Bride demands $77 from sister after caterer corrects teen's 'child's' meal. AITA? + NEW UPDATE
"Did I really break wedding etiquette?"
About a year ago my (41F) sister (33F) sent out her save the dates. She was getting married less than a week before my son's 18th birthday. Since my family is all over the country, my son has never had a big birthday celebration.
My sister was planning a post-wedding brunch the day after the ceremony/reception and I asked if she would be ok if we could do something for my son in the afternoon since family will already be gathered for her wedding.
She loved the idea and I ran it by my son (and reminded him he can do something with his friends on his actual birthday). Both were happy with the idea. I even chose a venue away from the hotel we'd all be staying at so my sister wouldn't feel we were encroaching on her wedding.
All good so far, no problems.
Six months ago the invitations came and I RSVPed for me and my son (ex husband is not in the picture). Meal options were a beef dish or a fish dish. I RSVPed for 2 beef dinners.
Now on to the problem and where I'm being told I'm in the wrong. At the reception yesterday, my almost 18 year old son was given a child's meal (chicken nuggets and steak fries).
I told the server there was a mistake and we RSVPed for the beef dish. The server took the plate and brought out a beef dinner two minutes later. For clarification, this wasn't a child-free wedding and there were about 5 kids there, aged 4-9 or so.
At the brunch today my sister pretty much ignored me and was really cold when she did talk to me. As it was ending I asked if she was still coming to my son's celebration since she seemed like she was mad at me. She pulled out a piece of paper and said, "Maybe I'll come once you pay this." The paper was an invoice she made up for $77.50 for an extra dinner.
I was confused and asked her what it was about and apparently my nearly 18 year old son was supposed to get a child's meal and the caterer was charging my sister an additional $77.50 and that it was my fault they had to provide an additional meal.
I told her that 1) I had RSVPed and chosen the adult meal for him months ago and 2) he's a 17 year old - how would anyone think a meal of 4 chicken nuggets and a handful of fries would be enough for him?
It became this big blow up and my sister turned it into people having to take sides. And surprise - my son's birthday party ended up being a disaster that almost no one attended because "your sister is the bride and she makes the rules on her day."
Even our mom skipped it because my sister was "inconsolable." Everyone is telling me he should have just sucked it up and I could have taken him to McDonald's afterwards. I still think I'm being perfectly reasonable. Am I really this wrong about wedding etiquette??
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s initial post:
No, you didn't break etiquette. Your sister is insane.
You RSVPed for beef, he should have gotten beef. No one over the age of 11 eats kids meals.
WeddingWhoopsie (OP)
Thank you! I feel like once a child is a teenager, they graduate to the adult table/meal.
It’s honestly very odd to me that they even allowed a children’s meal selection for a 17 year old. At my wedding the kid’s choice was 12 and under.
WeddingWhoopsie (OP)
That what I had figured! The kid's meal would have basically been starters for my son.
You didn't break etiquette. You RSVP'ed for beef and didn't get what you ordered. The staff messed up by not running this by your sister's coordinator / planner. Also, your sister broke etiquette by swapping what you RSVP'ed for (and broke etiquette by acting cheap).
That’s what I was thinking! Sister could have and should have run it by her to say that “hey, the caterer does kids meals for anyone under 18, so that’s what we’re doing and we changed your son’s meal.” I can’t imagine just changing someone’s meal choice as the bride without a quick text/phone call.
And yes, the bride is busy before the wedding but not to busy for a text message to family. I was a bride in 2023, I know it’s a crazy busy time, but meals and rsvp’s are usually in weeks before the wedding, so she had time to run it by them. And OP and her son could have been prepared to either have food before the wedding or know they were going to have to “stop at McDonald’s” on the way home.
Your sister is an AH. You did nothing wrong. Your mom and others taking this out on your son is absurd.
She lost her marbles over $70? For her nephew? I understand people have different tolerance levels for money, but if $70 blew their wedding budget to the point she's being this rude to her sister and her nephew... it feels like maybe there are more things wrong in this family dynamic ?
I'm sorry I agree with you..here is whats odd to me..someone had to have given the caterer a count of how many adult meals and how many children's meals. Nobody in their right mind would tell a caterer a child's meal for a 17 year old..my son was man sized at almost 18 and I'm sure yours is as well..
Now on your behalf I would have done the exact same thing...I.would have immediately assumed the kitchen had simply made a mistake. Something is rotten in Denmark here because someone had to have counted your son as a child which is bizarre. I won't even go into the caterer charging that much for a plate.
Just ridiculous. Secondly it was your sister's choice to get all worked up and mad at her own wedding..this is something that could have been easily addressed at a later time. I can't see where you did anything wrong. But the take away from this is somebody turned in one adult and one child on to the caterer. No offense your sister sounds like a piece of work.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
I posted a few days ago and I'm not sure if this sub allows for or welcomes updates, but here it is. It's not good. My post was about my sister ordering a children's meal for my 17 year old son at her reception and throwing a fit the next day and invoicing me to pay for his "extra" adult meal that he wasn't supposed to get.
Thank you all for confirming it was correct that my son should have been given the adult meal we RSVP'ed with. I later found out it was all planned. But then, of course it was.
After my sister agreed for my son to have his milestone 18th birthday celebrated the day after the wedding (since all family would already be there for the wedding), she decided she didn't want to share her weekend anymore.
Yes, she got Friday for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, Saturday for the ceremony and reception, and apparently needed all of Sunday, too. Would the reasonable thing be to tell me she was no longer comfortable with my son's party? Yes! And I would have cancelled/postponed it.
Would the reasonable thing be to manufacture some petty beef and turn everyone against me and my son, resulting in almost no one showing up? Apparently, yes to my sister... and mother.
Because that makeshift invoice? I had another look at it after I posted. Printed on an inkjet printer that slightly bleeds red even on black and white. Just like my mother's old, faulty printer, which means she printed it before the wedding. It was actually my son that noticed and mentioned it looked like it came from my mom's crappy printer.
I mean, did my sister really spend her wedding night creating an invoice? Of course it was already prepared! This was all planned. I called my mom and confronted her yesterday.
She just said, "It was your sister's wedding. All the attention should have been on her, anyway." Her wedding was on Saturday, she doesn't own Sunday. So they humiliated my son so she can play princess for an extra day.
Honestly, things have been bad in the past but for the past 5 years I thought I was really making progress with my mom, but I'm questioning her role in my life now more than ever. Even worse, my son no longer wants anything to do with both of them, and maybe that's for the best.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s update:
Your son seems wise. Never too late to learn from him 😀
Speaking of invoices, If I was OP I would be sending my sister and mom an invoice for my venue booking that they ruined with their passive aggressive shenanigans.
And for the son’s therapy bills. What a terrible thing for an aunt and grandma to do, let alone the rest of the family who decided to bully an eighteen year old on his birthday.
Honestly it sounds like the family was against OP from the start, because it doesn't make any sense that the sister had her whole family to consoling her over less than $80 after just hosting a wedding with dozens of plates at that price. Even if it had been real it just doesn't make sense.
So the brides solution was to make the wedding about her sister and nephew? Wild.
I fear it was the bride who should have gotten the kids meal, since she was acting like a spoiled brat.