"AITA for demanding my husband mop the floors?"
My husband (41M) and I (35F) and I have been together for 8 years, married for 1. A few years ago we moved to a city in a warmer climate and with the nicer weather I noticed my husband would walk outside barefoot almost everyday. He then walks around our house, sits on the couch, just goes about his day with feet that are often completely black on the bottom.
We live in a DIRTY city (downtown Los Angeles). There is always trash in the street. There's often dog poop abandoned on the sidewalk, occasionally human p**p. He oftentimes walks barefoot in the road to get to his car, and the tar really makes his feet black.
We live in a shoes-off house, meaning we take our shoes off when we get home. Its not just comfortable but I like to do it because it cuts down on the germs you carry inside, meaning we don't have to clean the floors as often. But if he walks around barefoot outside, that defeats the purpose of taking our shoes off inside. For a few years now Ive tried to talk him into wearing shoes outside.
From a health perspective, my doctor told me he could get hookworms from walking barefoot. He won't budge so I gave that up and accepted his weird behavior. But I hate how dirty our floors are, my socks turn black just within a couple hours of walking around our house. I tried to convince him to clean his feet off when he comes inside.
The best I could get out of him is he has a designated foot brush in the shower, but he only showers once a day (if that) so his feet are often still dirty in our house. He often won't clean his feet until I see them and complain. To his credit he usually cleans them when I ask, but at the same time, I hate being the dirty feet police and the dirt damage is already done by that time.
Now I've told him that if he wont clean his feet off, then he will have to mop the floors every Saturday.
He says I am being a controlling AH and a germaphobe.
I think the majority of his friends wouldn't put up with this gross behavoir either, Ive been more than reasonable in trying to work with him on this, so he's been an AH to call my boundaries "controlling." I want clean floors and I've given him three options to get there. Yes he has flip flops. And slip-ons. Doesn't matter. He says he wants his feet "to be free."
Here's what people had to say to OP:
GBOC80 wrote:
NTA. The fact that he walks around outside in downtown LA with no shoes on is just disgusting.
OP responded:
Technically we are ten minutes outside of DTLA but its still very urban. I put the downtown part because I was afraid people would see LA and think Beverly Hills or some other rich, clean suburban area.
flumpf wrote:
NTA but be for real. It’s been 8 years and you expect him to change? Good luck, babe.
OP responded:
When we got together we lived in a colder, cleaner climate. He didn't walk barefoot in the snow! And when he did this in the summer it was just in our grass yard or driveway, which I did too, so it wasn't as gross.
Enough-Process9773 wrote:
NTA. He needs to mop the floors every day or he needs to THOROUGHLY clean his feet whenever he comes in. Whether or not you are there to supervise. You're not being controlling. You're not being a germaphobe. You just want clean floors, and he just likes to track dirt all over your clean floors so you will have to clean it up.
I'm basically sympathetic to going barefoot - I love going barefoot outside - but absolutely, if you're going to walk around barefoot OUTSIDE, then you clean your feet when you get INSIDE. This is not a barefoot issue. This is a man being controlling and nasty to you, enjoying his power to disgust you, and trying to gaslight you into pretending you're the unreasonable one.
RegularEfficient2567 wrote:
Dirty feet police AAAAAAAA OMG NTA. This is absolutely disgusting, what is it so hard about quickly wearing flipflops when going briefly outside. And it's not like you live in a place fairly clean (as you mentioned LA). I would keep standing my ground. Also how do you put up sharing a bed with him knowing he has dirty feet, and not innocent dirt from inside the house, BUT FROM OUTSIDE? I WOULD NEVER.
NonSequiturSquirrel wrote:
Girl I live in LA too, your man is gross. I have occasionally run outside barefoot to throw something in the bin and even then I only go on tiptoe and wipe my toes down once I'm inside.
I wash my dogs feet when they come in and the water in the little foot washing thing is always DISGUSTING even after a short walk. I have to carry at least one dog over a sidewalk full of broken glass at least once every week or two. NTA. Who is running around barefoot in these streets. Absolutely not.
SigridMalone wrote:
NTA, but quit accepting the idea that it’s up to you to do all the mental labor of coming up with a plan. Tell him: it’s reasonable that he likes to go barefoot. it’s also reasonable that you like a clean house. He doesn’t like the strategies you came up with to have both, so now it’s on him to offer strategies to have both.
late-nineteenth wrote:
NTA, him and his free feet can just live outside then lol. I would become controlling about it- his filth is affecting your health and your peace of mind. I would make him wear slippers inside if he refuses to wear shoes outside. I would not stop bothering him about it for one second. It's not okay for him to dirty up your home for his own comfort and call you a germaphobe for being uncomfortable with his filth.
His comfort is not more important than yours and it certainly shouldn't mean you have to clean up after him. Once a week is not enough btw, I would have him wash his feet and mop the floor every time he walks in from being barefoot outside. He can decide if it's worth dealing with all the mopping and foot washing or not.
Left_Set_5610 wrote:
Eww. NTA. He brings those gross feet under the sheets and blankets too. Ick.
I don’t know how you do it, that is gnarly.