can’t stand it anymore and i’m firm that if she continues going to the gym we’re over. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? Any ideas what's going on here? This is what top commenters had to say:

LadyoftheFjords said:

NTA - If you don't tell her then who will, and who will she listen to if not you? Is there any chance your girlfriend is taking something to help her get faster progress at the gym? Because her aggression would be a typical sign...

midori87 said:

NTA. Is she on steroids or some kind of pre-workout supplement that's pumping her full of caffeine? This is so strange.

commenter23450 said:

NTA you should stay broken up from this person regardless of her workout plans. Sounds like she eventually will get banned from the gym then she will be single and gymless.

And laughingsbetter said:

Are you absolutely sure that she is nice only in social situations? Is she this way at work? Pleas get her to a doctor. If she is truly a nice person, something is not right. Maybe get regular blood work done and then blood work after a work out. NTA.

Edit from OP:

It's been asked a few times so i'll add it here. She does take a protein shake that her trainer recommended. He is a certified either dietitian or nutritionist so i'd think that wouldn't be it. After work i'll call and verify his credentials and check the protein shake she's taking just to be safe. I also don't think (and hope) she's on steroids.

Edit 2:

I have to go back to work but thank you all for your help. I will go back home tonight and sit down with her and have a talk. I'll ask her directly if she's taking any drugs or medications that i don't know about and see what she says and how she reacts. I'll also suggest going to a GP and/or therapist (depending on how she reacts to the first part) telling her that i ove her but i am concerned about her well being.

There were a few comments that i'd like to show her if she's open to it and hopefully we can get to the bottom of this. I'm also calling the gym to double check the trainer and his credentials. I wouldn't like to think so but i rather be safe and not think that it's him spiking her shakes since he is the one who gives them to her when she gets there. She has a thing of it at home but he's the one that sells it to her.

i don't know if this will deserve an update or not considering the tiny ass chance that she really might just be an AH then well that sucks, but i really hope that's not it. Anyway thanks for everything!

He later shared this update on the situation:.

So that day i went back home after work to find GF crying in the living room. I panicked and asked what was the matter and she broke down saying that she didn’t know what was wrong with her, that she truly had been trying to stop her behavior but that she didn’t feel like herself when she worked out.

She said that it felt like something was wrong with her because she was supposed to be happy when working out as she did when she was younger. She told me she’d been to the gym that day to apologize to the staff even if i still broke up with her that it was something she had to do, and she also canceled her membership. The manager voided the contract and said that he also thought it was for the best.

GF asked me not to break up with her and that she’d stop working out forever and i told her that’s not what i wanted either, i wanted her to be happy, healthy and alive but that i was concerned because there might be some underlying issues that we weren’t seeing or something that was affecting her. So we went step by step over things that could be wrong as you guys provided many suggestions.

Steroids and drugs: She said no and looked really sad that i’d even suggest it but i told her i was just trying to rule things out. She also said she’s not taking any medication other than her birth control that she’s been on for years.

Protein Shake and trainer: she said the dude is a certified dietician (i verified this) and that he makes her shakes because she kept forgetting to bring them. We went in and talked it over with the gym manager and the trainer said that he was also concerned about her behavior because she was nice when she came in and during warm ups.

He pointed out her mood shifts started when her heart rate got above a certain point and stayed like that even after she cooled down. He recommended she see an endocrinologist like some of you did, so we made an appointment for that.

Trainer also pointed out somewhat of a timeline of when her behavior started because it was in his notes. She started going to that gym in July but she only started having her ‘episodes’ as he called them starting september.

He pointed out that he also thought it could be something in the shakes and that he had recommended switching them twice with no change, and told me that there were days where she wouldn’t take them at all and it still happened. All of this is on her record.

Sensory issues and neurodivergence: She thought about it for a bit and said that if it rang somewhat familiar she didn’t think that was it but that she wasn’t ruling it out either. She said that during the summer, at the beach or in the sauna she also got incredibly hot and sweaty but wasn’t truly bothered by it, that it was only during physical activities. Which brings me to my next point.

Physical activities: When she said that i thought about the other type of physical activities (wink wink) because she also gets hot and sweaty and her bp also goes up during that type of exercise. I might just be really dumb because i never made the connection but yeah, the last few months the longer we go at it the more aggressive she gets.

i just thought it was, you know, enthusiasm but i guess not. She usually falls asleep immediately after so i didn’t think anything of it. So all in all she did stop going to the gym for the moment. We have an appointment with an endocrinologist next week. She says her weightloss journey was merely to be “less pudgy” as she put it but that she wasn’t too bothered by it since i loved her no matter what.

She also said thanks to those who showed concern for her well being also said to tell you that “I make me out to be too nice and she is definitely an AH sometimes” but i love her AH or not and i just hope that these episodes are just something that can be painlessly and easily fixed.