'AITA for destroying embryos we were going to gift to friends after they dissed us?'

"AITA for destroying embryos we were going to gift to a couple we viewed as friends after they dissed us?"

So, a couple of years ago my husband and I had a child via surrogacy. We had 5 top grade embryos frozen after delivery of our child. We did not have intention of having another child, so we wanted to gift these embryos to a couple who we viewed as friends until recently. We are open about our experience with surrogacy, which is as close to a text book case of perfection as IFV can come.

We are extremely thankful and we realize this is an outlier (decision for IVF to healthy birth was only 15 months, which included everything, including surrogate search and vetting.) While having no previous relationship, the surrogate and her family and our family have become very close. We stated that we would like to gift the embryos to a couple who would otherwise be unable to have a family.

So this couple, who were casual acquaintances who we dod consider friends, became a possibility. Let's call them Greg and Karen. Through whatever means, we were connected and discussed this possibility. The initial discussion was about whether they were interested, and if they were, we could talk about details and hopefully come to an arrangement. There was no commitment made.

To protect ourselves, every interaction was recorded and we were careful about words used under the guidance of our legal counsel. We asked for them to have legal representation, and for their counsel to reach out to ours if they wanted to continue discussions on finalizing an agreement. As life can be with a new child, we spent time as a family and hosted/attended fewer such social gatherings/events.

So, it turns out that this couple has a very different political ideology than we do. While we disapprove of a specific elected politician, they essentially worship this politician. Believe it or not, we had no idea this was the case beforehand as we always had non-political social interactions with them.

Greg and Karen began telling people the deal was finalized, they had began appointments at a fertility clinic, and Karen was taking IVF hormones. Even more surprising, they were telling people they are glad the deal was finalized so they would never have to us again, stating we were horrible people who don't deserve a child because of our political beliefs, but we're glad to get free embryos.

We had multiple friends who recorded rants on several occasions and provided them to us. One rant suggested they should make an anonymous tip to child protective services so our child could be taken away, and even if that didn't make it that far, we would be extremely inconveniences.

We consulted with our legal counsel, and we made the decision to instead destroy the embryos instead of gifting them. We immediately filled out the paperwork and began the process to have them destroyed. The next time their legal counsel reached out, our counsel told them the embryos were destroyed and, as such, there would be no agreements on gifting the embryos.

We thought this would be the end, and we made sure to have no further contact with Greg or Karen. Due to changes in our lives, we were about to move far away, and there would be no reasonable situation where we would ever run into each other. Well, after loading up our moving truck and doing final walk through before pulling out, we received a court summons.

Greg and Karen are suing us. They are suing us for breach of contract, theft/destruction of their property (claiming we had an oral contract and the embryos were theirs), loss of wages due to fertility treatments, medical costs for fertility treatments, pain and suffering/emotional distress, and punitive damages.

We presented the filing information to our legal counsel, along with recorded evidence and the contact information of friends who notified us of those incidents (who were more than happy to help us), and our legal counsel believes there is no case.

But it will cost a lot to litigate, and advised us to countersue, otherwise we'd be on the hook for our own legal costs. Also, without embryos in their possession, Karen should not have started hormone treatments for IVF.

Anyway, this is not about the legalities, which we are confident are on our side.

When Greg and Karen started badmouthing us and claiming they had our embryos, AITA for having them destroyed to prevent dealing that couple (or an even worse scenario)?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Ladygtha wrote:

Until contracts were signed, they should not have incurred expenses for the transfer of property. While verbal contacts can be valid, it is not always so. Case in point, "I like your house, I'll buy it" cannot be legally enforced - no terms and outside regular expectations for a verbal agreement, at least in this day and age.

It's very sad that you had to destroy these embryos while dealing with these people, but it's the smartest thing you could have done. Had you tried to provide another family with the chance, it's quite likely that the "first couple" (can't remember what you named them) could have sued for custody of any child that was born.

Which would be a far worse fight for you, the potential parents, that child, and (potentially) your child. Countersue for legal expenses. Really, their expenses are like "I paid for renovations and home decor on a home that you said you MIGHT sell me! Give me my money back!"

Ultimately, the fact that your political ideologies didn't align doesn't matter. No agreement was in place and you don't have the "property" in your possession anymore. The art is gone and there is no bringing it back. There was no money traded. Sad, but done. Best wishes and let your lawyer handle it. Good luck on the move.

OP responded:

"It's very sad that you had to destroy these embryos while dealing with these people, but it's the smartest thing you could have done. Had you tried to provide another family with the chance, it's quite likely that the "first couple" (can't remember what you named them) could have sued for custody of any child that was born."

"Which would be a far worse fight for you, the potential parents, that child, and (potentially) your child."

OMG, this didn't cross my mind. This would have been terrible. I'm nauseated even thinking about it.

"Good luck on the move."

Thanks. It was due to lay-off, so we weren't thrilled about the need to do it, but sometimes you need to follow the work.

Secret_Sister_Sarah wrote:

NTA. Nobody needs their genetic offspring raised by worshippers of a wannabe dictator to become the kind of people you'd avoid at a holiday party. That aside, embryos, assuming they are your egg and his sperm, are your babies, in a way.

You have every right to be choosy, for whatever reason suits you, of who gets to be the parents of your babies. Moms who can't keep their babies who go through adoption agencies to find couples to adopt have the right to say yes or no for whatever reason they choose, and so do you.

xXmimixx2 wrote:

NTA. There was no contract, and you were smart to record everything and have a legal representative. It was clearly necessary, after what you now know. I'm sure Greg and Karen were only friends with you, because of the embryos. Luckily, they weren't as smart and did sabotage themselves with their behavior and rants that prove their bad intentions and lies.

As it were your embryos, obviously it's yours to decide what to do with them. And it definitely was the right choice, as Greg and Karen wouldn't have been good parents. Doesn't matter if they worship the wrong politician. In general, people like that only care about themselves and are insufferable to deal with. I wouldn't want any child to grow up with that mindset.

OP responded:

Our surrogate did a phenomenal job on her due diligence in the process. We had considered donating our embryos to a friend of hers who had some issues, and but for whatever reason, her friend decided not to pursue having another child.

Along with our family and the surrogate's family becoming close, we now share many friends. We would have been very happy to give this now mutual friend a chance at an additional child.

Historical_Agent9426 wrote:

NTA. They should have waited until they had the embryos in their possession before f-ing around. The recording of them saying they would call CPS on you is reason enough to never give them a damned thing.

Mydogiscrazy wrote:

After just reading the title was prepared to call you the AH. But after reading your post, naw fuck them, they are the worst type of people. Trashing someone giving you the most precious of gifts is beyond despicable. And not only talking s**t but calling CPS!? I hate them too regardless of their political alignment.