'AITA for demanding that we do a paternity test and share the results in the family group chat?'

"AITA for demanding that we do a paternity test and share the results in the family group chat and threatening divorce?"

I (35f) have been married to my husband (Bob, 35m) for two years. This year, we had a baby boy called Jack. His mother has always been nice and kind to me, and basically like the family I never had, until my baby was born and he didn’t look like my husband at all.

Both me and my husband are biologists so we know how genetics work, and he doesn’t mind at all. But his family has been throwing snide comments at me every time we visit them about doubting our child’s paternity.

They have also been spreading the rumor. It has gotten to the point where it’s starting to affect my mental health and my ability to be around them. Keep in mind, I grew up in foster care, so his family is our only support system.

I see this as a very simple matter. We do a quick paternity test, send the results to the family members in question (especially MIL) and the issue is settled. I brought this up to my husband, who told me that he doesn’t want to do this because it would basically mean that MILs words were enough to shake his trust in me, and it would reflect badly on our marriage.

I argued that my mental health and reputation are more important than how our marriage is publicly perceived, while he argued that the handling of issues with his side of the family are his decision. He is saying he wants to cut them off if they continue after he has a talk with them.

This is where I might have acted aholish. I got heated and said “well that’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one constantly accused, your decisions stop being only yours when they start affecting me." He snapped back that his decision was to cut them off, so it didn’t matter what I did anyway.

I was pretty angry at that point because I felt like he was making everything about him, so I said that I don’t give a sh$% about his family or whether or not he cut them off, that is his decision, but I want to do a test just to settle the issue and protect my own reputation.

He also got angry and said he doesn’t want his family to think their comments got to him to the point we needed proof. I had enough, so I said that my reputation is important to me, and more important than whatever public image he wants to protect.

I can’t sleep at night knowing his entire family thinks I cheated on him, so he either gives me a DNA sample for the test, or I’m serving him divorce papers. I also told him that if he makes me, I’ll take him to court and tell them that Jack isn’t his kid, so he would have to take a test to get access to him.

So those test results are coming out either way, and it’s best if he chose the easy way. He was shocked and just said “but we both know he is my kid," and I said “yes, we do, but if I’m being accused of something I am entitled to produce evidence that proves me innocent, and I will do it one way or the other."

I didn’t wait for a response and just went to sleep in my car, and haven’t heard from him yet, which makes me wonder if I am the ahole. My rationale is that I am being accused of something horrible, and I have every right to bring up evidence to disprove it. But I also understand his pov now that I’m calmer. AITA?

EDIT:

I don’t think I described the full ramifications of these rumors. They are affecting my career as a teacher in the small religious school. Everyone looks the other way when they see me in public. I’m being sent hate mail on social media.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Haunting-Nebula-1685 said:

YTA - your husband is being trusting and supportive and putting your marriage above his family’s dumb opinions. You’re freaking out with insecurity and making a big deal out of it when there’s nothing to be worried about. You know he’s the father, he knows he’s the father - why are you threatening divorce just to prove a point to someone who doesn’t mean anything at all?

sora_tofu_ said:

YTA. Enjoy single motherhood, and an even worse reputation. This is unhinged. If you want to destroy your marriage, and make a complete a$% out of yourself; by all means.

metanat said:

YTA. Get them to put their money where their mouth is. 100k bet. Easy money.

Moon_Legs said:

YTA. Sounds like you’re playing right into MIL’s hands blowing up your marriage over this. Does anybody of any consequence outside of his toxic ass family seriously believe these "rumors" that they’re spreading?

Does a positive DNA test stop them from still claiming you’ve cheated on him? And even if it does, does it stop them from coming up with some other baseless lie to spread if they really have it out for you?

MrKnives said:

I think the saddest part here is that MIL is playing you like a fiddle and no matter what people say here you will go along with your plan. Even if you clear the rumors, it'll be at the expense of your marriage so I hope you know what you're doing. YTA.

Past-Motor-4654 said:

YTA. If you both know it’s his kid, you’re letting his asshole family get in between you and that’s not good for your baby.