'AITA if I deny my newfound half-sister (on my father's side) access to my mother?'

"AITA if I deny my newfound half-sister (on my father's side) access to my mother?"

This is a bit complicated, please bear with me. Recently a girl (23F) reached out to me (25F) via Facebook explaining that she is my half-sister, conceived by my father and another woman. She explained that her mother recently "came clean to her" regarding her father - that she (23F) was the result of a ONS with a guy she met during a work trip.

Before she was told that she was the bio kid of her stepfather. She didn't find our father online as he doesn't have socmed, but found me thanks to our very uncommon surname (how her mother knows our surname but doesn't have any other contact information - idk. 23F told me her mother was very cagey about everything).

After a bunch of messaging we set up a video call to talk, and 23F explained she was very excited to connect with her real family and yadda yadda...but not just with my father's side, also with my mother's? As you can guess from our ages, my father cheated on my mom with 23Fs mother. No surprise there as he had tons of affairs during the marriage, which is why they divorced almost two decades ago.

I'm also not surprised that 23F exists as my father told me himself years ago when I was grilling him about the cheating that he most likely has a bunch of affair kids out there because "that's just how men are." I was open with her and told her that Im NC with my paternal family because not only did they condone the cheating (and blamed my mom for it), they are also just toxic in general.

There is a lot to say about my paternal family, but to keep it concise, I told her I could give her their contact info but that she should keep her expectations low because they are all pretty terrible people, and she won't be seen as a long lost daughter coming home.

But me saying that led to her asking about my maternal family, to which I told her that they are amazing people and that my mother is great. She then got excited and said she can't wait to connect with my mom and I'm.. stumped as to why I would let her do that.

She is not related to my mom, and my parents divorced long ago. My mom has also since remarried. Also, the timing of 23Fs conception coincides with the time when my mom miscarried my younger brother, something that obviously hurt her a lot. Knowing that on top of that pain my father was cheating on her during that time is another can of worms

I told 23F I would ask my mom if she's ok with connecting with her but...I don't think I should even bring this up to her? All of this just seems so weird to me, and I don't even know if 23F is a "good" person, or if she has some sort of ulterior motive for wanting to know my mom. 23F couldn't even give me a good reason as to why she would want that, just that my mom is my family, and thus also hers (23Fs).

I'm leaning towards not mentioning this to my mom and giving 23F my dad's info, but my best friend said I'm an AH for "keeping" my mom "to myself", and that I shouldn't make this decision for my mom

AITA if I don't mention anything to my mom?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ScaryButterscotch74 wrote

NTA. Your half-sister is crazy if she thinks that your mum wants to have a relationship with her ex-husband’s child that he had during their marriage. You have no obligation to pander to crazy.

Hypno_psych wrote:

NTA. I may be overly suspicious, but I’d be wanting dna evidence of relationship after her so smoothly moving on from wanting to be connected with your father’s family onto your mother’s.

Grifters and scams abound these days and it pays to be cautious.

virtual_entrance6376 wrote:

Please take your best friend to the hospital ASAP. It appears that she's had a head injury recently. 🤣 On a more serious note, secrets are destructive and as much as you want to protect your mom, just let her know and she can decide for herself. Sadly your dad did a number on her trust with the affairs.

Don't let this be a secret to break your bond. It's also saying, I don't think you can handle it vibes. Imagine if 23 decides to contact her of her own cognition and your mom found out you knew...yikes. Just be upfront. 23 doesn't have any rights to your mother. I'm also wondering whether she's reaching out to your mom as a way of hurting her mother?

plm56 wrote:

NTA. While I feel for this young woman, her determination to forge ties where none exist is a red flag that you should not ignore. Give her the contact information for your father and his family and tell her not to contact you again. Block her if she persists, but keep any messages or voicemails in case things deteriorate to the point that a restraining order is needed.

The only person who owes her anything is your father. I would tell your mother, because I suspect the young woman will try to seek her out on her own and she doesn't need to be blindsided, but definitely don't suggest meeting or talking to her.

Ok_Cherry_4585 wrote:

NTA, she already has a mom. She's not an orphan. She doesn't need to meet your mom. Also, meeting your mom would be incredibly painful and awkward for your mom. This young lady doesn't seem to understand familial boundaries any more than her mother did when she slept with a married man.

I'd do a DNA test before I had any more contact with her at all, even then, only directing her to your father and his side of the family. Your mother doesn't deserve to be hurt all over again.

Seaworthiness8650 wrote:

NTA, however, your mom needs a heads up. Your father's daughter seems to be looking for new family and she is not related to your maternal extended family. Your mom should be prepared in case she goes around you.